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It's been a while since I have had a dream that has left me in a place of deep contemplation and lingers quietly in the background as I go through my day. As far back as I can remember, I have always had dreams of either being naked in public or free-falling in complete darkness. I know these are two of the most common dreams. But I am talking about the more distinct dreams and personal dreams that are directly related to an ongoing situation or even something from the past. These are the ones I wake up and quickly write down, to prevent them from becoming hazy fragments of my imagination. To some, dreams are a mere function of the brain consolidating memories and to others, dreams provide answers to very difficult situations. Have you ever woken up crying out of intense grief or sadness? I have on multiple occasions experienced these intense emotions that blur the lines between being asleep and being awake. These episodes have been described as being quite normal when they do not happen frequently, and they tend to be related to unresolved trauma and grief—I suspect the latter may be true for me. The most significant happened when I had to confront the truth that I was emotionally abandoned by a partner. In the olden days, people believed that our dreams were full of clues about the future. - Alain de Botton explained to a child Dreams are not just the consolidation of experiences, thoughts, emotions, places   and people we have already encountered in our lives. They may or may not provide clues into the future, but they allow the mind to roam wildly and unrestricted in a way that would not be possible in the real world. About a year ago, I dreamt that I walked into my kitchen and there was a cockroach infestation. I loathe cockroaches and even worse, they were in my kitchen making my skin crawl in the dream. I remember screaming to my partner and asking him to get rid of them. We both grabbed kitchen towels and began chasing them out, but it almost seemed that they just kept multiplying. No matter how many we chased out or killed, more kept showing up. That morning, I woke up confused about what this meant. As a believer that dreams sometimes carry deep meaning, I did some research into what a cockroach infestation meant, and boy, was my mind blown. It was spot on about all the contributing emotions and I was able to expand on how some experiences from my past were manifesting in my dreams. It was shocking that so many revelations were being made while I slept. I even discussed this with my therapist. I was able to find my answers, but let's explore the meanings behind three of the most common dreams. Dreaming About Being Pregnant Dreams of pregnancy often symbolize growth, transformation, and new beginnings. It doesn’t necessarily mean literal pregnancy but rather the birth of new ideas, projects, or phases in life. It can reflect: Creativity  – You might be nurturing a new idea, goal, or personal transformation. Anxiety or anticipation  – If the dream feels stressful, it could represent fear of change or responsibility. Personal growth  – This may signal emotional or psychological development, especially if you’re evolving in a significant area of life. Dreaming About Falling Falling dreams are typically linked to loss of control, insecurity, or fear of failure . They can indicate: Stress and instability  – You might feel overwhelmed in some aspect of your life. Fear of failure  – Falling can symbolize worries about not meeting expectations or losing something important. Letting go  – Sometimes, it suggests that you need to release control and trust the process. Dreaming About Being Naked in Public This dream is often associated with vulnerability, exposure, and self-consciousness . It can reflect: Fear of judgment  – You may be worried about how others perceive you. Imposter syndrome  – Feeling like you’re being “exposed” for not being as competent as you’d like to appear. Liberation  – In some cases, it can symbolize a desire to be more authentic and free from societal expectations. Making Space for Your Dreams It’s easy to get caught up in routines, responsibilities, and the endless to-do lists that make up adult life. There’s always something urgent pulling our focus, always a reason to push our dreams aside. But what if we started making space for them now, even in the smallest ways? Maybe it’s writing it down. Maybe it’s speaking it into existence, even if just to yourself. Maybe it’s taking one small step toward it, however uncertain it may feel. The truth is, dreams don’t just happen all at once. They unfold in moments, in choices, in tiny acts of courage. And sometimes, simply acknowledging them is the first step in bringing them to life. So, What Are You Dreaming About Right Now? What’s been tugging at the edges of your mind, waiting for you to notice? What would you do if there were no obstacles, no doubts, no fears holding you back? Maybe it’s time to listen. Maybe it’s time to give your dream permission to exist. I’d love to hear—what’s on your heart right now? What are you dreaming about? Let’s talk about it in the comments. Photos: Top by Tran Phu/Unspash and second by Jr Korpa

Imagine planning a beautiful day with your children. You start by preparing an amazing breakfast of toasted ciabatta and sourdough bread with a light spread of butter, scrambled and sunny-side-up eggs topped with micro greens, and sliced avocados. You all enjoy our meal, get dressed, and head out to the local bowling alley. Shortly after starting your first game, a surging pain radiates from your left sciatic nerve causing sharp shooting pain down your leg. You push through only managing to land gutter balls, but you continue to give your children the fun and memorable day they asked for—the goal of every loving parent. You have lunch, bowl some more, and move the fun to the arcade. As you're heading to the car, your kids start bickering and it all turns to shit. One kid yells to the other, " Keep quiet " out of utter anger and frustration. This was me. Motherhood is not for the weak. It's even harder for those with chronic pain. What I thought was a beautiful time was ending disastrously. Not too long ago we were having fun, and shortly after, I was at my wit's end with two bickering children. For the last two hours, all I could hear and feel outside of my beating heart was the throbbing and unbearable pain on the left side of my lower back. Instead of our usual celebratory talk and high-fives at the end of a three-hour day of fun, I had to be the referee between my two girls. My older daughter opened the door to the back seat and the alarm went off for some reason, sending my younger daughter into a high-pitched screaming frenzy. The mix of noise and pain made me even more frustrated with the whole situation and I yelled from the driver's side, " Please stop it. " My little one began crying immediately, as I expected to. Guilt came over me. This was the last thing I wanted to do. She thought I was telling her to stop crying, which is not something I do. We acknowledge all feelings, as long as it does not violate physical boundaries and become emotionally abusive. Crying isn’t suppressed or dismissed. I had to quickly assure her that I wasn't telling her she had no reason to cry, but rather that they stop the bickering. We all got in the car and started making our way home instead of heading to the thrift store as we had planned earlier. I think we all just needed to rest. The ride back home was all of about seven minutes, but another argument erupted. I can't remember for the life of me what sparked the argument.