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Hi! How is your week going? The weather has been amazing lately in the Capital Region, and I am happy to enjoy a little heat even though being hot isn’t my happy place. I’m grateful for rising serotonin levels and all that free vitamin D. This week has been great with the girls. As always, we enjoyed good food, being outdoors, beautiful art, and wonderful sister moments. We are in peak tulip season in my neck of the woods, so I enjoy watching them bloom. Fibromyalgia and Mental Health Awareness Month We are in the month that recognizes two causes near and dear to me. As someone who lives with fibromyalgia, I talk about the many ways that fibromyalgia affects my life and my mental health. Catch up on these stories on the blog that address these two important topics and the areas of life they affect. Career : How Substitute Teaching Became a Gift at a Difficult Time Parenting : 3 Most Valuable Lessons My Children and I Have Learned from My Chronic Illness and Parenting through Pain: Navigating Motherhood with Chronic Illness and Love Relationships : Chronic Illnesses: When Sticking to a Routine Gets Hard and Tolerable Unhappiness and Female Desire and Lina of “Three Women” Life : 5 Ways to Have More Mindful Interactions With People Who Have a Chronic Illness I really hope these stories serve as a great resource for you. Be sure to leave your thoughts and words of encouragement. Celebrating Motherhood Mother’s Day is coming up soon and what better time to revise an old post Motherhood as Ministry: A Sacred Calling . I show appreciation to the ones who have chosen to be childless, a decision that shows the highest form of self-awareness. As a mother, I wholeheartedly support any woman who decides to blaze her path without the added pressures of motherhood. Motherhood has such a major impact on all facets of life that it would be irresponsible to not consider the ramifications of such a life-altering decision. “ Whether you view motherhood as birthright, obligation or choice, in its most authentic form, motherhood is ministry .” Here are some of the ways that motherhood is ministry: Nurturing Hearts and Minds . As mothers, we tend to the emotional, intellectual, and spiritual needs of our children. We become their teacher and their source of love and guidance. The simple act of listening and comforting our children is ministry to their hearts and minds. It shapes them into compassionate, resilient, and thoughtful individuals. We may not always get it right, but focusing on doing better with every new day is how we can fulfill this role. Cultivating Values and Virtues . Mothers play a crucial role in instilling values such as honesty, kindness and empathy in their children. As we interact daily with our children, we model these virtues, guiding them to understand the importance of integrity, compassion, and respect for others. As we heal and protect our inner child, we will keep passing on these lessons learned. Creating a Safe Haven. In a world filled with challenges and uncertainties, our love and support offer a sense of security and belonging. A mom’s goal is to create a haven for her children. Moms also need support from their tribe and nothing feels better than when needs are communicated and everyone is up to speed. In the meantime, whether it's through a warm embrace, a listening ear, or a comforting presence, moms will continue to provide refuge, solace and strength. Embracing the Sacredness of Everyday Moments. In the hustle and bustle of daily life, it's easy to overlook the sacredness of ordinary moments. Yet, in the eyes of a mother, even the most mundane tasks become sacred acts of love and service. Whether it's preparing a meal, tucking her children into bed, or sharing a laugh together, a mother recognizes the divine beauty in these simple gestures, knowing that they are building bonds that will last a lifetime. Growing Together in Faith. A mother guides her children on a journey of faith. Whether it's through bedtime prayers, family rituals, or conversations about life's big questions, a mother helps her children cultivate a sense of wonder and reverence for the world around them. Together, they explore the mysteries of life and deepen their understanding of their place in the universe. Money Saving Tips at Your Local Library If you’re not already on Threads , join the conversations happening. I am learning so much in this space. I came across a post from Two Sides of a Dime , about how you can maximize the use of your library card for significant savings of a little over $10,000 yearly. I love my local library and I already used it in so many ways including trips to the museum, but here are some other suggestions by Eduek . Audiobooks Museums Movies and music Coworking space Event space LinkedIn Learning Markerspace Toys and gaming consoles Videogames Gadgets and gear I would encourage getting in the comments, because people added more ways that Eduek did not mention. Let’s all save money together. Summer Camps Savings. I did one thing this week that is going to save my family almost $8000 in summer camp costs for my two girls. This isn’t a tip for everyone, but it can be greatly useful to a stay-at-home parent, or a parent with summer breaks who has the time and means to make use of this opportunity. It is called a work trade. Typically, a work trade is where volunteers offer their time and skills to work in exchange for free accommodation. In this situation, a work trade allows a parent to volunteer their skills and services to a summer program their child(ren) can attend for free. I initially sent an email briefly explaining my circumstances and requested a scholarship or a trade of my skills with an attached resume. As I mentioned, this isn’t for everyone, but a very useful and helpful option for those who can. With that said, have a fantastic weekend everyone. Take care of yourselves and each other.

