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Recently, I checked into my drafts, and it was sad to say there were about 80 unfinished blog posts from 2020. I was shocked by the number, but moreso, I kept asking myself, “What happened?” and "What other things in my life are incomplete?" With so many responsibilities—career, parenthood, side hustles, etc—and people telling you that you are not doing enough, it can be so easy to become overwhelmed. There may be bigger issues at play like being a woman bearing a lot of the mental load of a relationship while caring for two very young children during a whole pandemic, going through a divorce and unresolved chronic procrastination, perfectionism and impostor syndrome that reared its ugly head. Wow. That list was long. No wonder I have almost 80 unfinished blog posts. No matter how many productivity apps I used, none of them made up for the fact that 24 hours wasn’t cutting it at that time. But now that I am in a better space, the question is, what are my next steps? What are the steps for people who start on a high, but abandon ship like the Titanic for whatever reason. Commit Before you get to creating a plan. Make a binding agreement with yourself that you will execute whatever plan you establish. The first thing I said to myself was “I have to do better." From there, you can start creating a plan that meets the SMART criteria . Create a plan “A goal without a plan is a wish.” No truer words have been spoken. Seeing things in writing serve as a reminder, allow you to visualize and also help you remain accountable to yourself. Otherwise as a parent nearing 40 with two young children, get one kid to interrupt me from the kitchen to the bathroom, and I forget everything. So I encourage you, write everything down. Whether you’re doing this digitally or old school with a pen and paper write down each goal and all the steps needed to achieve it. Be Accountable Remember that agreement you made to yourself, do your best to stick to it. Hold yourself accountable. Don’t fall into the trap of procrastination and excuses. Absent of crises, stick to your goals because nothing feels better than finishing what you started. How many things have you started in your life and not finished? What are you doing to complete them?

I fell into the abyss of Instagram on one tragic night and I came across an illustration that made me feel so visible. It depicted a struggle that I have been working on for several months. Not only did it describe what I had been doing for several years now, but there is an actual word for it. It’s called revenge bedtime procrastination . It sounds so unfortunate with revenge in there, but it is really the most liberating feeling when it is happening even though there are so many downsides to this behavior. Revenge bedtime procrastination also known as retaliatory staying up late is described by journalist Daphne K. Lee as the phenomenon where “ people who don’t have much control over their daytime life refuse to sleep early in order to regain some sense of freedom during late-night hours .” It is an attempt by individuals to feel some semblance of control of their time. Before the pandemic, I would be up by 5a.m. getting two children and myself ready for work and school and out the door by 7a.m. We’d get the train to Manhattan, where I would drop them off and either walk to class close by or take another train back to Brooklyn, depending on the schedule that day. Every day I was working and in class, so I was on the train at least three times before heading to pick up my children, and then back home to Brooklyn. I get home and it’s dinner, baths, dishes, lunch preparation and homework. And I still had to be someone’s wife. There was no time to breathe. Regardless of my strenuous schedule, I still found time to engage in revenge bedtime procrastination, even though it meant I was losing sleep. I hardly ever made it to bed before 12a.m, and I had to be up by 5a.m. I craved that time to myself at the end of a long day, especially when I felt like I had been driven like a mule. Revenge bedtime procrastination can easily go for thirty minutes, to an hour, two hours, and pretty soon, sleep begins to feel like it no longer matters. It can quickly get out of control to the point that this becomes a practice several nights a week. It eventually becomes draining. It leaves your mind and body depleted, but there is still always that desire to escape. This really fuels the behavior, even though you know it is detrimental. The need for control and freedom surpasses the need for sleep . It feels like every part of your day belongs to everyone else, but you. So at night, you take back the control that you have freely given to everyone else. It feels almost euphoric in the moment. But then comes the massive downside; you’re losing sleep and if that continues, your health suffers. Revenge bedtime procrastination feels good in the moment, but engaging in the behavior only harms you. If itcontinues long-term, there are truly detrimental effects on a person’s physical