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Well, I have tried my utmost best to shut that moment in time out of my mind to the point that I have forgotten the year. It may have been 2006 or 2007. My best friend and I stopped speaking to each other and it broke my heart. We were supposed to meet a classmate for dinner in Tribeca, NYC. We made arrangements to meet at an Indian restaurant opposite the Whole Foods on Greenwich Street. I tried my hardest to give the most detailed directions to get there. It proved to be very hard at the time for her, so she never made it to dinner. The phone call requesting for further directions was the last one we would have for another few years. You may be reading this and thinking. What?! What happened?! In all honesty nothing other than what I said to you. We were great friends. We have been friends from twelve years old; share birthdays a day apart, we talked about any and everything, we never argued, we anticipated each other’s thought, we were always thoughtful and respectful to each other. We showed each other kindness and concern, and this happened. I refused to call her and she did the same. I have to admit that I was going through a rough time in my then relationship. I was dating someone who wasn’t considerate of my feelings. I was getting tired. I was at a place where I felt I was trying to meet everyone half way and no one was making the effort for me. All of this had nothing to do with her. Not a single thing. All it would have required was a phone call, but instead it became a rift that lasted for years, because we were both too stubborn to reach out. As the years passed, I thought about the birthdays I missed and what she was doing. Was she dating someone new? Is she married? I hope everything is well with her family. I hope she is doing great. I never forgot my best friend even though it felt like we completely ghosted each other. I was supposed to be the godmother to her children and her to mine. I didn’t think we would ever get back into each other’s lives. Then one day, I opened up my messenger inbox and saw a message from her. My heart skipped a beat. I missed her so much and I was happy to see that she had thought of me over the years that we did not speak. We agreed to just put that rather tragic day aside and meet up with each other. It was a hot summer day when we decided to call a truce. She was wearing a boldly printed skirt and her hair was in a huge Afro. I can’t remember what I was wearing. We walked to each other and just hugged. We did not skip a beat. We talk like we had never lost that time. There was no anger or animosity, because the circumstances under which we stopped talking wasn’t major. There was no need to discuss anything, but rather make up for lost time. All I knew in that moment was I would never let this happen again. I felt silly that I had participated in letting this trivial incident cause us to lose so much time with each other. Nonetheless, it worked out fine. Two days ago, I sat in therapy, and came to a sad realization. As honest as I am in my friendships and relationships, I do not like confrontations. I would prefer to lose a friendship than have an extremely uncomfortable conversation where I am trying to convince someone to see things from my perspective, or to understand my thought process. It is deathly uncomfortable for me to the point that I would prefer to stay silent than speak up. This is why I lost my friendship. It wasn’t because of the misunderstanding, but rather that I refused to address a small problem. She was worth the argument, but at the time, I chose to disengage in a way that hurt us both. Aren’t I glad for the gift of time and healing?! The ability to reconnect and rebuild. I am so happy that I did not lose my best friend forever. We’re in such a great place as we have been for the last couple of years. What I do know is I will never let that happen again. I am older and wiser. I will confront the issue, have the uncomfortable conversation and move past it. Have you ever experienced a friendship break up?