Hi everyone, Another Week, Another Crisis: The State of America and Me. If you’re feeling anything like I am, I know you’re experiencing an inexplicable, deep-seated level of fatigue. This is induced by a political climate that is hell-bent on destroying all of us; the worst part is that we just made it through week two. Every day, we’re being body slammed into another political firestorm that none of us asked for, and even though we keep trying to tap out, someone grabs us by the leg and pulls us back in. We’re in a knockdown drag-out fight for our lives, so the fatigue is real, and so many of us are already over it. Unsplash Despite the constant turmoil, communities across the country continue to fight back against those seeking to take away our human rights. Whether through protests, mutual aid networks, or pushing for legislative change, people are resisting the normalization of corruption and incompetence. I am proud of us for building resistance, but resistance can be exhausting. This is where self-care is a requirement. Self-Care in the Time of Chaos Last week, I had to call a time-out. I decided to delete every social media app from my phone except for Substack. I was experiencing notification anxiety along with a general weariness that left my spirit depleted. I couldn’t internalize any more disappointment and heartbreak with what had been happening, so I decided to detach from everything for 24 hours. In times like this, self-care is not a luxury, but a necessity. Here are a few tips to help and encourage you to take care of yourself: Set Boundaries with News Consumption: Stay informed, but take breaks from the 24-hour news cycle to protect your mental well-being. Find Community Support: Engaging with like-minded individuals can provide emotional strength and strategic resilience. Prioritize Mental and Physical Health: Engage in activities that bring joy, whether it’s meditation, exercise, or creative expression. Use Your Voice Wisely: Speak up when and where you can, but recognize that self-preservation is also an act of resistance. Celebrate Small Wins: Change happens incrementally. Recognizing victories—no matter how small—keeps morale high and momentum going. Can you love your body — and still want to change it? Gabriella Lascano/Ted I had the pleasure of watching Gabriella Lascano a strong advocate of body positivity present her TedTalk on the subject of Can you love your body — and still want to change it? In the most vulnerable and authentic way, she talks about the disenfranchisement of fat people, but also toxic body positivity that restricts many like herself. After the loss of a friend due to obesity, she realized that loving herself required honesty, accountability, and making healthier lifestyle choices. It was a refreshing perspective. Ageism Hurts All of Us Character Liza Miller of the show Younger Before binge-watching “ Younger ” I have been thinking a lot about ageism. As a woman in my early 40s, I think about how much we can all accomplish in a society that doesn’t restrict us based on our age. Ageism harms all of us in ways that reinforce discrimination and impact mental well-being. As someone who has interacted with children since I was 19, you will be surprised to find out that behaviors that lead to ageism start from a very young age. Have you ever spoken to a child or teenager who responds to you in a sometimes sarcastic, know-it-all way, especially regarding technology? This stereotyping in many settings is harmful to everyone. People report ageism starting as early as 35, but generally around 40 . It usually worsens as you age, especially in societies that overvalue youth. In many ways, I am grateful for the efforts of diversity, equity, and inclusion initiatives that strive to protect older populations. I also strongly encourage that we all examine our biases and change how we view the aging population. We will all get there eventually. Libraries Will Never go Out of Style At our local library enjoying a game of checkers, books and friends I have been taking my girls to the library since they were babies. It is a great resource for learning and fun. The first place I looked for after moving was our local library. We make it there at least once a week to enjoy all the perks of being library card holders—reading clubs, free museum passes, holiday events, science classes and so much more. I am always amazed by why more kids aren’t at the library, because it is truly a place of joy. There are not very many public spaces that are truly free in American society. Most places are “ pay to participate” making libraries one of the last places in modern society that is free for everyone. It plays a significant role in breaking down barriers of race, socioeconomic status, religion, and political beliefs. It is the one place that truly brings us all together. Are you taking your little ones and older ones to the library this week? A Little Laughter Last month, I shared a little chat between my daughter and I that seemed to garner a bit of interest, but I thought it could apply to life in general. Even as adults, we forget the impact that our voice has on creating change. Threads post from Aubre in Between Until next time, take care of yourself and laugh a little. (Photos: Fairy Lake Bonsai Tree/ Bluesky251/Flickr , Gabriela Lascano/Ted , Younger/Stan )