and mental wellness. The Phillips Global Sleep Study “ showed that 62% of adults worldwide feel they don’t get enough sleep, averaging 6.8 hours on a weeknight compared to the recommended amount of eight hours. ” Lack of sleep is truly a global crisis” and long-term sleep deprivation is harmful in every way. For this reason, long term sleep deprivation is a pathway to poor health. As liberating as it feels to just grab some time to yourself, it is important to manage the amount of time spent engaging in whatever activity brings you comfort and gives you that control. The saying I’ll sleep when I die is indeed the most toxic belief that one can exercise, because in actuality, not sleeping can lead to an earlier death. That is truly the travesty of uncontrolled revenge bedtime procrastination. Today, declare that you are prepared to make changes for better sleep hygiene. Treat your body and mind like the temples that they are for a longer and more fulfilling life. Do you exercise revenge bedtime procrastination? Photo of graphic illustration by Erica Lewis/Instagram with explicit permission to use illustration

The year has come to a close and I have yet to declutter worksheets brought home over the last three months. I know many parents find themselves facing a common dilemma: what to do with the endless stacks of school worksheets that have accumulated over the months. Worry not, for we have the perfect solution to help you breeze through this end-of-year organizational task! Step 1: Sort and Prioritize Start by gathering all the worksheets from different subjects and sorting them into categories. You can create piles for each subject or organize them by date to easily track the progress throughout the year. Prioritize the worksheets based on their importance and relevance, making it easier to decide what to keep and what to let go. Step 2: Declutter and Recycle Now, it’s time to declutter! Go through each pile of worksheets and eliminate any duplicates or unnecessary papers. Encourage your kids to join in on the fun by involving them in the decision-making process. You can recycle the papers that are no longer needed, teaching your kids the importance of sustainability and organization. Step 3: Create a Keepsake Folder Select the most valuable and memorable worksheets to create a keepsake folder. These can include special projects, artwork, or assignments that hold sentimental value. By preserving these precious memories, you can create a tangible reminder of your child's growth and achievements throughout the school year. Step 4: Go Digital In this digital age, why not digitize your child's school worksheets? Scan important papers and save them in organized folders on your computer or cloud storage. This not only saves physical space but also ensures that these memories are safely preserved for years to come. Step 5: Celebrate It is now complete and we can now celebrate the sense of accomplishment that comes with a year well spent and the memories made along the way. With these simple steps, organizing your kids' school worksheets at the end of the year doesn't have to be a daunting task. By following our enthusiastic guide, you can turn this chore into a fun and rewarding activity that brings the whole family together. So, grab those papers, put on your organizing hat, and let's make this end-of-year cleanup a breeze! Happy organizing! (Top photo by Daria Shevtsova /Unsplash)

If there’s sand and a shore line, it’s a beach. On the way there, the girls were extremely excited about heading to the lake. I told them that we were heading to Million Dollar Beach and they were massively confused, especially my seven year old—understandably so. A lake being referred to as a beach required some explanation I guess I did a good job, because everyone understood. Part of my conclusion was, “If there’s sand and a shore line, it’s a beach.” As we emerged from the towering trees, we came upon the most striking lake view that reminded me of Marigot Beach in my island home Saint Lucia . It was indeed a view I did not expect, and I was more than pleasantly surprised. My mother was gobsmacked. She ended up calling my stepdad for a video chat to show how beautiful the lake is. The girls were also eager to get in the water. A sweet couple offered their picnic table and bench that they were done using. He warned us about the aggressive seagulls that began surrounding us. We sat and tried having lunch, but the seagulls were quickly becoming a distraction. The girls were initially afraid, but with a few lessons on gently shooing and showing them that the birds were more intimidated by them, they got the hang of it. I was so smitten by the view, that I went in and out of noticing my children chasing seagulls. We enjoyed the stunning views and seeing the steam boat Lac du Saint Sacrement cruise line in the far distance. After taking a break from lunch, we enjoyed time in the water. About three hours later, we packed up and headed home. My daughters said this was one of the best days ever. This day definitely deserves a repeat.