… Oh, I do remember! I was looking for my glasses, and suspected I may have forgotten it at the bowling alley—I did forget it there. My younger daughter pointed out that she thinks her sister is wearing it since our glasses are the same rose color. I knew it wasn't, because mine is a different shape. I said to her that those belonged to her sister and that it wasn't mine. My older daughter then suddenly screamed out, " Stop pointing at me, " to her sister. I usually try to let them resolve things on their own, but after about the third time she screamed another ear-drum splitting "Stop pointing at me, " I had it up to my eyeballs and with a firmly elevated voice said, " Stop it now. " “The funny thing about children is that they are the reason we lose it and the reason we hold it together!” — Author Unknown At that point, I was simply praying to get to my bed, because of the pain in my lower back and down my left leg was worsening. I imagined my hand reaching between the driver and passenger seats to be the heavy hand I would sometimes feel as a kid on my skin when I did not follow directions. It was fleeting and mildly satisfying, but met with instant regret. I refuse to spank, beat, or inflict intentional pain on my children, so I resorted to what I know how to do best— talk . I instructed everyone to stop talking and to be respectful to each other. We all just needed to get home. They remained silent for only a few seconds before my older daughter began to vent her frustrations about her sister. She talked about how she tries to be a great big sister, but her little sister keeps making her mad. I told her I was sorry that she felt that way. We approached the parking lot and I backed into my spot. She vented some more, because that is one of the ways she processes her emotions. She kept talking on our way to our apartment and I felt every ounce of her frustration. I sympathized with her and let her know that I heard her. I reminded her that she is an awesome big sister and I do see her kindness to her sister. As a parent with a chronic illness, I am more emotionally attuned to the needs of my children as a way to compensate for the times when I am physically incapable of showing up. I simply do the best I can when I can. When we got inside our apartment, I took my coat and shoes off as soon as I stepped in, and walked straight into my bedroom. All I wanted to do was lie down. I had nothing to give at that point. I felt completely depleted, so I asked the girls to help themselves with their snacks . I couldn't be on my feet anymore. My body was not cooperating, so I had to navigate this tough day as I always do—with honesty. On my rough days, my girls are only given small responsibilities that they are capable of doing. They know that some days are better than others. I also try not to feel guilty about asking the girls for space and time to rest when I need it. Alex Padurariu/Unsplash Before I was able to fully retreat, we played one round of UNO on my bed. The game diffused all that tension and we were beginning to enjoy each other's company again. They segued into their assigned one hour of pad time, giving me ample time to rest. They were more than excited and it worked out perfectly. My head hit that pillow with a smile, because we all got what we needed, and we rode that emotional wave the best we all could. It turned out to be a beautiful day after all.

This is hands down one of the best chicken dishes I have made, but if you're looking for an extensive recipe, I am probably not your girl. I am a free spirit in the kitchen when it comes to cooking. I have no rules and it is simply, whatever is in my fridge must work. Ask my partner. Some of my best dishes have been when I had to improvise. But first, let's all bow down to the cast iron pans that have and will always stand the test of time going from stove top to oven. It is the investment that is worth it, so get yourself a good cast iron even if you have to wait till it's on sale. God knows I love a sale. So for this dish, you will need: Chicken Legs (2-3 pounds) Parsnip (optional) 1 chicken cube/Better than Bouillon Turmeric (about 1/2 tsp will do) Old Bay seasonings Tony's Creole Seasoning Mirepoix: diced onions, celery, carrots Fresh garlic Oil of your choice (1 tbsp for seasoning, and another 1-2 tbsp for cooking) I start by first rinsing my meat. I know there is a lot of debate about whether you're supposed to rinse your meat or not, along with FDA recommendations. Since the FDA doesn't live in my house, I will continue to rinse that meat with vinegar and lemon juice, so as to not upset the ancestors. Their wrath and the potential for food poisoning is worse than any FDA recommendation. Imma stick beside what I said and pass along the wisdom to my daughters. So let's get started. Directions Put your rinsed or unrinsed meat in a bowl. Add all the seasonings and 1 tbsp of oil. Leave out the parsnip for now. Rub the seasonings into that meat to make sure that every nook and cranny is covered. Then, let it marinate for at least 45 mins. In the meantime, slice your parsnip and set it aside. Preheat your oven to about 375 degrees. Coat your pan with the oil of your choice and heat at medium high. Put each chicken leg in there making sure that it isn't overcrowded. Cook until the skin is browned and there is no more pink on the exterior. Add the seasonings in the bowl to the pan and reduce to medium. After about 15 to 20 minutes add about 1 cup of water and bring to a boil. Place the sliced parsnip in the pan, spreading them apart. Transfer from the stovetop to the oven with the lid on. The goal is to get that meat tender. After about 30 minutes, uncover and increase the heat to 400 degrees. Cook till golden brown. I hope this helps. You will never get a complaint of dry chicken. That meat will be tender and falling off the bone.