When it comes to organization I have a simple mantra: No clutter in my home. No clutter in my heart. No clutter in my mind. No clutter in my spirit. I have found that you can tell a lot about a person by how they keep their closets; how they’re feeling and even what they think of themselves. A disorganized home doesn’t have to be a permanent thing, nor is it a quick fix. It takes some dedication to a process. Here are some things that can get in the way. 1. You impulse buy without having a home for things This is such a big issue for so many people. Recently, I walked by a building on garbage day and saw so many Amazon boxes that just made me go “Wow.” First it was the number of boxes and secondly, I wondered how many of these deliveries were necessities and how many impulse buys. In a society here rabid consumerism is flaunted as something that we should all aspire to, people forget how little we need to live comfortably. That is relative to each person, but it is also important to question, how much does a person really need to be happy. Ask yourself before a purchase, “Do I really need this item, and will it have a home?” “Does it add or take away from the vision I have for the space?” You don’t bring a baby home without having space for it, so apply that thought process when it comes to new purchases. 2. You don’t have a vision of what you want your space to look like Before getting to the organizing and decluttering of your home, it is really important to have a vision for your space. There has to be an end goal in terms of what you hope to achieve. Your vision has to be clear and realistic. It is therefore important that you hone in on your likes, dislikes and what inspires you in your home. Whether you’re a minimalist or a maximalist, everyone wants a home that is free of clutter. With that in mind, assess the clutter hotspots in your home. Whether it’s the kitchen, your bedroom, entryway, or bathroom, find out why things accumulate in that area, and try to work on a solution that is suitable for the space. Make purchases within your budget to help make the space more functional. 3. You attach emotion to almost everything There are things in your home that genuinely hold significant meaning and value, but there are those that you think you just have to keep. Learning to distinguish between the things that give true joy, and things you just want to keep makes a world of difference. Whether it past trauma or difficulty letting go of things, this behavior can be problematic for your living space and other household members. Everything with sentimental value does not have to be kept. I once read about a young woman who said she kept a balloon that was gifted to her, because it meant so much to her. She was in foster care and she moved from home to home, so she held onto everything that showed someone cared. It would make sense why even the smallest things meant so much, given her life experience. She eventually learned that not everything needs to be held onto. You have to let go of some old things to make room for the new ones. You can still have the memories. 4. You have unrealistic expectations Where do I begin with this one. As an organized person, I cannot begin to tell you how often I have fallen victim to this. Let’s use laundry for instance. I used to want all the laundry folded properly, organized by long-sleeved shirts, short-sleeved shirts, long sleeved pants and so on. In the closet I organize by color, sleeve length, pant leg and season. Who has time to maintain this with the never ending amounts of laundry? It became exhausting and drain, especially since I was the only one doing all the washing and folding, along with one million and one other responsibilities. It was unrealistic. When setting household goals, you have to be sure that they are attainable and it can be maintained long term. That’s what makes it realistic. 5. You don’t commit You have a vision, you’ve created a plan, you’ve sought out help from family members or a professional and you still can’t follow through. For change to happen, you need to commit to it. Not doing the homework assigned by a professional only makes it difficult to even start and possibly maintain the process. You need to follow through. Put one foot in front the other and start the process. What habits do you have that prevent you from having an organized space?