Work is a privilege that many of us share—it gives us purpose, structure, and the ability to contribute to something larger than ourselves. Yet, it also comes with its fair share of challenges. Stress, fatigue, and burnout are becoming increasingly common in our fast-paced, always-on work culture. This growing issue not only affects our productivity but also takes a significant toll on our mental, emotional, and physical well-being. If you’ve ever felt the weight of a hectic workday following you home, you’re not alone. However, there are simple habits you can incorporate into your daily routine to help alleviate these stresses and create a clear boundary between work and personal life. These habits can help you transition smoothly out of “work mode,” leaving space for rest, reflection, and rejuvenation. Here are five habits  to try at the end of your workday to stave off the negative effects of busy and hectic days: 1. Reflect on the Day: After logging off, take a few quiet moments to reflect on your day. Think about the highlights—what went well, what challenges you overcame, and any lessons you learned. Did you handle a tough situation with grace? Celebrate that. Did you learn something new? Acknowledge it. This reflection serves as a form of closure for the day, allowing you to process your experiences and make sense of them. It’s also an opportunity to express gratitude, even for small wins, which can shift your mindset to one of positivity and growth. 2. Disconnect from Work Email: Notifications follow us everywhere, so it’s crucial to establish boundaries between work and personal time. Commit to disconnecting from work emails, chats, and other communication platforms once your workday is over. This intentional boundary sends a clear message to yourself and others: your personal time is valuable. Letting go of work-related stressors during your off-hours not only prevents burnout but also allows you to fully engage in the other aspects of your life. 3. Engage in Physical Activity: Movement is a natural stress reliever, and incorporating physical activity into your post-work routine can do wonders for your overall wellbeing. Whether it’s a brisk walk in the neighborhood, a yoga session to stretch out the tension, or an intense workout to sweat out the day’s frustrations, the key is to find something you enjoy. Physical activity releases endorphins, the body’s natural mood boosters, helping you feel more relaxed and rejuvenated. It’s also an excellent way to signal to your brain that it’s time to transition out of “work mode.” 4. Mindful Transition Ritual: Sometimes, we need a clear cue to mark the end of the workday. A mindful transition ritual can be as simple or elaborate as you like. Change into comfortable clothes, take a shower, light a candle, play some calming music, or spend five minutes practicing deep breathing or meditation. The ritual acts as a mental and physical signal that the workday is over, allowing you to fully embrace your personal time. Over time, this routine can become a comforting and grounding practice that you look forward to each evening. 5. Plan for Tomorrow: Before you fully wind down, spend a few minutes organizing your thoughts for the next day. Write down your top priorities, outline key tasks, or jot down reminders. This simple act can help clear your mind and give you a sense of control over what’s coming next. By planning ahead, you’re creating a mental boundary that allows you to “close the loop” on today’s work. This reduces the likelihood of intrusive work-related thoughts interrupting your evening and helps you approach tomorrow with clarity and focus. Incorporating these habits into your after-work routine doesn’t have to be overwhelming or time-consuming. Small, consistent changes can add up, creating a ripple effect that improves not just your evenings but your overall sense of well-being. Work-life balance is not just about working less—it’s about living more fully. By prioritizing habits that nurture your mind and body, you can create space to unwind, recharge, and show up as your best self—both at work and in life. Which of these habits will you try tonight? Share your experiences and let’s continue the conversation about finding balance in a busy world.