Do you ever feel like you're living in a sitcom, but instead of laughing, you're just trying to survive your 9-to-5? My life has at many times felt like an episode of "The Office" meets "Survivor." Here's a glimpse into my hilarious (and sometimes tragic) adventures of trying to navigate stressful work environments: Episode 1: Sounds of Hunger Picture this: It's 7:30 a.m, and I clock in to work just in time to grab documents that I prepared for an early new hire onboarding. I'm starving, but I'm on a tight schedule, so I keep driving for an hour to meet with the new hire—sometimes annoyed I am driving one hour to onboard one person in 2023. On cue, my stomach starts growling while I'm sitting in the room, and I'm just praying that the new hire does not hear any of it. Of course she did, so I say something funny to break the ice. Unfortunately, that was only the beginning, because I'm stuck in there for another 30 minutes. We both just pretend nothing is happening at every growl. Yikes. Episode 2: The Email Avalanche Ah, the joys of modern communication. One minute, you're catching up on emails; the next, your inbox resembles a digital avalanche burying you alive. You're now regretting your life choices and seriously considering homesteading as a way of life, because surely, this cannot be what I dreamt of. I also can't help but wonder: who thought it was a good idea to hit "reply all" to share their grievance about not being invited to a team gathering—drama! And why does the universe conspire to send urgent requests the moment I step away from my desk? Episode 3: The Meeting from Hell We've all been there – trapped in a never-ending and sometimes useless work meeting where you try to appear engaged, while secretly plotting your escape. Whether it's the boss's latest obsession with team-building exercises or a PowerPoint presentation that rivals the length of "War and Peace," every minute feels like an eternity. But then, your supervisor gets to the end and says, "Are there any questions?" I'm holding my breathe in pure terror hoping no one says yes, but then marvel at the audacity of someone to ask a question that makes us suffer even more. For the love of .... Episode 4: The Office Drama No workplace would be complete without its fair share of drama. From passive-aggressive emails or Post-It notes to whispered gossip, navigating office politics is like trying to solve a Rubik's Cube blindfolded. Even worse is when you can't help but wonder: is this really what I signed up for? When you're on the receiving end of that behavior, you just have to remind yourself that you're too broke to retire, don't want to be a sugar baby and you have bills to pay, so you report to work as a shy introvert and ignore every one. If it has nothing to do with work, you have nothing to say. Episode 5: The Great Escape I cannot tell you the number of times I have imagined grabbing my purse and jumping from the window with the perfect landing of a superhero, running to my car, and driving off. In the end, sometimes the only solution is to make a break for it. Whether it's sneaking out early on a Friday or taking an extended bathroom break to collect my thoughts (and sanity), finding moments of respite becomes a survival strategy. When I clock out for the day, I can't help but laugh at the absurdity of it all – because sometimes, laughter truly is the best medicine. So there you have it: my comedic journey through the wild and wacky world of stressful work environments. I have now taken to working remotely, which still provides endless material for a sitcom-worthy blog post. Cheers to surviving another day in the office, one laugh at a time! Hope you enjoyed the humorous take on navigating stressful work environments! Let me know if you'd like to add anything or if there's a specific aspect you'd like to explore further. (Photos: Feature photo by Jess Shoots /Unsplash , Graphic Photo by Aaron Blanco Tejedor /Unsplash)

When my partner proposed to me 12 years ago, the only place I thought of getting married, was at City Hall. Simple and easy just the way we like it. The whole experience was unlike any other. Just being in a waiting area surrounded by so many couples dressed down or up, but all here for the same reason. Here are some of the photos that will live on forever… The day On a rainy and relatively warm December day in 2012, we made our way to city hall in Manhattan. We had to make a stop to get our rings in downtown Brooklyn that were ready on that day. With my mom we made it to lower Manhattan to be meet our second witness and the photographer. Afterwards, we all went to Tartinery Nolita Restaurant Bar Café, for a great meal. How did I find a dress and decide on flowers? I hunted for a dress to exhaustion and finally found a DVF store in SoHo a few days before our wedding. It was paired with a pair of off-white Anne Klein shoes and a bouquet of roses and hydrangeas that I bought from a quaint flower shop on John Street in Tribeca. Hydrangeas were always going to be part of the bouquet. What do you remember most about that day? Exiting the building and realizing that it was still raining. I am a pluviophile. There is nothing more soothing than rain and rainy days. It felt like the ultimate blessing. I also enjoyed just getting home and just laying in bed once the festivities were over. If you had a city hall wedding, share the best part of the experience. (Photos by Erneil Johnny )

I happened to be on Threads recently and saw a post that intrigued me . Someone with the handle Mr. Wallace posted "Dear millennials, I think we’ve healed enough can we go outside and ride bikes now? Maybe put the psychology books away before it’s too late and we’re gone? We know enough. Let’s live again." Though I may not agree with the statement in its entirety, he is definitely onto something. A recent analysis of census data found that Americans are spending more time at home , and a large part of it alone according to an article in The New York Times. The trend that was already happening rose significantly during the COVID-19 pandemic when we were all confined to our homes. In many ways, I don’t blame people for spending so much time at home. After all, you can get almost anything delivered to you and life has gotten very expensive over the last few years. Going outside means watching your money deplete in real time and so many people are struggling to maintain the current costs of living. With modern conveniences, we have more time on our hands to doom scroll on social media where pop psychology is the theme du jour. We have become so inundated with psychological terms and holistic