Being an is quite honestly what I now think of as my superpower, but it wasn’t always that way. Then, about ten years ago, I did a personality test that revealed that I was an INFJ. “An Advocate (INFJ) is someone with the Introverted , Intuitive , Feeling , and Judging personality traits. They tend to approach life with deep thoughtfulness and imagination.” ( 16 Personalities ). This explained a lot to me. I am introverted, but I am moderately sociable. I get drained easily by the presence of too many people. I am a highly sensitive person (HSP). People for some reason feel that they can tell me things that they would almost never reveal to others. I frequently hear, “I feel like I’ve known you long time.” I also have a strong urge to heal and help others. This is when it can be overwhelming. Empaths need to recharge frequently, so here are the 7 ways to do that throughout the day. 1. Deep breathing There is nothing more soothing than gently feeling your breath go in and out of you. The more intentional your breath, the more life you breathe in, and the calmer your space. It is breathe that reminds you are alive. Whether you’re sitting at your desk working, lying down, or just in desperate need of a moment, deep breathing can help neutralize negative feelings and have a profound effect on one’s state of mind, creating a space of more positive energy. 2. Meditate Meditation is the next level of deep breathing. It is a mind and body practice that has a long history of use for increasing calmness and physical relaxation, improving psychological balance, coping with illness, and enhancing overall health and well-being. For an empath, this is crucial, because the absorption of other people’s energy is detrimental to our physiological and mental health. Meditating helps to heighten awareness and refocus attention onto our internal well-being. 3. Commune with nature Nothing calms my spirit and energy like a walk-preferably a long walk. I grew up on a small island surrounded by trees and the ocean, and nothing brings me more joy than being outdoors. Some studies show that exercise can work quickly to elevate depressed mood in many people. Although the effects may be temporary, they demonstrate that a brisk walk or other simple activity can deliver several hours of relief . Connecting with nature is therapeutic for many empaths and a great way to recharge. 4. Watch something funny What’s better than a good laugh? Laughter is a powerful releaser of endorphins in the brain via opiod receptors. This is how powerful laughter is to the humans. It has an effect similar effect to antidepressants. What a great natural way to recharge. 5. Journal Writing things down has a tremendous effect on the brain. I have kept a journal since I was fifteen years old. The ability to release is so important, because empaths harbor a lot in their minds and bodies. All of that can manifest in unhealthy ways, so whether you write and burn—a more ritualistic approach—or write and keep, journaling is a great technique. You can also do voice notes or daily videos if that is more convenient works. 6. Affirmations Affirmations always set the tone for how anyone perceives themselves and how they present themselves in the world. By repeating positive affirmations, you remind yourself that you are more than your present circumstances and can look beyond where you currently are. 7. Have a dance party Move your body. If all fails, dancing will do the trick. Whether you’re an empath or not, how do you recharge?

Happy Friday. We made it to the start of the weekend. As you go into me time   mode, I just want you to remember that you are one of a kind. You’re amazing, and that your gifts, talents and abilities add to that beautifully, flawed and perfect package that you are. Your actions not only impact you, but a lineage. Your healing can be your legacy. Hugs from Brooklyn. 🤎🤎🤎

Challenges are a rite of passage that no one can escape. We all have our crosses to bear, and that usually means that we need healing at some point in our lives. It doesn’t matter how wealthy or beautiful you are, dealing with life’s hardships are never easy. Below are a list of healing quotes that honor your challenges and your healing.

I found out I was pregnant a few days before a trip to St.Lucia. I hadn’t been back to my home country in over ten years and I was excited to once again stand on the land that I once called home. It took three positive tests for me to believe that it was real. What an amazing send off! My then husband and I had been trying for almost a year. I saw my gynecologist before we decided to start trying to conceive and he confirmed that everything looked great. When we found out we were pregnant, we were about to hit that one year mark that would require another visit to his office to answer the question of what may be wrong. Apparently, nothing was wrong. It was just timing I guess. When I landed in St.Lucia, everything was fine. I was ready to take part in all the holiday activities and have a blast, but that came to a screeching halt about half way into my eight day vacation. I began spotting and I was terrified. I kept an eye on the bleeding as I counted down the days until I returned home. I knew that spotting could occur in the first trimester of a pregnancy, but that didn’t take away the worry at all. I was ready to go home. As soon as I landed at the airport, it was a mad dash to the hospital. I arrived at night and it was pouring rain. Thankfully, I live near one and I was able to go in and be seen quickly. It was discovered that that I had a subchorionic hematoma . Most women who do experience a subchorionic hematoma do go on to have normal