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This week has been one, and everyone is entitled to an opinion about it. That’s the beauty of freedom of speech. But this freedom can be a double-edged sword as we have seen for some time now. While we have the ability to share our thoughts, it becomes problematic when that freedom turns into unprovoked attacks from anonymous strangers hiding behind screens. Unfortunately, the old advice—kill ‘em with kindness—just doesn’t work anymore. Here are some things to consider when dealing with toxic online behavior. They Already Made up Their Minds . Some people, no matter how reasonable your response is, will always remain who they are. Trolls thrive on attention, and engaging with them often only fuels their behavior. If you do choose to respond, it’s best to keep it brief, fact-based, and logical. Resist the urge to get drawn into a prolonged exchange, because trolls deserve very little of your time. One well-reasoned statement is usually enough to make your point. Anything more than that is just feeding into their desire for attention. The reality is that trolls aren’t looking for a productive conversation; they're looking to confirm their bias and gaslight anyone who gets in their way. They Want to Draw You into Their Negativity . At the heart of trolling is often deep unhappiness. Happy, fulfilled people don’t need to lash out at others. Trolls are usually people dealing with their inner turmoil, and their online behavior is often a cry for help—though a destructive one. They lash out to draw attention to their pain, seeking to inflict the same hurt they feel onto others. This behavior is less about you and more about their need for validation or control. But here’s the thing: We don’t have to feed into it. By refusing to engage negatively, we take away the power trolls crave. Their behavior is exhausting, and sooner or later, they will burn themselves out. If they don’t, there’s always the block button, which works wonders. Don't Underestimate the Negativity of Trolls . I first encountered the darker side of online interaction when my daughter was four years old. She loved watching Ryan’s World  on YouTube—a light-hearted, fun show. One day, I noticed something that shocked me: 150,000 likes, but 75,000 dislikes. I turned to her dad and said, “Can you believe that 75,000 people took time out of their day to dislike a video about hands and feet—or whatever it was?” What struck me even more wasn’t just the number of dislikes, but the vitriol in the comment section. It wasn’t a few negative comments—it was a flood of hatred. The comments weren’t just about disliking the video; they were attacks on Ryan, his family, and anyone who dared to enjoy the content. The comment section had become a battlefield. What I was witnessing was trolling at its worst: a toxic, attention-seeking behavior aimed at a child and his family, simply because they could. Hurt People Hurt People . As online communities continue to grow, trolling has become an even more pervasive issue. People who would never dream of behaving this way in face-to-face interactions often lose all social filters behind the anonymity of a screen. This leads to a breakdown in civility, with people freely unleashing their worst thoughts and behaviors. The hallmark of a troll is a loud, unfounded opinion. They rarely contribute anything meaningful to the conversation, but they dominate with insults, criticism, and drama. When called out for their lack of substance, their go-to defense is often: “That’s just my opinion,” or “I’m entitled to my opinion.” In truth, they don’t engage in critical thinking; they’re more interested in hearing themselves talk—or worse, in gaslighting others for sport. Dealing With Attention Seekers . It’s tempting to think that engaging with trolls will somehow set them straight, but avoid them at all costs. If you must engage, remember these three things: Don’t engage emotionally.  Stay calm, stay rational, and if you do respond, make it a single, fact-based statement. Don’t argue for the sake of arguing.  Don’t let them drag you into a debate. Remember, they’re not interested in dialogue; they’re interested in disruption. Use the block button liberally.  Sometimes the best way to protect your peace is to simply remove the toxic voices from your digital space. Trolls will always exist in some form. The internet allows people to express themselves, but it also gives a platform to those who prefer to spread negativity. However, we don’t have to participate in their games. At the end of the day, we can’t control how others behave online, but we can control how we respond. Choose peace over drama. Choose dignity over disruption. And when in doubt, use the block button—it’s there for a reason. Illustrations from Kaitlyn/ Color Me Hapii

What a week! What a week! I’m choosing to end it fabulously, loudly, boldly and with intentional rest over the weekend. I will be taking walks, getting cuddles, creating art, writing, taking baths, journaling and sleeping. I’ve had conversations with the women in my life over the last few days and we have all agreed that our mission from here on out is to rest, chill, block unwanted energy and preserve our sanity. We are reclaiming our time by keeping our words at work far and few between, and minding our business. We will be staying hydrated and not letting this assault take a toll on our mental health. Any mental health expert would point you self-preservation when faced with repeated trauma. Woosah! I will no longer be exposing myself to the individuals who repeatedly cause me harm. We will be establishing clear boundaries, one that isn’t concerned with another’s feelings. We plan on creating community and space for us, and that will be into the foreseeable future. This weekend, a colleague is hosting a Lasers and Feelings game with my daughters. I hope to also catch up on McSweeney’s Internet Tendencies . If satire is your thing, you are in the right place. I need some humor in my life so I might start another round of Psych just to see Shawn and my favorite character Gus solve crime. I will leave you with a little mom and daughter convo. My daughter got in the car at pick up and said "Mom, I have a posh word for proof." I asked her, "What is it?" She said, "Evidence." Lol. And with that, you have a good weekend. (Photo from Magda Fut/Unsplash)