When discussing fashion, people can have very strong views on what it means to them, or their beliefs on the industry as a whole. No matter where you stand on the subject, the fact that you exist in a body makes you are a participant of the world of fashion. Even nudist wear shoes, and that small contribution is an indicator that fashion is part of all our lives. Recently, I came across the show Worn Stories on Netflix. It is a show where people explore articles of clothing that played a major role in their lives. Whether it be memories of a fun adventure, a source of identity and inclusion, or a moment where tenacity and resilience paid off, clothes hold beautiful meaning. I have to say I was captured and began to think about all the clothes that hold great meaning in my life—or at least those I can find photos of. These are the clothing that spoke to me at the time and some to this day. 1. My leather jacket One of the earliest sightings of this leather jacket was from 2009. I bought it from Arden B. From the moment I saw it, I fell in love. When I wear it, I feel like a total 5’ 3” badass and sexy at the same time. The belt adds a great feminine touch and cinches my waist line for a great silhouette. I just feel great when I’m in it. And as a girl whose favorite season is fall, followed by winter, I look forward to wearing it every year. 2. My favorite swimsuit Long Beach, Renata Poleon This swimsuit is a thing of beauty. I still have it, even though I haven’t worn it since I had my first daughter. It was so liberating to wear this bathing suit to the beach. For a long time, I had a love hate relationship with my legs. It was years before I went to a beach after moving to the US. As much as it was difficult being away from the ocean for that long, I needed time to learn to love every part of my body. Every time I wore it, it felt like a coming out party and me making the declaration, “Take me as I am world, because I love me.” There is no greater feeling. 3. My light blue booty shorts Following the display of my legs in a swimsuit came the freedom to wear these shorts. They were a pair of Forever 21 shorts that gave me life. The hips have certainly widened since this photo turning them into what looks like underwear and not pants, so I can ever wear these outdoors again. I have to say I love them and I still wear it around the house when cleaning. 4. My grey sling bag This was a gift from a friend back in my days as a babysitter. We worked in the same building and got to know each other pretty well. She gave me this bag as a birthday gift and I loved it. It looked great with everything and fed into my love of chains and leather while being relatively understated. I loved it. It had a lifespan of almost eight years until I had to retire her, but I had so many great times with this bag. 5. My trench coat I purchased this coat from Banana Republic and it has been one of my staples during fall and spring seasons. You can never go wrong with a great trench coat and the quality is superb. To this day, it still looks like new. After two children, I’m still able to fit in there. It satisfies my connection with timeless pieces over trends. I hope I never have to give this away. 6. My wedding dress Last, but not least, my wedding dress. Though I am no longer a wife, I loved and still love my wedding dress. It’s tucked away in my closet, but the story behind this dress was overwhelming. I was probably about a week away from my wedding date and still hadn’t found a dress. I was filled with anxiety and I walked into a DVF store in Soho. The store was low on stock. I tried a couple dresses and wasn’t happy, but I came across this one. Then I ran into a size issue, but with the help of the staff, I was able to find the dress. It was perfect. Clothes tell a story, so the question is, what story are your clothes telling about you or what story do you want them to tell?

This week has been difficult. I feel like my consciousness is frequently violated by horrible news, and the humanity of those who look like me is frequently being questioned. I don’t have the luxury of ignoring the news even if I wanted to, because it affects me and everyone who looks like. I have wanted to make this space one that doesn’t not delve too much into the political climate, but to do that is to disregard my very existence. Amanda Gorman the youngest inaugural poet titled her 2020 TED Talk, Using Your Voice is a Political Choice , and she is so right. You may slump back into your chair thinking, “Really?” Yes really. When you watch anyone with a social media presence, you’re not just looking at an individual, but you’re engaging in how that person takes up space in the world. Capturing yourself in photographs and using language is making a statement about how individuals wants others to perceive her very existence. Everything translated through pictures and words is a political statement. Today, I am using my voice to say: I am Renata “Bre.” I am a mother of two. I recently graduated with a BA in Psychology with a concentration in industrial/organizational psychology. I love painting, writing poetry, crocheting, knitting, reading and seeking adventure that involves nature. I am an introvert and I am passionate about humanity. I love making people around me feeling ten feet tall. I never intentionally hurt people and I am thoughtful. I am an only child, I love my mother dearly, I am a great friend and mother. You don’t have to know all of these things about me to respect and extend to me human kindness. My very existence requires that of you. For the black people especially who may see this post, and those who understand what we go through, I want you to take care of yourselves. Set the bar high for doing something that helps you have some inner peace and come to terms with all that is happening around us. Get together with like minded individuals. Talk to a friend, a therapist or a family member. Engage in some serotonin boosting activities . Hug on your partner. Light some candles and put on some music that soothes your soul. Just anything that helps relieve the stress and frustration that you may be harboring. We need to find ways to channel all that hurt in a way that brings us closer to healing our generational and collective trauma. I don’t have the answers, and like many people, I am processing myself. I just want those of us feeling this assault to take a moment to breathe and work on healing ourselves. We will get there. Namaste.

