Lessons Learned Studying Abroad

For a long time, I have always wanted to study abroad. It was appealing to me, because it is meant to be an immersive, educational experience. So I applied, got accepted, and joined a group that comprised of future social workers and nurses, mostly in their early twenties. I was the only black woman and the oldest student to be part of this cohort. This would intimidate many, but I though, why not take on a new challenge! I could learn so much on a trip with a bunch of twenty-year olds. I was right and wrong.

Here are some of the lessons learned during my trip to Finland:

They have the energy of bunny rabbits.

Watching them go from educational activities in the day to social activities at night almost without breaks exhausted me. Our days were packed by our sister college, who did a great job of hosting us. It seemed like their social battery never died out, but I, on the other hand needed more time to recuperate. Fortunately, I learned to stay in my lane, and simply joined them when I had the energy to.

They’re cliquish—which I guess is the norm for young adults.

I was part of two group chats, but I later discovered there were many more subchats I wasn’t included in. It became visible when we had free time that they managed to disperse in what seemed like a well coordinated fashion without informing me. It worked in my favor, because it allowed me to spend time exploring Helsinki on my own without the constant chatter. 

Someone who will be offended.

Due to fatigue, chronic illness and simply being more reserved in large groups, I sometimes don’t realize how quiet I get at time. If you’re not used to me, it may seem like I am functioning from the sidelines. That frustrated a young woman in particular, and I reminded her that very early on I stated that I need a little more recovery time from our packed and busy days. Sticking to my clear guidelines prevented me from feeling the need to apologize or take responsibility for someone else’s offense.

I realized as a black woman, I am damned if I do and damned if I don’t.

There are some people who are hellbent on misunderstanding you. If you’re reserved, you run the risk of being deemed as stand-offish and even being ostracized in predominantly white settings if you do not quickly assimilate. So when confronted with negative interactions, I leaned into my wisdom and decided that I will not perform to satisfy anyone’s need for immediate closeness, which seemed to be the issue. 

In certain settings, it is best to choose silence.

When negative interactions arise, you sometimes need to activate the grey rock method—a psychological self defense tactic of emotional detachment and brief communication that is meant for self preservation. Being in close physical proximity to someone who you may deem harmful forces you to prioritize my physical and psychological safety. Furthermore, it is important to document and report in order to safeguard you and your reputation. 

When they exclude you, stay excluded.

If you feel like you’re being excluded, you very likely are. The last thing you should to do is confront the offending parties. Thankfully, I have the superpowers of being unbothered and knowing how to stay in a good mood. I am my own best friend, and I enjoy my own company. This allowed me to happily explore the city of Helsinki, where I met amazing people on my adventures. This made for such an exciting time. 

When you know who you are, no one can rock your world.

I am a migrant, the daughter of a single mother, a divorced mom, friend to many, lover of humanity and staunch advocate for the disadvantaged and marginalized. I have had many experiences, some of which could have destroyed me, but here I am, still standing tall. My self identity is built on what I think of myself, not what others perceive me as. As a Black woman living on this planet, you learn to navigate and survive without completely falling apart.

I wish more Black girls and women were able to experience study abroad.

Studying abroad can be expensive. Since we are not a monolith, I know some of us are having these experiences while other Black families may not have the resources for this experience. Nonetheless, I would love to see more Black girls and women represented in these spaces. Improving diversity in the study abroad pool can potentially help make for a better experience.

I had a wonderful experience despite the small challenges. It just illuminated issues I was initially concerned about, but it was worth every small discomfort. Did I enjoy it? Yes. Will I ever do it again? No.

Would you ever study abroad as a woman in your forties?