pregnancies. I was scared, but all I could do was wait for it to heal and pray that I would not lose my little one. At that time, I was working a temp position that was supposed to lead to something permanent. I was making a career change from child care to working for a huge corporation. At almost three months into my pregnancy, I was due for a performance assessment, and was informed that the company was looking to put me in a role that would be beneficial to my long term goals. I was excited that they were pleased with my contribution and I was really looking forward to being there long-term. Shortly after my first trimester passed, anyone who knew me could see I was pregnant. I also experienced significant fatigue and it may have been visible to some, in spite of my attempt to create a facade. I figured since I was showing, I would inform my superior—a woman at that— of the news. That may have been a ridiculous mistake on my part, because by the end of that week, I was told I was no longer needed. Yes. I was informed I was no longer needed since it was the end of the contract. It went from, we would love to keep you, to we no longer need you, right after I broke the news. I think in an attempt to correct her mistake and possibly out of fear that I may take legal action—which I had no plans on doing—she arranged an interview with another hospital branch. It was a great opportunity and I thrived there. Unfortunately, the position was short-lived. While at the new position, I developed pregnancy induced hypothyroidism . I was taking medication for it and kept thinking, nothing else could possibly go wrong. Well, boy was I wrong. I went to one of my regularly scheduled appointments, and after the sonogram, while I sat alone in the doctor’s office, she said, “Today is your last day of work.” She pretty much stated if I wanted to get to full term, I would have to stop working, because as it turns out I had an incompetent cervix . She explained to me what it was, and the course of treatments that we could undertake. I was given a prescription for progesterone suppositories and I was obligated to be on bed rest till the end of my pregnancy. That would be the last day I worked at that position. There were signs of cervical insufficiency that included an immense amount of pressure on my cervix and pelvis. Every time I walked, it felt like I was going to give birth. Having someone say you are confined to a bed for the next four months, even for life saving reasons is nothing short of devastating. I am used to working, and to be home all this time made me depressed in the beginning. I spent only a few minutes at a time on my feet, which included getting food in the kitchen and personal care. I eventually got used to the monotony of my life. Another major pitfall was the loss of income, because I planned on working till eight months into the pregnancy. Unless you’re worth a couple hundred thousand dollars or more, living in a city like NYC, a setback like that becomes costly very quickly. We managed, but it was difficult to lose my stream of income with a baby on the way. In addition, any kind of intimacy went out the window for the fear of me going into preterm labor . Right at my twenty first week, things got worse. At that point I was attending appointments once a week. After a sonogram, I was told that I was going into preterm labor . I had no idea it was even happening. The suppositories apparently did not work, nor did the bed rest. I had to check in immediately to the hospital nearby where I was monitored overnight and scheduled for a cerclage in the morning. On an early March morning, at 2 cm dilated, I had my cervix stitched closed to help me make it to the end of the pregnancy. I was honestly at that point of being emotionally and physically drained. I felt trapped and I wanted out, even though I knew there was nothing more I wanted than my daughter in my arms. When I left the hospital, things felt better, since I knew there was almost no chance of me going into labor. I was still obligated to be on bed rest. I decided to enjoy the time that I got to rest and prepare for her arrival. At, 36 week, my cerclage was removed and a few days later, I went into labor. My daughter’s heart rate was decreasing and my blood pressure spiked, so an emergency c-section was needed. She was born a healthy baby in spite of all the hurdles I faced. I was so grateful for the outcome due to a great team of doctors and nurses. Experiencing such a difficult first pregnancy made me so grateful for my second, because it felt like a breeze. I was still always waiting for the ball to drop, but nothing catastrophic happened. As much as my doctor was concerned, because of my pregnancy history, nothing went wrong. I had not one single issue with my second child and I was so ecstatic. I had a successful VBAC (Vaginal birth after cesarean) , and here I am a mother of two happy and healthy children. I feel grateful. If you’ve had a similar experience of a difficult pregnancy, I would love to hear!