Ever since my daughter started her first day of day care, she was on a mission to convince us that homeschooling was the way to go. Yes, you read that right! Her passionate campaign peaked at 7 years old in the second grade. Every time she brought up her rally cry, she had this spark in her eye, like she was onto something big that we adults just didn’t get. So, after a few months of hearing her sad pleas of “Can I be homeschooled? Pleeease?” over and over, I finally started looking into it. Here are the reasons why she was so keen on homeschooling, what I learned from her persistence, and where we arrived in the great “To Homeschool or Not to Homeschool” debacle. The Appeal of Homeschool: A 7-Year-Old’s Perspective. In her younger years, she was extremely shy and is also introverted. It took her almost four months to utter a word at her first day care when she was two. Her experience before this was at home filled with circle time, flash cards, reading, arts, crafts and science projects. I created a learning environment that they enjoyed. She still remembers my made up songs that we sang at circle time. Some days I am surprised she still remembers them. I really underestimated the value of the two years she spent at home with me creating all these fond memories. I think so much of her desire to be homeschooled was based on nostalgia. I mean, how much can a young kid really know about the benefits and disadvantages of “traditional” versus “alternative” schooling, right? I also knew this wasn’t just about skipping school to stay in pajamas (though I’m sure that has some appeal, too!). I sensed the desire for homeschooling had a lot to do with wanting to avoid anxiety inducing social settings, the worst being school. The dynamics of making new friends is not her strength. She hates it. So, I sat down and asked, “Why do you want to be homeschooled so much?” Here’s what she shared: “I want more personal learning time.” Traditional schools have a set curriculum, but my child wants to learn about things she’s deeply interested in, and her list is, well, unique! For example, she fascinated by the human body (all the systems), space, and science. She has stated that she wants to be a pediatrician, paleontologist and a geologist. The idea of picking what to study on a whim excites her—and I have to admit, it sounds pretty fun! “I want more time with my family.” Yes, this made my heart melt. She was struggling to make friends and not enjoying socializing with other children, so she loves the idea of learning alongside family, exploring topics together, and sharing in each other’s growth. “School is too noisy.” The daily grind of getting ready, heading to school, sitting in classes, and coming back home exhausted her a lot. My kiddo wants to learn in a way that feels less draining and more engaging. “I get to make my own schedule.” She may not fully understand the concept of “scheduling,” but she does understand that homeschooling means a more flexible day. She’s drawn to the idea of learning in bursts, with breaks when she needs them, and tackling different activities throughout the day. “I could learn outside more.” One of her biggest dreams is to study outside in nature. Whether it’s reading books under a tree or bringing the science projects outside, my child is consumed with the idea of the world being her classroom. I considered her enthusiasm for homeschooling, and began diving deeper into the potential benefits. And I’ll admit, I was beginning to see the magic she saw. The idea of a personalized learning path, and flexibility and freedom seemed very appealing. Of course, it’s not all butterflies and sunshine. As much as the idea of homeschooling has its perks, it also brings some serious considerations: for instance, socialization concerns for a child who is already introverted and shy, the amount or responsibility that would fall on me a the primary caretaker, requiring my career to be on the back burner and the access to resources for learning. There was a lot to weigh. Again, I strongly suspected that her request this time around was because she was struggling to acclimate to her school, even a year and a half after moving. I told her that we will finish out second grade, see how she feels and then we can talk about it again. She was happy with that even though it was not the outcome she wanted. I think she was just happy I wasn’t saying no. As we got closer to the end of second grade, I noticed more confidence and more talk of friends by their names. She finally said she wanted to remain in school, because she likes her friends, and she doesn’t want to finish high school and realize “I didn’t learn all the things I needed to”—these were her exact words. Wow! I couldn’t believe my ears. I was happy to hear this, because I wasn’t ready to make the life altering decision of homeschooling her. I guess it worked out for all of us. To another year of public school!

This is a note I shared on my social media accounts and I thought worthy of putting on the blog. let’s talk… as a highly sensitive person living with non-life threatening chronic illnesses, i understand the importance of a diagnosis. i didn’t get diagnosed with fibromyalgia until i was about 26, even though i had been going to doctors since i was 13. i suspected what it was right before a doctor was able to formally diagnose me. i had doctors say verbatim, “she seems like a tense child” or “it’s all in your head” so regularly that i thought i would never know what was wrong. it’s so hard to go through these medical experiences where you feel unseen and unheard, but in all of it, i grew a backbone. after becoming a mother twice over, there were signs that i probably ignored. i was constantly misplacing things and a few other things. i asked my doctor if i am at risk for dementia because of fibromyalgia and he said no. i kept putting it in the motherhood folder and kept thinking i was overwhelmed, tired or stressed. what i was able to ignore without kids couldn’t be ignored anymore. part of it was that i was proficient at masking. if you ask anyone around me, i seem like i hold it all together very well, and for the most part i do. i am a smart, functional, and highly organized person. but slowly, i couldn’t maintain the level of organization that i once did. i have always been that person who requires a lot of recovery time moving through this world. i experience an immense amount of fatigue dealing with people on the day to day. i just did a women’s ADHD test which confirmed what i have been thinking recently and recommended that i seek out a formal diagnosis. i am going to start this journey, because for far too long i’ve just powered through it. motherhood also shed a light on something that i couldn’t see and i can’t ignore it anymore. any moms in their 40s going through something similar?