healing for the last couple of years, that as much as I am proud of us for doing the work, I think we need to find that creative balance of living and learning. We need to understand that healing is a lifelong process and there will always be something to heal from at different stages and phases of life. Healing cannot happen in isolation; it is most successful in community, whether it is with the love and support of family members or with friends who are in our corner. It now becomes a question of what kind of activities are you engaging in that can help you achieve that overall wellness. As the author suggested, riding your bike is a great start. I would like to add, engage in play for adults. That can look different for everyone. You can get a coloring book and head outdoors, hike, picnic, dance in the rainfall, and jump in mud puddles. When was the last time you jumped in mud puddles? We are missing out on life, especially with a health and wellness industry that is marketing healing and wellness as a luxury. These industries have been formed as a way to strip us of our resources when our greatest resources are right here. Fresh air, a walk through a park, that canvas and pain you stuck in a corner for many years, those roller skates collecting dust, museums and so many other fun things. We all need to find what enhances our lives. For some, busy city life invigorates their soul and makes them feel alive in ways that no suburb or small town can. For others, a slower pace relaxes the spirit and helps them hear their innermost thoughts. Whatever that place is for you, enjoy it, and get out a little more. Tree Hugger, Renata Poleon, 2024 How are you getting out of the house this weekend?

My wedding day was a rainy December morning. For me, rain has always been a symbol of blessings and favor, and it made the day we chose each other even more meaningful. In honor of that moment, we later named one of our daughters Raine . With my mother and his best friend as our witnesses, we stood together, ready to say our I Do’s . I remember feeling a deep sense of hopefulness, excitement, and joy about embarking on what I thought would be a lifelong journey. Just a few days before the wedding, I found myself having a mini-meltdown in the dressing room of the Diane Von Furstenberg store in Soho. Finding my wedding dress was a story in itself that required more effort than I anticipated. We planned a city hall wedding , so it wasn't an elaborate celebration—just exactly what we wanted. But as the day approached, the excitement and nerves started crashing down all at once. After the tears in that fitting room, I found the most beautiful dress with the help of a really special store employee. It was perfect—simple, elegant, and a reflection of me. I couldn't help but think that one day, maybe one of my future daughters might want to wear or incorporate it into their own special day if they choose to get married. I was beyond happy, standing next to the person I believed I would spend the rest of my life with. The Slow Crumbling of a Marriage The signs were already there long before we got married, but I believed that his positive traits far outweighed the negatives. I never turned a blind eye to our issues and would address them as I saw fit, but my concerns were sometimes ignored or met with resistance. He would sometimes acknowledge them, make adjustments, but then regress into old patterns. Like most marriages that end in divorce, our marriage fell apart gradually. It wasn't one catastrophic event, but rather a series of ever-increasing missteps that piled up brick by brick, until it became too high to climb. At the core of it was neglect—emotional and physical neglect that crept in both before and during our marriage. We were two imperfect humans trying to navigate life together, and at the time, my imperfect partner was worth it to me. I married a provider, but he willfully marched into workaholic territory ignoring his responsibility to me as his wife. It led to countless arguments, full of words neither of us could take back. I watched as work became his shield—a coping mechanism to avoid our problems—his own, mine, and ours as a couple. Resentment began to fester inside me like an untreated wound, slowly infecting everything around us. I felt unseen, unheard, and deeply alone in my own marriage. I couldn’t function in that space, let alone offer him or myself any grace. It was a painful, suffocating experience— one that slowly dismantled what we were trying to build , piece by fragile piece. Accepting the End Most people get married with the intention of staying married—certainly, that was my plan. We go into marriage with the hope that our love will withstand whatever life throws at us. I wanted that for us. I wanted our relationship to work and our family to stay whole. But eventually, I had to face the truth that my marriage had reached the end of the road . Before asking for a divorce, I tried. I asked for therapy, I suggested living apart for a while to give us both some space to gain perspective. But he was staunchly opposed to every option I put on the table. Divorce was never my first choice, but it became my only choice when nothing else worked. I had to put myself first and prioritize my well-being. Absent of abuse, infidelity, or severe addiction, I always encourage anyone contemplating divorce to make every effort to salvage their relationship. Divorce is costly—financially and emotionally—and often consumes more energy than the time and effort put into building the marriage in the first place. I didn’t rush into it. I exhausted every option I could think of before I finally decided to call it quits. Choosing divorce wasn’t about giving up—it was about saving myself from a relationship that had become more harmful than healing. I had to make peace with the reality that loving someone sometimes means letting go. The Aftermath: What Divorce Brought to the Surface There were other issues, of course, because relationships don’t crumble over one thing; they unravel because of everything. The act of getting divorced brought up so many unexpected emotions, fears, and realizations that I had never considered before. For Me Becoming a Black Single Mother I went through a period of mourning—not just for my marriage but for the life I had envisioned for my family. I had to grapple with what it meant to be not just a single mother, but a single black mother , who shoulders these responsibilities while navigating societal perceptions. Black single motherhood comes with unique challenges that are deeply rooted in both misogyny and harmful stereotypes. No one