Seeking Clarity from a “What If” Love

There’s a particular kind of heartbreak that comes with a love story that lingers in the "what-if" realm. It doesn’t belong entirely to the past or the future; it exists in a liminal space between hope and closure. It felt warm and nourishing, other times, it was a ghost—haunting me with whispers of what could have been, pulling me back into memories I should have left in the past. My story lasted much longer than I would like to admit.

Our love did not disturb the progression of our lives in different parts of the world, but there was always a void, much like the one a child experiences when they lose a parent. I do not wish for anyone to exist in this space, because I believe we all deserve two things: clarity and commitment. It’s a love story I thought would have a second act, but it ultimately ended, not in a fiery burst of anger or betrayal, but in the quiet realization that our reunion would never happen.

Here are some of the lessons I learned moving forward into a space of reconciling with the truth and healing.

If he Wanted to, he Would. This principle became an anchor as I slowly began to crawl out of my disappointment. I had to face the reality that his words were meaningless because there was no action—just a hollow echo of what love should be. Genuine love transcends many obstacles and people make time for who or what is important to them. This wasn't someone who didn't have the means to, but rather someone who chose not to. His verbal declarations of love were all a mirage—it looked real from a distance but evaporated when I reached for it. When there is nothing to hold on to, you have to let go.

Hope can be a Trap. Hope can be beautiful, but it can also blind you. For years, I clung to the hope that he would act on his words, but he didn't. My desire to see him again and maybe continue where we left off became a trap, tethering me to a cycle of hurt and disappointment. It came to a point where I felt I was being gaslit at times, because my desires and expectations were not being met. This is when hope does not serve you; it keeps you stuck. Letting go felt like I lost a dream, but it also freed me to see reality for what it is, not what I wished it could be.

Healing Requires Clarity. Healing began when I stopped asking "What if?" and started accepting "What is." Clarity wasn’t something he gave me—it was something I found for myself. I had been walking in circles, chasing a love that left me adrift. His words said one thing, but his actions told a different story. That realization was the clarity I needed. The familiar tightness in my chest, the ache of confusion, was my body’s way of saying: Enough. For once, I chose me.

Self-worth Comes First. During the times we spoke, I showed him I was intentional about us being together and so did he for some time. I am not sure what happened, but things changed. I knew I deserved far more than what was being given to me. Walking away felt like stepping into a desert—barren, lonely, and uncomfortable. In many ways, that desert with its raw honesty, was better than the illusion of love I had been clinging to. In solitude, I rediscovered myself. I realized that clarity isn’t just about understanding someone else’s actions; it’s about honoring my values.

Finding Strength in Solitude. The hardest part of walking away was the silence that followed. It’s in that silence that I confront all the things I had been avoiding: the pain, the doubt, and possibly the fear of being alone. But the silence also brought strength. It forces me to rely on myself, to build a foundation that no one else can shake. I found resilience and clarity. And most importantly, I found the courage to choose myself over a false hope. Letting go of my “what-if” love wasn’t just an ending—it was a beginning.

Remember: you deserve a love that is steady, intentional, and authentic.

(Artwork by Natalie Hirschman/Tutt'Art)