In an effort to keep my stomach happy along with one of my daughter’s, we have made a decision to change a lot of our staples to gluten free. I am still learning, but as I learn, I want to share. So far, this recipe has been a hit even for the members of my family who can still have gluten. It started first as an almond flour waffle, ran out out of almond flour and substituted with gluten free all purpose flour, and a completely gluten free option. You have three options to these delicious waffles. Thank me later. Almond Flour Waffle You’ll need: 1 1/2 cups almond flour 1 1/2 teaspoon baking powder 1-2 teaspoons sugar (white or brown) 1/2 cup milk 1 large egg 1 1/2 teaspoons melted butter, coconut oil or vegetable oil Mixed Almond Flour Waffle You’ll need: 1 cup almond flour 1/2 cup gluten free all purpose flour 1 1/2 teaspoon baking powder 1-2 teaspoons sugar (white or brown) 1/2 cup milk 1 large egg 1 1/2 teaspoons melted butter, coconut oil or vegetable oil Gluten Free Waffle You’ll need: 1 1/2 cups gluten free all purpose flour 1 1/2 teaspoon baking powder 1-2 teaspoons sugar (white or brown) 1/2 cup milk 1 large egg 1 1/2 teaspoons coconut oil or vegetable oil * gluten and nut free Preheat your waffle iron. Whisk together the almond flour, baking powder and sugar in a bowl. Whisk together the milk, egg and butter or oil in a larger bowl. Stir in the flour mixture until it is well combined. Coat the waffle iron with cooking spray or oil. Pour 1/4 to 1/3 cup of batter onto the waffle iron depending on its size, and cook until the waffles are amber brown. This can take 3 to 5 minutes depending on the size. Serve with maple syrup and enjoy.

Scrolling through Facebook Marketplace will always be a happy place for me. It gives me an adrenaline rush that nowhere else does. I love being able to get second-hand furniture that I can give a new home and help preserve the planet in my small way. My bookmark is filled with so many items that usually include amazing mid-century modern furniture. They're honestly things I live for. As always, my choices are intentional and always have to serve a purpose. Recently, I saw a seller who had a beautiful dresser/sideboard that I liked and wanted for my bedroom. She was about fifty minutes away heading east. Everyone knows I will chase a good piece of furniture to the ends of the earth and I sure did. After having to cancel our initial arrangement for the exchange, I assumed that the item would be gone by the next week, but it wasn't. She reached out and told me it was still there and I could come get it to my surprise. I was ecstatic. I got up early that morning and asked ft I could come earlier than planned. She agreed and I was on my way out. Living in the Northeast has its perks, but on other days, it can feel like a crap show. Case in point, the tons of snow sitting on our cars after the downpour from the night before. In freezing temperatures, I got the snow off and started my journey playing one of my favorite artists Lucky From having to get snow off the car and driving an hour away between two states—yes, the Capital Region of NY is almost directly west of the borders of both Vermont and Massachusetts—was nothing short of an adventure. I drove between these two states and for about 15 miles, I was the only person driving east. Scary!!! Not for me.  The scenery along the way was amazing. Crossing over the Tomhannock Reservoir was truly the highlight. It was straight out of a movie with a very foggy appeal. I wish I had driven a little slower over the bridge, but it was everything. Driving through the Tibbits State Forest along State Route 7 was also very eye-catching with the many twists and curves you would expect from being in the mountains. I also caught a glimpse of an interesting store The Potter Hill Barn and made a promise to myself to stop on my way back. Hoosic Falls, Renata Poleon, 2024 I got to my location and met with the seller, an older woman. I omitted a very important fact. I hadn’t noticed that the dresser was shorter than I wanted it to be. After pondering on whether should take it or not, I decided to make the purchase. After all, I had driven that far. When loading it up, we decided to load the drawers first. As I was walking to the car, the joint between the front and side came off on two of the drawers. She was apologetic and gave me a price reduction to $20. It was a problem I could fix with some sanding and wood glue and took it anyway. On my way back, as promised, I stopped at The Potter Hill Barn and boy was I happy I did—sad for my purse though. About 30 minutes and $60 later, I was back on my way home from Hoosick Falls to the Capital Region. The Potter Hill Barn, Renata Poleon, 2024 Small Town, Renata Poleon, 2024 As soon as I got home, I wiped this baby down, pulled, sanded the crevices, pulled out the wood glue, and got to work. Let’s just say, it was well worth it. I love the outcome. Until my next adventure, happy hunting to you. (Feature photo Bedroom Decor, Renata Poleon, 2024)