other than a Black woman truly understands what it’s like to be villainized for being the one who stayed, who tried, and who ultimately made the painful decision to leave. That awareness terrified me. For a long time, I couldn’t bring myself to stop wearing my wedding band. I feared the judgment of being labeled “ another single Black mother .” As the daughter of a single mother myself, someone I am immensely proud of, my fear wasn’t rooted in disdain for women who had children out of wedlock. Instead, it was about the harsh, nefarious words of people who demonized Black mothers, treating them as symbols of failure rather than women navigating complex lives. I had to process these feelings and come to the realization that the thoughts of others, no matter how loud or judgmental, do not define me. My responsibility is to myself and to the children I share with my ex-husband. Living Alone for the First Time Before my divorce, I had never lived alone. My journey began in the Caribbean, surrounded by an extended family, and when I moved to the United States, I continued living with my mother and her sister's family. Later, my mother and I moved in together, and about a year later, I moved in with my ex-husband. I had never inhabited a space where the four walls were mine and mine alone, and the thought of doing so terrified me. Despite my fears, I knew moving forward with my decision was the right thing to do. I wasn’t alone—I had my girls, who needed me to create an environment where their mother was happy and at peace. That mattered more than anything else, because I wanted to stop that feeling of wanting to run away from my own life. Eventually, I realized that simply removing what was unbearable at the time was a better solution than running away. Once I made that decision, I felt that I could breathe again. The tension that had suffocated our home slowly dissipated, and I found a sense of calm I hadn’t felt in years. Starting Therapy Therapy became a crucial part of my growth. As soon as he moved out, I started therapy. We were in the throes of COVID-19 and I was working from home in a job that was coming to an end.  Grief and loss loomed over me—my partner, family members lost to the pandemic, and the shattering of the life I had imagined. In the beginning, I wasn’t entirely honest with my therapist—I know, who pays for help and decides to hide pertinent information from the person assigned to listen. I had convinced myself that I was managing just fine and didn't realize what I was doing. I was able to keep up the facade for a few months, because my girls needed me and my job kept me distracted. It wasn't until the job ended that reality came crashing down. I described it to my therapist as "... feeling like Superman ascending at the highest speed into the atmosphere, then suddenly feeling the effects of the loss of oxygen, and spiraling into a free fall. " I crashed so hard. Every day felt like my own personal nightmare as every suppressed emotion surfaced, demanding my attenion. It was a breaking point, but also a turning point. When I finally stopped pretending and let the pain flow, the healing began. I allowed myself to be honest about everything that had accumulated over the years, and it was only then that I started to reclaim myself . My Health Improved The stress of my marriage had taken a physical toll on me, manifesting as frequent health flares that made waking up some days feel almost impossible. My body bore the weight of being in constant survival mode—always stuck between fight or flight. Being a single-married mother did that to me. Even though I technically had a partner, I was navigating life alone. I had been functioning like a single parent for so long that admitting it aloud wasn’t the shock I thought it would be. It took time to embrace my new reality, but once I did, I noticed my health improving slowly but significantly. The absence of constant tension brought a lightness back into my life. I slept better. I had more energy. I recognized myself again, feeling more present and capable of caring for my girls without the lingering stress that had once dominated our lives. I knew I made the right choice. The Thought of Dating Again The idea of dating again felt daunting, almost unimaginable. I even considered not dating until my daughters were in high school, mostly out of fear. Even a year later, I still couldn’t wrap my head around the concept of opening myself up to someone new. Dating required a level of vulnerability I wasn’t ready to give. It felt like I’d have to vet any potential partner like the FBI and CIA combined, yet still find a way to let them in. That was a risk I wasn’t prepared to take with two little girls in the picture. I went on just a handful of dates before I realized that I wasn’t ready. My focus needed to stay on myself and my daughters, on rebuilding my life and finding stability before even considering inviting someone else into our world. I chose to embrace the peace that comes with being single. I learned that there is no rush, because love would find its way to me when I’m truly ready. For Us Gaining a New Perspective A separation could have potentially been able to help resolve the issues in our marriage because the time apart gave us both a different perspective. Distance revealed things we couldn’t see when we were in the thick of it. Moving straight into a divorce shocked my system in some unexpected ways. During that time, I found myself replaying memories and reflecting on the choices we made. I couldn’t help but wonder how different things might have been if we had just taken a step back and given ourselves room to breathe and think separately. Sometimes, space allows you to see your partner differently—to understand their struggles from a distance, to feel empathy instead of frustration. I came to realize that our problems weren’t always about what he did or didn’t do, but rather how we both struggled to navigate life together.  