For much of this week, I have been under the weather. It peaked today and I am trying to take all the vitamin C, elderberry and tea that I can handle. It’s an uphill battle and a feeling that I hope to be rid of by the end of the weekend. One of my focuses over the weekend is to create a blog post calendar that allows me to create more meaningful content that carries the themes I would like to discuss. With that said, I am working on being more vulnerable with you my readers, because I feel that I will create better content that way. This week, I rediscovered my Fitbit and read a great post by Mindi Masters 8 Steps to Reaching Your Wellness Potential . I have to say I used to be resistant to such devices, but it really has been a great addition to my wellness and wellbeing. I am able to see how I am doing on my sleep. I now do about four of the two to five minute breathing exercises per day. I am more conscious of centering my energy and really creating a calm and more peaceful feeling within myself. To help my body feel better and to even sleep, I have been doing the 15 minute Beginner Flexibility Routine from Tom Merrick. Also, the most healing video I have found lately that for anxiety that usually leaves me in tears is the Goodful 10-Minute Meditation for Anxiety . It is so soul cleansing that even if you don’t suffer from anxiety, it will help. After stretching and meditating, it’s a perfect time to put your feelings on paper. I find that things flow more easily after a good stretch and some meditation. Make use of that notebook or journal that has just sat in that back corner. Let’s all grab 2021 by the horns and really take charge of our physical, mental and emotional wellness. Please share! What are your wellness activities for the weekend?

It was Saturday. I was cranky and every inch of my body ached. She knocked on my door and said “Mom, come see this.” I wasn’t too excited to get up from resting my aching muscles, but I did. She walked me to the kitchen. She said, “Today is Mom Day, look.” She pointed to the calendar white board where she wrote in with a dry eraser “Mom Day.” Bless her heart for having the sense to use the right marker. It was the cutest thing ever. Liv also handed me a card that she made for me. She is always so thoughtful that sometimes I can’t help but hold and squeeze her. Saturday was declared my day off by Liv and I was sent away to rest on my bed. She insisted. How did I birth such an amazing human? I know, but I don’t want to toot my own horn. What are some of the sweetest things that your child/children have done for you?

For a long time, my apartment didn’t feel like home. I have lived here for about a decade, and it’s a great space, but for some reason, I could not find my sweet spot. It started with two of us, expanded to four at its highest and went to three. It wasn’t because my home is only a little over 400 square feet, or that I still do not like the carpet after all these years. I realized that making a few simple changes helped me appreciate the gem that I have.   If you’re experiencing a similar feeling of your house not feeling like home, here are 7 ways to help bring in the positive energy that you want. 1. Find your style and build on it To create a more comfortable and cohesive space—whatever that means to you—it is really important to know your style. Otherwise, you’re just buying things to fill in the space, and not because it matches your style. Start by getting inspired. All designers are inspired by something or someone. Whether you start from scratch or continue what you’ve started it’s all about creating the atmosphere that you’re most comfortable in. I used the Havenly “ Find Your Style ” questionnaire which is a great resource and you don’t have to sign up for any services. 2. Send someone packing Oops!! Did I really say that? Yes I did. There is nothing worse than horrible energy in your home. It is quite unbearable to live with someone whose energy just negatively shifts everything. When you dread coming home, this is the sign that either you have to send someone packing or you need to pack and leave yourself. Leaving may be the only solution on the path to peace, even though change can be hard. 3. Rearrange furniture and storage Sometimes, all it takes is changing furniture around. The position of your furniture makes such a major difference in the appearance of a room and the flow of energy in that space. Moving your bed or the couch can help it feel more inviting and less cramped than it used to be. I’m not extremely into Feng Shui , but I think some of the basic principles are extremely useful in that it provides guidelines on how to create balance. I think that is what we all strive for in many respects. 