My older daughter and I connect on our love of good food, so I have no problem letting her scour through YouTube to find dinner ideas for the family. She decided that she wanted to try corn dogs, because it has been a while since we’ve all had one. She came across a video of Korean corn dog coated with corn flakes and was instantly inspired. Thankfully, cornflakes is the only cereal we keep at home and use it primarily for my delicious cornflake coated chicken. With no guidance on the ingredient portions, I created my own recipe and came up with an amazing corn dog recipe. I have done it twice so far and it was perfection both times. Corn Flake Coated Corn Dog You’ll need: 1 package of beef sausages (6) 1 package of mozzarella string cheese 1/4 cup flour 3 cups of corn flakes skewers For batter 1 large egg 2 tablespoons of sugar 1 cup flour 1 teaspoon baking powder 7 tablespoons to 1/2 cup of milk* * The consistency is best with a little less than the 1/2 cup. Reminder that 1/4 cup is 4 tablespoons and 1/2 is 8 tablespoons. Cut 6 sausages and 6 mozzarella string cheeses in half. Insert a skewer first into the sausage from the rounded end tip first and past the flattened center. Then insert into the mozarella cheese. Repeat for all the halves. To create the batter, in a bowl, mix the egg, sugar, flour, baking powder and milk. Mix until a smooth consistency. Next, place the corn flakes into a ziplock bag and crush to the desired size. Begin heating up your oil to about 375°F as you prepare to coat your corn dog. Pour the batter into a tall glass for dipping. place the flour and crushed cornflakes into separate plates. Start with a light coating of flour, dip into the batter making sure to allow excess batter to drip, then coat well with the crushed cornflakes. Place in your oil and fry until golden brown about 3-5 minutes. Thanks to my sweet daughter who suggested this, because it was a hit. It was the best with a crunchy exterior, gooey cheese and beefy ftanks. It was absolutely the most delicious corn dog and we all enjoyed it. Tell me your thoughts if you try this!

There’s a certain magic in doing something for no reason other than… well, you felt like it. Not because it’ll make you money. Not because it’s going on Instagram. Not because you’re secretly auditioning for a new career. Just because you want to. I recently did just that while at The Art Center of the Capital Region. I have been working on getting back into watercolor painting, and I was so excited when I was placed to assist an instructor teaching a watercolor class. As she laid out they would be working on —mushrooms— I got excited and decided to join them and create a project. Let’s just say, I surprised myself. I still got my mojo, as you can see, even after over a decade. That’s the beauty of creativity without an end goal: it’s freedom disguised as watercolor paint. And the best part? You might learn more about yourself with hands and clothes coated with paint than you ever would from another “Top 10 Habits of Highly Productive People” article. Being authentically creative can take on a nurturing and healing element. I’m not talking about the kind that’s all hustle and portfolio, but the kind that’s about exploration , joy , and maybe accidentally knitting a scarf that looks suspiciously like a long sock. Photos of all my just because activities from left to right: my younger daughter’s embroidery planet apron, wearable embroidery art for my older daughter, an acrylic painting for their bathroom, a hoop for my daughter’s teacher for the end of the school year, a rice bowl recipe without a plan, our family visit to an environmental center with the most beautiful glass bottles (for my love of photography), created my own orange cake recipe, decorated their wall with hearts, and taking a break for some well-deserved ice cream. Why “Pointless” Creativity is Actually the Point . We have been so conditioned to believe that everything needs a purpose. If you pick up a hobby and you become great at it, the next question is, “ So, are you going to sell them on Etsy? ” Heaven forbid you just enjoy making lopsided mugs without trying to build a ceramic empire. When we create without a destination , we free ourselves from the pressure of perfection. There’s no “wrong” way to watercolor your cat wearing a crown, though your cat might disagree. The absence of a clear “goal” means the process is the reward . It’s the mental equivalent of a hammock nap, and if you’ve had one, you know what I’m talking about. All my embroidery projects had no plan. They all took a mind of their own, but what I did do was take it one step at a time and trust that the outcome will be what is supposed to be. Creativity as Self and Community Care in Disguise. You know those self-care checklists that always include things like “drink more water” and “get eight hours of sleep”? Shoutout to whoever wrote those. You’re correct, but also, who needs a micro managing list. Let’s add “make something completely ridiculous” to the list. Whether you’re creating alone, or with a group, engaging in creative activities gives your brain a vacation, so you stop doomscrolling for twenty blessed minutes. It helps you express what words can’t, so that you can take a break from journaling about that horrible date you had several nights ago. You also build resilience, because you know that much like painting, if you mess something up, great, that’s the spirit. You choose to go with the flow, or fix it. It also reminds you you’re allowed to play, even if you pay taxes now. So that drumming class you joined is far more than developing skills, but also an exchange of culture, history and laying our burdens at the alter. We reserve the right to create individually and/or in community because they play a major role in care. Learning About Yourself Along the Way . When you create for the sake of creating, little truths sneak up on you. Maybe you realize you have the patience of a saint when painting miniature birdhouses. Or maybe you realize… nope. Patience is not your brand. That’s useful to know, too. Sometimes your art will surprise you. A casual collage turns into a visual love letter. A silly short story makes you notice how much you value independence. The act of making things works like a mirror: it reflects bits of you back that you didn’t even know were there. And here’s the real kicker — there’s no pressure to “be good” at it. Your macaroni portrait of your favorite celebrity or family member doesn’t have to be museum-worthy to tell you something about yourself. Some of my favorite quotes about art and life Create for Fun (Without Overthinking It). If your inner critic is already shouting “But I’m not creative!” let’s pause. Creativity isn’t about having a magical talent gene; it’s about doing things in a way that’s uniquely yours. That could mean painting murals or arranging your snack plate like a still life. The trick is to choose something you want to do, not something you think you “should” do. If you hate scrapbooking, don’t start scrapbooking. This isn’t gym class. Making Time for It (Even When Life’s Full) . “But I don’t have time to be creative!” you cry, possibly while scrolling TikTok for the fourth time today. Friend, you do have time. Ten minutes before bed. While your pasta water boils. On your lunch break in the car. Saturday mornings before the house wakes up. Tiny doses count. You don’t need a full studio or four uninterrupted hours. You just need a moment to let your brain wander off the path and pick wildflowers. Give Yourself Permission to Make Ugly Stuff. Here’s your official hall pass: you are 100% allowed to make things that are ugly, weird, unfinished, or confusing to everyone except you. That’s actually the fun part. When we create purely for our own enjoyment, we give ourselves space to breathe, to be, and to discover pieces of ourselves we didn’t know were waiting. The world doesn’t need to understand it. You don’t even have to understand it. Let your creativity be a private little rebellion against the idea that everything must be productive. Because at the end of the day, it’s not about the final product. It’s about what happens inside you while you’re making it, and the fact that, for a little while, you got to play. Have you made something recently that you would like to share? Photo of mushroom created by Renata Poleon/August 11, 2025

If you asked my young self where I thought I would be at this point in my life, it most definitely wouldn't be where I am now. This isn't to say that I am not proud of my accomplishments in my little over forty years on this planet. It is moreso to highlight that progress has not had the steady pace I anticipated, and I know that there are many others who understand this journey. My young and inexperienced mind could not envision the many hurdles that I would have had to overcome to get to this point in my life. I never imagined the United States of America would become my home when I moved here in my late teens. I didn't know I would later thwart a proposal from my first love to follow him to Europe. I didn't envision working as a full-time nanny who paid for school out of pocket as an international student, but still managed who graduate with honors. I didn't anticipate that I would make a move into corporate America and encounter my first dose of employment discrimination during my first pregnancy from a grandmother who gladly expressed having a grandchild on the way. I couldn't even begin to imagine how much having chronic illnesses would severely impact my ability to function daily. I think this last one hurt the most. There was so much that I was unprepared for navigating this life. All these detours, delays, and disappointments I encountered came with so many unexpected lessons. Some of them I wasn't ready to accept, and others that allowed me to appreciate the road not taken. Reflecting on where I thought I’d be versus where I am has illuminated not only my struggles but also the resilience and adaptability I’ve developed along the way. Facing the Disappointment of Unmet Goals . Not meeting some personal expectations can at times bring a unique kind of disappointment. Mine wasn't always rooted in self-comparison to peers who may have achieved certain milestones, but to the younger version of myself who believed certain goals were “givens.” As time went on from my late teens into my late twenties, the gap between my imagined life and my reality felt like a chasm—where I was still holding onto aspirations, but feeling like they were out of reach no matter how much I tried. The even more challenging aspect of this gap is that it tends to coincide with the period where we're told where we should be —typically somewhere around that thirty-year mark. What is it about thirty? Is it because we're about halfway into our life expectancy of about sixty to seventy years old? I guess that may be it, but that can feel like immense pressure for so many. As much as I admire those who figure it out and accomplish their goals early, I wish I had given myself a little more grace around this time. Even for those who seem to have it all together, growth isn't linear and some of their goals may take a while to get to. I remember an episode on Issa Rae's Insecure where Molly, a successful lawyer working toward partnership, was having a conversation with her therapist. She talked about the difficulties she was having navigating the "all-boys club" at work, and stated that if she works harder "everything should be fine." The therapist pauses the conversation and this exchange ensues. Therapist: You say that a lot. “Should.” You frame a lot of things in your life with “should.” Have you noticed that? Molly: *dismissively* No. Therapist: Two weeks ago you said “things should be easier for me as a successful black woman.” And another time you said “things should’ve fallen into place by now.” Is there a certain way you think your