Skin, Self-Esteem and Healing Hyperpigmentation

Growing up, my skin was at the forefront of my mind. I was the child who had a severe skin reaction that left me with post-inflammatory hyperpigmentation (PIH). The quickest way for anyone to tear down my spirit and self-esteem for just about anything was to comment on the dark spots on my skin. It became a common thing, to the point where a teacher and family member of mine would point it out as a way to get me back in line for any small indiscretions on my part. I had a fairly good childhood, but the memories of adults and children commenting on something I had no control over left me with deep emotional wounds. It took years and almost well into my late twenties to heal.

I was jealous of everyone who had great skin. I always wondered in my younger years, "Why do I have to deal with this?" Of course, that did absolutely nothing. I became fixated on trying to not have my skin noticed, but also very early on tried to not make it a big issue. I mean, what choice did I have?! I lived on a hot tropical island till my late teens, so there was no option to cover up completely. I saw every dark spot, every look, and had to politely answer every question to quickly shut down every conversation. My skin didn't stop me from wearing a swimsuit and enjoying the beach as much as my friends, but it surely made me hyperaware of others' judgments, and to avoid that, I dressed to cover my legs as much as possible.

As I got older and moved away from my home country to the US, I must say I was happy to have a fresh start. Living in the northeast with three-quarters of the year spent in clothing that covers most of the body, I was happy. I no longer felt the anxiety that I once had, because there was nothing to see. This allowed me to find treatments for my skin to reduce the hyperpigmentation. It was a time of trial and error and even body makeup to feel better about wearing that knee-length dress. I had never worn short shorts in my life and it took till my mid-twenties to try on and wear out in public my first pair of shorts.

They say your brain doesn't fully mature till about twenty-five. Well, that was right around the time that I came to the conclusion that I did not have to live in perpetual anxiety or in fear of the judgment of others. As much as I enjoy a more conservative style, I was ready to let go and feel free to wear what I liked in spite of the length. By that time my skin had gotten significantly better, and if it required a small brush of body powder, so be it. I just knew that I was no longer willing to be restricted by something that once caused me so much grief.

One outfit at a time, I slowly began to build my confidence in my appearance. My self-esteem is not completely tied to my appearance, but it is a contributing factor. We all care about how we look and to say the opposite is a clear untruth. I just had to realize that it was okay to make modifications to better ourselves for our own acceptance. I am happy to have arrived at that place in my mid-twenties, because I know how a negative self-image can damage one's spirit. As a mother of two little girls, I do everything I can to build their confidence and teach them that the best love is radical self-love. If not for me, at least for them.

What self-esteem issues did you or do you struggle with or have overcome?