Learn to Let Go

I sat on the Q train heading to work from my early morning math class. I get about half an hour to relax my mind before I get to work, so I either reflect on the things I can do to improve my life or blank out from my lack of sleep since July 2015. Today, I was blasting some of my newly discovered musical artists, and I let my mind drift.

As a mother of daughters, the universe gave me major blessings, because it knew all my life experience and wisdom could be passed down to my girls. Growing up, I have always had a very close relationship with my mother. She passed on so much wisdom to me, and one of the more important gems she passed on was learn to let people go, in her thick St. Lucian accent.

At the time, I thought the advice was not exactly comforting, considering what I was going through. I was a teenager after all. I come from a culture where people are not too keen on mincing words, so her words may not always be what I wanted to hear at the time, but it was really what I needed. She jolts me back to reality during difficult circumstances even though all I want to do is sulk and be miserable for a couple of minutes. Sometimes, she is a little too much of an optimist I might say.

Nonetheless, she simply wanted me to understand that everything and everyone has a season. It was up to me to determine how long the season would last. Even though I have always had a strong sense of self from a young age, her advice alone wasn’t enough. This was a lesson I could only learn through life experience and a journey could not avoid.

One of the foundational elements of learning to let go—whether they left or you left—is knowing your self-worth. A breakup is always difficult, but you need to eventually see the opportunity you’ve been given when a partner or friend leaves. You go through the stages of grief quite like when a loved one passes away. Getting to acceptance can be long and hard, but being thankful for the time spent together and the lessons learned is genuinely one of the most healing parts of this process. You may not see it, but the universe may have done you a favor.

When the school of life is your teacher, you cannot always predict the timing of these lessons and the severity of its impact. What you do have control of is your response to it. - Christopher Walken

As time goes on, you can clearly define your expectations from others in a way that may even surprise you, but leaves you feeling more fulfilled. You gain a greater sense of what you're worth.

Another important aspect I needed to learn on my own is certain people attract the brokenness in others. There tends to be the assumption that you attract what you give, but that is not necessarily always the case. Opposites attract for a reason, but you need to know, it is not your job to fix a broken person, because it eventually either depletes you or breaks you.

It is these experiences that enhance who we are as people, because without adversity, what is there to learn? There are some lessons I wish I had been taught early on, like feeling comfortable articulating boundaries, learning to identify behaviors and personalities that can lead to toxic relationships, and learning to trust my gut a bit more, because not everyone deserves a seat at the table of your life.

(Photo from Canva)