4. Declutter My favorite thing in the entire world is decluttering. I will lose sleep over it, which is a subject for another day, but I believe in keeping things that I need, that spark joy and have meaningful memories. “No clutter in my home, no clutter in my heart, no clutter in my mind,”  are my organization and wellness motto. The process of cleansing and purging is therapeutic in so many ways, but it is such an emotional process for people who find it hard to let go of things. If you can’t do it on your own, seek the help of a family member, friend or professional organizer. It truly opens your eyes to the amount of stuff that we keep around us that should not be taking up space in our lives. Go ahead sis and throw away that picture of you and that ex from five years ago. You’ll thank me for it. 5. Find your signature scent Finding a signature scent can be another enticing way to create good energy. Our olfactory nerves are powerful in that a scent arouses emotions and memories. When you pick a scent for your home, you teach the brain to recognize the calm and warmth of being in the safe space. As you walk through the door, it should feel like a gentle hug and squeeze from someone you love. 6. Get some plants and/or flowers I am a plant mom to about twenty plants right now and I want to save every plant from the confines of a store, but I don’t have enough money or space. I encourage that if you don’t have any houseplants, start now. There are so many benefits to having indoor plants . Flowers also do a fantastic job of uplifting a room. So go ahead and rescue some flowers and plants from their temporary homes. Take them out of foster care and give them a happy place, because they will add to your joy. Whatever you’re into, I recommend that you truly enjoy its presence. 7. Change your wall art Displaying artwork can create a feeling of warmth and positivity. Take your time with this one. Careful planning and proper display of wall art may take some time. The placement is important and should tie in with the overall atmosphere that you’re hoping to achieve. Again, seek inspiration and do a trial run before placing them. Once it is all figured out and done, sit back and relax. You did it. Keep working on shifting the energy in your home and maintaining positivity. You deserve a place that radiates with calm and peace always. What are your tips for shifting the energy in your home?

"Blood is thicker than water,” or so they say. The idea that family sticks through thick and thin should be in context and not be applied with a broad brush. The expectation that you keep people around simply because you come from the same blood line in unrealistic and quite frankly traumatizing in some circumstances. As someone who has personally experienced the damage that a toxic family member can bring into your personal space, I know it is extremely devastating. I don’t take lightly the decision to have to completely detach from toxic family members, but there comes a point when enough is enough. 1. When they are abusive Abuse can come in many forms including physically, sexually, emotionally and psychologically. Having to endure any of this type of abuse is life altering and can leave so many scarred, requiring years of healing from the trauma. This is an utter violation and that should not be tolerated. Even if you may not be able to physically get away from the abuse in some circumstances, start by emotionally detaching. 2. When they repeatedly attack your reputation Every time you step out into this world, you are an ambassadors for yourself, and nothing is more devastating than having a family member actively work on destroying that. When this happens, you may feel tempted to question what you may have done to warrant such an attack, but most of the time, it really has nothing to do with with you. When the behavior happens repeatedly, it is time to severe ties, because it shows a complete lack or respect. You don’t need that. 3. When their gossip affects your livelihood It is one thing to tolerate gossip from a wagging tongue, but it is another when what was said affects your ability to take care of yourself or your family. Whether you’re an employee or a business owner, words are powerful and can have a truly devastating effect. This is when you exit stage left. 4. When they don’t respect the boundaries you’ve set You’ve taken the time to address your family member. You’ve expressed that their actions are a violation and going forward, they cannot behave in such a manner, but yet still, here you are again. A second time and a third time. How many more opportunities are you supposed to give someone to redeem themselves? Before they destroy you, protect yourself and your peace. 5. When being in their presence causes anxiety If all you try to do is avoid any kind of interaction with a family member whose mere presence either makes you shudder or send you into a rage, it’s time to move on. At this point, it is best to ask to not be invited to family gatherings if this individual is present. You may be sacrificing communication with other family members who do not understand your actions, but it is not meant for them to understand. This is meant to preserve yourself and there is never anything wrong with that. 6. When they attack your children For some toxic family, it doesn’t stop there. They explore the possibility of also attempting to wreak the same havoc to your children. It’s one thing to attack a solitary adult, but to now spew this toxic behavior to innocent children is beyond reprehensible. Children are not target practice for people who cannot control their actions or words. It is your responsibility as a parent to protect your child at all cost from any further abuse, especially if they are old enough to understand what is happening. Let it be a teachable moment. Always protect your peace, your joy and your happiness. You can now be free create a family of wonderful, nurturing people who we deem as great friends. Go on into the new year and be happy. Share some of your experiences about having to cut off toxic family.