In that quiet, reflective time, I started to see both of our flaws more clearly and learned to let go of some of the resentment I’d been holding onto. It wasn’t an easy process, but it was necessary for me to gain clarity and ultimately find a sense of peace . Co-Parenting Challenges and Successes Navigating co-parenting was another hurdle, but we continued to put our children first. In the beginning, it felt almost impossible—figuring out schedules, communicating about the kids without falling into old arguments, and trying to present a united front despite our differences. I worried about how our daughters would adjust to living between two households. We eventually found our rhythm and established routines that kept the girls feeling grounded and secure, even when they struggled to adjust. There were moments when frustration crept in, but I learned to set my feelings aside when it came to co-parenting decisions. As time passed, I was so happy to see him grow as a parent, even though our partnership as spouses didn’t work out. The girls still had both of us, just in a different way. Acknowledging Our Growth Even in the pain of divorce, we both grew. We learned and we found ways to move forward separately, still bound by the family we had created. We both had to confront uncomfortable truths about ourselves and how we contributed to the breakdown of our relationship. There were moments of guilt and regret on both sides, but also moments of understanding and acceptance. In the end, it wasn’t just about letting go of each other, but letting go of the expectations we had carried throughout our marriage. Though the path was painful, we emerged from it with a deeper sense of who we are—both as individuals and as co-parents. The family we built remains intact, just in a new form, and we continue to support each other when it comes to raising our daughters. It’s not perfect, but it’s real, and we’ve made peace with that. Moving Forward With Grace Divorce is not just an ending; it’s a beginning. It’s a chance to rebuild, to redefine love and partnership, to rediscover yourself. My story is not just about the loss of a marriage—it’s about resilience, transformation, and the unexpected blessings that come from life’s storms. After two years of being apart, we decided to give our relationship another chance, and it has been the best decision of our lives. I still look back on my wedding day as a beautiful moment. It was a day of love, of hope, of promises made with the best intentions. And while my marriage didn’t last, I carry forward the lessons, the growth, and the understanding that sometimes, the greatest gift we can give ourselves is the freedom to start anew. Photos by Erneil Johnny Aubre in Between is a reader-supported publication. If my work has encouraged you, please consider becoming a paid subscriber 🤎

Originally posted: 04/22/2024 Revised: 04/28/2025 From “The Lives We Actually Have” by Kate Bowler and Jessica Richie I love my role as a mother to the two girls I have been gifted. I love being the first in many roles and moments in their lives. I enjoy being the one they can reach out to for love, help, and support in a way that no other person in their lives can fulfill. Daddy has his place, Grandma has her place, but I get the most special room where I am greeted with hugs, kisses, and my children’s love. As much as I love it all, I would be remiss to say that motherhood has not sometimes taken a toll on me to the point of burnout. These are the days when I don’t think I am quite suited for motherhood, no matter how much my partner and mother remind me. I get annoyed by my kids sometimes, I yell sometimes, and there are times I simply want to retreat from motherhood. I want to be like a bear seeking refuge from the brutal elements of the cold until the season is over.  As the child of a single parent who had the help and support of an amazing grandmother, I don’t think I truly got a sense of what motherhood would look like to me, before becoming a parent. I knew that becoming a parent was on my priority list and that finding someone to build that family with was the ideal. If someone were to simply explain the sacrifices of motherhood in my younger years, my mind would not have been able to wrap around the magnitude of it. Like many roles, motherhood is where you get a lot of on-the-job training. Your life is no longer fully owned by you, because you now have to prioritize little humans who depend on you for their every need.  In the early stages, I recall days of being so sleep-deprived that all I could do is cry. This was also countered with the celebration of all the milestones that my children would accomplish: first roll, sitting up, first word, first teeth and first steps. Who can forget? I loved it all. I relished it all. I remember the first time that I noticed that my very witty two-year-old understood sarcasm and shared our first inside joke. When my first daughter transitioned from saying “or-dayng” to finally saying “orange.” I still miss “or-dayng” to this day. As they get older, I know the child I can connect with on our love of movies and the child I could connect with on our love of food.  Motherhood ebbs and flows. It is an adventurous, joyous and fulfilling journey. It is a full-time commitment that is physically, emotionally and psychologically demanding. It requires commitment above all else to the highs and lows of being within and outside of your comfort zone. Whether you view motherhood as birthright, obligation or choice, in its most authentic form, motherhood is ministry . It is a sacred calling that we shouldn’t tread into lightly, whether it is by choice or circumstance. I have such great respect for the women who choose not to be mothers. It shows self-awareness on the highest level, as it pertains to a whole human life. For those who choose to fulfill their calling, by birthing, surrogacy, or adoption, know that your role is valuable and appreciated. Here are some of the ways that motherhood is ministry: 1. Nurturing Hearts and Minds As mothers, we tend to the emotional, intellectual, and spiritual needs of our children. We become their teacher and their source of love and guidance. The simple act of listening and comforting our children is ministry to their hearts and minds. It shapes them into compassionate, resilient, and thoughtful individuals. We may not always get it right, but focusing on doing better with every new day is how we can fulfill this role. 2. Cultivating Values and Virtues Mothers play a crucial role in instilling values such as honesty, kindness and empathy in their children. As we interact daily with our children, we model these virtues, guiding them to understand the importance of integrity, compassion, and respect for others. As we heal and protect our inner child, we will keep passing on these lessons learnt. 3. Creating a Safe Haven In a world filled with challenges and uncertainties, our love and support offer a sense of security and belonging. A mom’s goal is to creates a safe haven for her children. Moms also need support from their tribe and nothing feels better than when needs are communicated and everyone is up to speed. In the meantime whether it's through a warm embrace, a listening ear, or a comforting presence, moms will continue to provide refuge, solace and strength. 