life should go? Molly: I mean, I do have specific life goals. And I think that, if you work hard it sho…..ought to yield certain results. Therapist: There’s a medical term called “magical thinking.” When we believe what we want can influence the external world as opposed to accepting things how they are. Molly fell into the trap that so many of us succumb to. It is that space where being “ settled ” or “ established ” is marked out as accomplished. But it is this sort of "magical thinking" that can bring a sense of angst and frustration, heavily impacting our mental health. We feel inadequate and not up to those imaginary standards that we and possibly others have set for us. This can be a natural point for self-reflection. Questions arise: Why do I want this? Is this goal for me or to influence how others perceive me? What are the goals I have achieved? Our aspirations are shaped by limited experience, idealized narratives, and the influence of cultural expectations. In these moments, recognizing the arbitrary nature of these timelines can help lessen feelings of failure or inadequacy. Also appreciate the goals that have been met, while still being able to carve out a path to achieve unmet goals without engaging in an internal boxing match. Reassessing Success and Progress . One of the most empowering things I did was redefine what success looked like. By the fourth decade, most of us have the life experience to understand that success isn’t just about the tangible markers—the job, house, car, partner, and the two-point-five babies. Real success might be found in other, more personal areas of our lives: healthy relationships with family and friends, good physical health, a non-toxic work environment, and a strong sense of self-worth and identity among other things. It is usually these things that are the most meaningful and reshape how we think of success. For instance, a stable career in an industry that brings genuine fulfillment may not be as glamorous as we once imagined, but it provides purpose and has immense value. For different people, there are different needs. As someone with multiple chronic illnesses, flexibility is the name of the game , so I chose to become a substitute teacher temporarily while I also pursue other ventures. This choice put me in a setting where I do not feel the least bit stressed out, while I utilize all the skills from my untraditional path. I am also extremely grateful to be able to do something as simple as picking up my children from school . I'm able to show up as a better version of myself. In addition to redefining success, it was crucial to redefine progress. The human experience is one of ebb and flow. We all face setbacks and many persevere, with grit that traditional standards cannot measure. Relationships may not have panned out as we expected, but perhaps this has provided a deeper understanding of ourselves and what we need and deserve in relationships moving forward. That job did not work out, but maybe it helped give you a sense of direction to where you really want to be. Those small steps and missteps are signs of progress. Sometimes, an unconventional path fosters deeper connections with others facing similar struggles. Reassessing our accomplishments can offer new insights, bringing a sense of satisfaction in areas that may have been overlooked. Embracing Life’s Detours and Lessons Learned Along the Way . It’s tempting to focus on what’s missing when life veers from our expectations. Yet, many find that life’s unexpected turns come with their own rewards. Experiences we don’t plan for—like travel, moving to a new city, learning a skill, or discovering a passion—enrich our lives in ways that structured goals cannot. As someone who has lived a life with some major detours, I've learned to appreciate every single one. There were times when I thought a detour caused me to regress, but I don't ever remember regretting my choices. My choice may have led to new relationships, opened doors to creative pursuits, and even brought about profound internal transformations. Detours are often accompanied by personal growth that can’t be easily quantified. Each twist and turn, though perhaps not “planned,” adds complexity to our stories, making it richer and more unique. By the time you reach your forties like me, we likely carry a wealth of experiences that the younger version of ourselves could never have anticipated. These experiences—whether positive or challenging—form the basis of our wisdom, resilience, and adaptability. As we embrace these experiences as part of the journey, we can cultivate gratitude for the unexpected gifts that detours bring. It is with time that the benefit of these lessons emerge. For example, we may realize that personal growth often comes not from success, but from the courage to confront failure, start over, or reimagine what we want for our lives. Even if the path to where I am wasn’t what I had in mind, the skills and insights I gained along the way are invaluable moving forward. No one is behind. It is just taking some a little more time to get where they need to be. Finding New Goals and Setting Meaningful Milestones . I believe that no one is behind and timelines are merely a suggestion. The realization that I may not be where I expected to be was both sobering and freeing. I may not have checked every box on my original life plan, but that moment provided an opportunity for me to set fresh goals that are more aligned with my values and experiences today. In my forties, it’s often less about reaching arbitrary milestones and more about setting goals that truly matter to me. This means pursuing a new