Being a parent can be one of the most joyful experiences of your life, and it of course comes with great responsibility. That responsibility can wear even the most prepared parent to the point that your mental health may be in question at times. It can all become too much so quickly. As parents and primarily as women, we are taught that all this responsibility lies on us. Many of us weren’t taught how to care for ourselves in ways that prevent burnout. I don’t ever recall growing up a moment when my mother and I spoke on the importance of self-care as part of wellness and well-being. This is why it is important to practice wellness habits. Here are 5 ways parents can help keep your spirit and energy afloat: 1. Make a menu for the week Unless you’ve done this, you don’t know how much of a life saver that planning your family meals can be. In these pandemic times, I think people are experiencing what I like to call food fatigue . Being home with the kids and having to figure out every breakfast, lunch, snack and dinner can be so mentally exhausting, especially if you have to work. I’d start well with breakfast, and by the time we got dinner, with all the complaints and the request for modifications, all I wanted to do was make them oatmeal with a side of fruit and send them to bed. I had enough of it. Once I began meal planning, it began to get easier not having to think about what to make an hour before dinner. I also told my kids you eat what you can off that plate, since there is no force feeding at my house. I make small modifications, like if someone doesn’t quite like potatoes, they can have rice, but the full meal does not change. You also know that I am not a sous chef, therefore, if you refuse to eat, your only options are crackers and cheese or cereal. There will be no striking of the pot just for you. By all means, carry on with the tears while I enjoy my five star meal. 2. Breathing exercises and stretching with/without the kids Breathing exercises are part of my daily routine whether it be for 2 or 5 minutes, several times throughout the day. Doing this is a reminder to be in the present, and connect with not not just your physical existence, but also make a spiritual connection. From the time the girls were little, I made it a point to teach them how to cope with big feeling/emotions by practicing breathing exercises. It has been a life saver, because nothing is better than finding a method that allows children to sit in their feelings and yet exit them in a calm and constructive way. I also enjoy stretching with the girls at least twice a week, especially on Sundays. It is a time for us to keep limber bodies, but also to have fun. The laughter that happens when they exercise with me keeps me motivated and happy to share such simple joys with them. When I’m on my own, I enjoy the focus on stretches and that quiet time to focus on me. Just create a good routine and you will see the benefits. 3. Take warm baths/showers Studies show that warm showers or baths help relieve symptoms of depression, increase energy, improve sleep. After a long day, nothing feels more soothing than taking a warm bath or shower. Outside of the physical cleansing, it acts as a spiritual cleansing that can help you feel like you’ve washed off the weight of today and you’re ready to venture out into tomorrow. Timing is also great with showers or baths. If you’re a single parent, a parent of very young children or a partner who is not home till after the kids’ bath time, reserve this sacred time for after they have been been put to bed. If you have help, request that all kids be kept away and really make this time for you; a glass of wine, candle, a good book, or maybe some other toys. I’m not judging. 4. Sleep Sleep is vital part of physical and mental wellness. Having too little sleep or the inability to have enough sleep leads to so many sleep disorders. So many parents walk around sleep deprived, because there is so much to do in so few hours. The demands of parenthood and life literally keeps us awake at night. Whether you need to consult your doctor or create a sleep routine, find a way to begin improving your sleep or burnout will be in your future. 5. Journal I love writing, and for me, journaling is easy, but even that took a back seat for some time. Fortunately, journal entries don’t have to be two pages long to feel adequate. Something as simple as how you feel when you got up can be a great start. My therapist reminded me that even one word is enough, because sometimes that is all you can muster up for the day. Just expressing that emotion is a great thing especially since being a mom or dad is an emotionally exhausting responsibility. While your child expresses every emotion to the moon and back, you have to be calm and restrained so as to not make the circumstances worse. Those emotions are pushed into a corner of your brain. These need to be let out and released and journaling is a great start. Do it often and it becomes a great habit. These are the habits I have tried to implement in my life with much success. It is okay to be a committed parent, but you also have to invest in you. Share your own self-care tips. (Photo by Rachel Claire on Pexels.com )