4. Embracing the Sacredness of Everyday Moments In the hustle and bustle of daily life, it's easy to overlook the sacredness of ordinary moments. Yet, in the eyes of a mother, even the most mundane tasks become sacred acts of love and service. Whether it's preparing a meal, tucking her children into bed, or sharing a laugh together, a mother recognizes the divine beauty in these simple gestures, knowing that they are building bonds that will last a lifetime. 5. Growing Together in Faith A mother guides her children on a journey of faith. Whether it's through bedtime prayers, family rituals, or conversations about life's big questions, a mother helps her children cultivate a sense of wonder and reverence for the world around them. Together, they explore the mysteries of life and deepen their understanding of their place in the universe. Motherhood is indeed a ministry—a sacred calling that requires love, devotion, and a deep commitment to nurturing the souls entrusted to her care. So, to all the mothers out there, remember that your work is not just important; it is holy. And may you continue to embrace the sacredness of your role, knowing that you are shaping the future with every gentle touch, every guiding word, and every loving embrace. Photo: First image from “The Lives We Actually Have” by Kate Bowler and Jessica Richie

I am rewatching Ugly Betty for the umpteenth time, because it never gets old. As cringey and annoying as some scenes may be in a show that premiered on ABC from September 28, 2006, Ugly Betty will always be one of my favorites. If you haven't watched Ugly Betty, please start now! Betty, a NYC girl by way of Queens with aspirations of being an editor lands a job at MODE magazine as the assistant to the newly appointed editor-in-chief of Mode Daniel Meade. She was hand picked by Bradford Meade the head of the Meade Publications empire in an attempt to keep his son focused on fulfilling his duties rather than the latest gorgeous assistant. Betty takes us on a journey from mousy assistant who shares a close bond with her family and cultural roots to a bold and confident woman who takes life by the horns to fulfill her dreams in the cut throat world of high fashion. The heavy handed use of satire with a mix of telenovela drama meets Devil Wears Prada gives this show life. It's pure genius and hilarious in a way that tickles me every time I watch. Here are all the reasons why you need to watch or rewatch Ugly Betty . Hail to the Queen of Mean Wilhelmina Slater I proudly admit I love a mean girl who is poised and controlled in her demeanor, especially since she is the total opposite to who I am. Opposites do attract when it comes to the shows that I watch and Wilhelmina, played by Vanessa Williams is the real MVP of Ugly Betty . She is a true feminist icon and the antithesis of how women are expected to be. Her methods were unscrupulous and she never spared sympathy, but she had her priorities together when it came to her career ambitions. She never apologized for who she was or what motivated her. Wilhelmina gifted us the template of a villain—an evil genius that you couldn't help but admire. The woman gave us high fashion, she knew how to make an entrance and gave us one liners that will live on forever. Hail to Wilhelmina Slater, the true "Queen of Mean." Betty Suarez the Champ The one and only Betty Suarez is a champion and an icon. Hurricane Betty showed up in her "Guadalajara" Poncho on her first day of work unfazed and unbothered by an industry that was overly concerned with beauty standards and fashion. Her quirkiness, charisma, loyalty and quiet intelligence made Betty the kind of person you want as a friend—as in her relationship with Christina—and in a crisis. The ultimate underdog, Betty showed her resilience and strength going up against opponents like Wilhelmina whose nefarious nature knew no bounds. From the very first episode where Daniel tried his best to get Betty to quit, I knew that I wanted to stick with the show to find out what happens. I wanted her to win in life, love and everything she put her heart into. In spite of there being many moments where I thought Betty should have been done with that crazy dynamic at Meade, her story was a lesson on radical self-love. As Betty's style subtly changed, we saw a woman holding onto who she is, but allowing herself the opportunity for growth. I love Betty. Amanda and Marc's Relationship "Oh. My. God.' Much like Amanda's exclamation when she first encountered Betty, I am sometimes at such a loss for words with these two. They possessed the most superficial, but yet deeply connected relationship of all the characters. The flamboyant two loved poking fun at Betty. It was their sport of choice, until they realized that Betty brought much more to the table than the two of them combined. In spite of their shortcomings, I loved Amanda and Marc's relationship. They remained supportive of each other and did not allow their very superficial nature to destroy what turned out to be a decent friendship. I wouldn't be able to tolerate Marc and Amanda in real life, but for the purpose of the show, their critical nature and banter reflects what the fashion industry can feel like to every day people who are not consumed by their appearance. It was progressive While the series is set in the glamorous world of fashion, it goes beyond surface-level aesthetics. Ugly Betty cleverly critiques the fashion industry’s obsession with beauty standards and conformity. Each episode juxtaposes Betty’s unique style with the high-fashion world around her, emphasizing that true beauty comes from confidence and individuality. This message resonates even more today, as conversations about body positivity and inclusivity continue to grow. It also addressed issues of immigration, familial loss, homosexuality, discrimination in the workplace and single parenthood among other issues. Ugly Betty was in your face about these issues and dealt with it in a manner that highlighted the struggles. Here we are almost two decades later and these issues are still relevant. They were indeed ahead of their time. Strong Female Relationships Ugly Betty shines in its portrayal of female friendships. Betty's strongest relationship was with her sister Hilda. The two shared a strong sibling bond that survived the death of their mother, a teenage pregnancy, their father's immigration issues and Hilda's loss of her fiance (Justin's dad). She also found maternal love and compassion in Claire Meade that allowed her to feel like a safe space for Betty. The most unlikely bond was with Wilhelmina