passion, deepening relationships, and prioritizing my well-being over external validation. I am no longer chasing a predetermined blueprint. I am now focused on crafting a life that feels fulfilling in the present, rather than just one that looks good on paper. One of the most liberating lessons I've learned is that goals can evolve. What once seemed essential at one point no longer resonates, and that’s okay. By letting go of rigid expectations, we make space for new aspirations—ones shaped by our lived experiences rather than youthful assumptions. At this stage, success might mean choosing joy over obligation and embracing authenticity over approval. I love finding fulfillment in the small, everyday moments that make life meaningful. The path may not have unfolded as I planned, but that doesn’t mean it lacks purpose or value. Sometimes, the unexpected turns lead us to exactly where we need to be. (Feature photo Peter Lloyd/Unsplash and woman in yoga pose by Amauri Mejia/Unsplash)

What do Viola Davis, Vera Wang, John Warnock, Julia Child, Martha Stewart and so many others have in common? They gained much of their success later in life. American women have their highest median earning years between the ages of 35 and 64 , yet there seems to be a race to have it all by 30, a concept that has infiltrated the minds of so of many of us. In spite of this pressure, I am happy to see the resistance that is happening around adults being proud to start new careers or build on their existing skills in their 40s and later. Deciding to go back to school in your 40s isn’t a decision that happens overnight. It takes courage, planning, and a fair bit of self-reflection. But perhaps the most surprising obstacle along the way isn’t balancing family life, a career, or the coursework itself—it’s navigating the sometimes invisible, sometimes blatant barriers of ageism. In any culture that prioritizes youth, it’s easy to feel overlooked or underestimated. But here’s the thing: this ageism doesn’t just affect the individual, it holds back our entire society from reaching its full potential. Here’s why. The Value of Experience in Learning. One of the best things about going back to school later in life is bringing your life experience with you. Life has given you depth, wisdom, and a different lens for learning that younger students simply haven’t had the time to develop. Yet, because of ageist assumptions, those experiences can often be undervalued in educational settings, limiting how much older students feel encouraged to contribute. My life and career experiences in Human Resources have enriched my understanding of my studies in psychology and will in my future career as a social worker. I can analyze a case study with an eye toward both interpersonal relationships and organizational structure, bringing a unique perspective to my program. But because ageism can portray “older” students as out of touch, therefore our voices may not get the attention they deserve. Completing assignments for my BA in psychology with my two babies next to me in 2020 Redefining “Potential” as Lifelong. One common ageist assumption is that by a certain age, you’re “done” with learning or growth. You can’t teach an old dog new tricks they say. It’s a belief that not only limits individuals but affects society at large by failing to tap into the potential that every generation has to offer. Ageism tells us that growth is a young person’s game, pushing us to think that anyone over a certain age has already reached their peak. What if, instead, we recognized the value in lifelong learning? What if we saw every individual as a dynamic, evolving person, rather than assuming their potential has a cutoff age? My journey into social work is an example of that evolution and finding my purpose, even in the midst of responsibilities that can sometimes detour personal personal goals. My choice will have a long-lasting impact, not just on my life but on the clients I work with in the future, because some may see me as a beacon of what is possible. Ageism as a Self-Fulfilling Prophecy. One of the most harmful effects of ageism is that it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. When society tells us that older people can’t adapt, can’t innovate, or can’t succeed in new areas, it’s easy to internalize those messages. People may limit their goals, avoid new challenges, or feel that trying something new isn’t worth the effort because of the fear of being judged. On the contrary, studies show that people in their 40s and beyond can be incredibly adept at learning new skills, especially those that draw on emotional intelligence, critical thinking, and complex problem-solving—all skills developed and honed over decades of life experience. Moving Forward with Purpose Now that I am preparing to go back to school in my 40s, I am looking forward to one of the most fulfilling experiences of my life. The mix of excitement, challenge, and growth reminded me that age is just a number and it shouldn’t dictate what you’re capable of or what dreams you can pursue. Every year, every decade, brings new perspectives and skills, making us more capable, not less. Ageism is a barrier we need to break down. It limits not just the potential of older individuals but the richness and diversity of perspectives that society needs to thrive. So, for anyone considering a new path later in life, know that it’s possible, valuable, and worth pursuing. We can all benefit from embracing a world where age isn’t a limitation but an asset, a source of strength, and a gateway to lifelong learning. Are you heading back to school in your 40s? Share your excitement with me.