This weekend is not starting off well. I have now gotten a cold from my kids, so we’re all sick. In addition, we have to go to my daughter’s friend’s birthday party. We don’t want to miss it at all, but it is looking like we may just have to stay home. It’s going to be a cold weekend, and all I want to do is drink a never ending supply of hot cocoa with a faux fur blanket while I watch Lifetime and Hallmark Christmas movies with my girls. I also want to make cupcakes and play board games; our version of a cozy weekend. What are your plans this weekend? (Photo from Samantha Gades)

Yesterday marked a major milestone. I had my last therapy session yesterday morning and I am a bit sad that the stranger who played a significant role in my life for a few months is now gone. She listened to me, and made me feel that my voice was being heard. And now it’s gone. I started going to therapy earlier this year. Many factors brought me to the realization that I needed support. I am a wife, a mom to two toddlers, a college student, and a chronic illness survivor ( fibromyalgia ). There were also other responsibilities outside of these roles and it added to everything. I was taking three classes, some at night. I was waking around 4:45 a.m. to prepare lunches, get myself and the girls ready to take them to school by train. We were usually out of the door by 7:15 a.m. and at their schools by 8 a.m. I then commuted to work for about another thirty-five minutes. Whether it was school first or work first, my schedule was always consistent with the frequent commuting. I rode the train back to pick them up, then we returned home. We then did baths, dinner and story time. After that came clean up and tons of homework that on average had me up till 12 a.m and sometimes later. If you do the math, I was getting no more than five hours on a typical night . Weekends were not any better, because I tried to cram in activities for the kids, more studying and household chores. I had no social life. Everything I did was for my children and my education. I had been doing this for a year and I was burning out quickly from both ends . I was sleep deprived and extremely fatigued all the time. I found myself going into my closet to cry more often than I could count. I didn’t want my children to see me like that. I was in more pain than I had been in a long time, but I kept pushing myself. I got frequent fibromyalgia flares that lasted longer with more fibro fog symptoms. It was bad. It was really bad. There was one incident that took place. It was so insignificant, but I had such a strong reaction to it. I was irritated by it and I let it be known. I upset my mom. The following day was Mother’s Day and I was crying to my mom in her kitchen. Even writing about it makes me want to cry. All I kept saying to my mom was, “I’m so tired mom,” while crying. Shortly after, I made an appointment at my college’s counseling center. I knew it was time to seek an objective sounding board. I could no longer tell myself I was managing things, because I wasn’t. I was barely surviving. I was hanging by the skin of my teeth. I finally had to acknowledge during our initial meetings that I wasn’t taking care of myself and I was doing such a poor job of it. I was taking care of everyone, and neglecting myself. It was only then change began to take place. The unfortunate part is this story is so common for so may women, and yet this vicious cycle keeps repeating itself decade after decade, century after century. So many factors impact our wellness, but knowing that there are resources and a community willing to help makes a world of a difference. NYC Summer, Renata Poleon I am happy to have gone through this painful and torturous experience, because I now have the right tools for maintaining my wellness. I am feeling better. No more crying in my closet. I fall asleep many nights with my kids, and I have many more outlets to cope with stress and anxiety. Being well is easier said than done. It is an uphill battle, and it will never be perfected, but it is worth being made a priority. A well woman is a well wife, a well mother, a well daughter and a well friend. Make the step today.