Slater, signifying immense growth in Betty, but also shows we have much more in common than we think. When push comes to shove, we all want to be appreciated and respected as was evident in both women—they just chose to go about it in different ways. Betty's relationships with colleague Amanda, showcase a range of dynamics—from rivalry to friendship. These interactions highlight the importance of female support and solidarity, a message that remains vital in today’s world. Diverse Representation A standout feature is the show's commitment to diversity. From its predominantly Latino cast to its varied character arcs, Ugly Betty broke new ground in representation. The show explores cultural identity, family dynamics, and the challenges faced by individuals from different backgrounds, enriching the narrative and offering viewers a broader perspective on life. My favorite story line was that of Ignacio Suarez (Papi), Betty's dad who had to navigate the sometimes unfriendly immigration process in the United States of America. It was a story that so many watching could relate to in a way that I have never seen before and haven't seen since then—correct me if I'm wrong. The show captured Ignacio's story in a truly authentic and relatable way. As a young woman in my mid-twenties, who lived in Brooklyn NY and worked in the Financial District (FiDi) for a family in the fashion industry, I was consumed by the show. They were not only the exact opposite of what you would think of people in the fashion industry, but they also resided near the building that was used to depict Meade Publications and City Hall Park, where Betty got caught kissing Henry Grubstick, her ex boyfriend. I became fully invested in the show that I not only saw on television, but saw being shot on the streets on NY. Ugly Betty is a treasure and is definitely worth five stars on the rewatch list. What are your favorite Ugly Betty moments or characters? (Photo of Ugly Betty ad photo IMDB , Wilhelmina/ TV Line , Betty Suarez/ Glamour , Marc and Amanda/ Fanpop , Justin/ Medium , Hilda and Betty Suarez/ Vulture and Ignacio Suarez/ NBC News )

Some things are better left unsaid, but it seems that for people with chronic illnesses, we hear a lot. Statistics show 6 in 10 adults in the US have a chronic disease . That is more than half the adult population, yet so many people are not well informed about chronic or invisible illnesses. When interacting with people who do not have a chronic illness, some of the statements may be well-intentioned, but the delivery is so poor, it creates a barrier. It is important then to look at some of this language and really try to see where that comes from. There is a need for more mindfulness and empathy when it comes to those afflicted with a chronic illness. Here are 5 examples of the kinds of interactions that happen frequently to people with invisible illnesses, and how the conversation can be turned around to show more empathy. 1. “I think it’s all in your mind.” What we hear: “You need a psychologist or psychiatrist." I am a staunch advocate for therapy, but when chronic illness flares happen, it’s not in our heads. Having someone say that makes you question whether it may be in your head. It took me almost 13 years to get diagnosed, because a doctor said that to me when my symptoms started at 13 years old. Having a friend or loved one say that has a similar effect. It is really not the place of anyone without a medical license to question that. Instead: “I hear you and I hope you get the answers that you need.” 2. “It could be worse.” What we hear: “At least you’re not dying.” or “Stop complaining.” I’m even guilty of using this one on myself. There is a reason why people with chronic illnesses are more susceptible to mental health issues. Living in constant pain is horrible and it epigenetically alters the brain. Even though we’re not dying from a visible illness, the degree of pain, isolation, anxiety and all the other issues that come with having a chronic illness are horrible. Try not to invalidate very real pain that is happening. Instead: “I am here to listen if you want to talk” or “It has to be difficult dealing with the pain.” 3. “You should try…. It worked for me” We hear: “You haven’t tried everything to make this go away. It’s your fault.” This one gets to me the most. Because the idea is that people with chronic illnesses just sit there and do nothing to better the situation. Even worse is that as people keep talking and go through the list of things like yoga, changing your diet, and a plethora of holistic approaches, you just keep praying they get off their soap box and maybe just ask questions instead. What worked for you may not work for someone else. Instead: “What have you tried that gives you relief?” or “Have you spoke to your doctor about alternatives?” You can say “If there is an activity you want to try, I can join you.” 4. You’re probably just stressed We hear: “You’re not good at managing your life.” “You did this to yourself.” Everyone has stress, but not everyone has a chronic illness. That statement comes from a place of a lack of empathy, and it really comes off as a way to dismiss the sufferer. It is honestly annoying, especially when you are keeping your stress level down, or you can’t help the amount of stress that is present in your life. It really places all the blame on the individual. No one wants to be blamed for their stress, because some of these factors may be fully outside of your control. Instead: “How can I help?” or “That must be hard to deal with.” 5. “You don’t look sick” What we hear: “Are you sure this is real?”“Are you faking being sick?” “Do you just want sympathy?” Being sick has to be correlated with looking sick for it to seem real for most people. Much of it is a lack of information. Some of it is purely people set in their idea of what sickness looks like. Can we blame them? At the same time, you know your body best, so you don’t need to prove to friends and family that what you experience is real. No one would walk up to someone who has experienced some trauma and say, “You don’t look sick.” Instead: “ Tell me how I can help” or “I may not know everything about your illness, but I would like to know more.” Like most people with an illness that still isn’t fully understood, we’d prefer if you would ask questions, rather than give unsolicited advice. It’s okay to not always have the right words, but also hold back on the assumption that the sufferer hasn’t or isn’t doing enough to improve the effect of chronic disease. Do you suffer with a chronic illness? Share some of the worst things people have said to you?