The holiday season is the perfect time to give thoughtfully. If you’re looking to support small businesses, find unique treasures, and shop mindfully, these are some of the best places to find one-of-a-kind Christmas gifts for your loved ones. Etsy . Etsy is the go-to online marketplace for handmade, vintage, and custom printed items. From jewelry to personalized artwork, you can find countless options from small businesses worldwide. Some popular Etsy categories for holiday gifts include: • Personalized home decor  • Customized clothing and accessories • Vintage and upcycled gifts Local Artisan Markets and Holiday Fairs . Holiday markets and artisan fairs are treasure troves of unique gifts crafted by local artists and makers. Many cities and towns host these during the holiday season, and they’re perfect for finding handmade items like: • Jewelry, pottery, and glassware • Handcrafted leather goods • Local food specialties, jams, and baked goods Local Bookstores . For book lovers, local independent bookstores offer not only a curated selection of books but often unique gifts you won’t find elsewhere. Many bookstores stock items like: • Special edition books and signed copies • Unique journals and notebooks • Book-themed gifts, like candles, puzzles, and tote bags Thrift Stores and Antique Shops . If you’re looking for something with a little history or vintage charm, thrift stores and antique shops can be wonderful places to find unique, affordable gifts. Items you might find include: • Vintage jewelry or clothing • Antique home decor or collectibles • Old records, cameras, or other nostalgic items Local Craft Breweries and Wineries . Craft breweries and wineries offer unique products that make great gifts, especially for those who appreciate locally crafted beverages. Many also sell gift sets with branded glassware, and some even offer special holiday releases. Options could include: • Limited-edition holiday brews or wines • Beer and wine tasting kits • Gift baskets with local snacks and pairings Museum and Gallery Shops . They are often overlooked, but they carry an impressive range of gifts that can be perfect for art lovers. From exclusive art prints to unique decor items, you can find gifts that are both thoughtful and stylish. Look out for: • Exclusive prints and posters • Books on art, culture, and history • Unique home decor inspired by exhibits Farmers’ Markets . Farmers’ markets are great places to find handcrafted, artisanal gifts. Many vendors offer unique food items perfect for the foodie in your life. Consider picking up items like: • Handmade soaps and candles • Locally made jams, honey, or hot sauces • Unique woodwork, pottery, or leather goods Online Marketplaces for Independent Brands (e.g., Uncommon Goods, Society6). Online marketplaces like Uncommon Goods and Society6 showcase products from independent artists and designers. You’ll find a mix of quirky, fun, and unique items, like: • Personalized kitchen gadgets and tools • Creative wall art, prints, and tapestries • Handmade games, puzzles, and activity sets These platforms are great if you’re shopping for something specific, as they allow you to filter by category or theme. Handmade Soap and Skincare Boutiques . For a luxurious yet practical gift, local skincare boutiques or artisanal soap makers are excellent spots to explore. Handmade soaps and skincare items make beautiful gifts, especially for those who appreciate natural and eco-friendly products. You might find: • Scented soaps and bath bombs • Natural skincare products • Special holiday sets with seasonal scents Plant Nurseries and Garden Centers . If you’re shopping for someone with a green thumb, visit a local plant nursery or garden center. These places often have a unique selection of plants, gardening tools, and accessories, as well as holiday-themed plants like poinsettias or small Christmas trees. Gift ideas include: • Unique indoor plants or succulents • Gardening kits and tools • Planters and pots in various designs Subscription Services . A subscription can be a gift that keeps on giving all year. Look for local or niche subscription services that align with the recipient’s interests, such as: • Monthly book or magazine subscriptions • Wine or beer-of-the-month clubs • Local coffee roasters or tea clubs Record Stores . For the music lover in your life, independent record stores often carry rare vinyl, limited editions, and even music-inspired gifts like band T-shirts and posters. In addition to vinyl, consider looking for: • Retro-inspired record players • Music memorabilia • Gift cards for the store Specialty Food Stores . For unique edible gifts, specialty food stores are a goldmine. Many local stores carry gourmet items perfect for holiday gift-giving, like: • Imported chocolates, cheeses, and cured meats • Rare spices, sauces, and cooking oils • Gift baskets with a mix of local and international goodies Local Art Studios and Maker Spaces . Many local art studios and maker spaces sell works by local artists, from ceramics to paintings and handblown glass. This is a fantastic option for one-of-a-kind art and decor items, like: • Hand-thrown pottery • Original paintings or mini sculptures • Decorative glassware or ornaments Ethical and Fair Trade Stores . If you’re looking to support ethical practices, fair trade stores offer beautiful gifts crafted by artisans around the world. These items often come with stories that make them even more meaningful, and they’re usually handmade using sustainable materials. You can find items like: • Handmade textiles, scarves, and jewelry • Wood carvings, woven baskets, and home decor • Fair trade coffee, chocolate, and spice s Craft and DIY Kits from Hobby Stores . Finally, if you’re shopping for someone creative, consider gifting a DIY or craft kit from a hobby or craft store. These kits make for fun, hands-on gifts and can include: • Knitting, crochet, or embroidery kits • Paint-by-numbers or mini sculpture sets • Build-your-own model kits Finding unique gifts doesn’t have to be challenging. From local markets to online marketplaces, these places are perfect for discovering meaningful, one-of-a-kind presents that reflect thoughtfulness and creativity. Happy holiday shopping!

"My name is Junie B. Jones. The B stands for Beatrice. Except I don't like Beatrice. I just like B and that's all." This is the opening line for almost every one of the twenty-eight books in the Junie B. Jones series. It has been a staple in our family for several months. I did not realize that the series was controversial until I decided to look up the reviews. Some parents refer to Junie B. Jones as promoting poor grammar, selfish behavior and a negative attitude. They also highlighted it with things like "literary trash" and "beware of Junie B. Jones." I was honestly flabbergasted and appalled by these comments, because as someone who has worked with kids since I was nineteen years old, I think Babara Park captured the mind of a child entering kindergarten to first grade with impeccable accuracy, and for that reason, the series gets five stars from me. Junie B. Jones is comedy gold for young readers. The story centers on "almost six-year-old" Junie B. Jones and her adventures. Junie B. Jones does not fit the mold of what little girls are taught to be. She is spirited, loud, and opinionated, yet funny, friendly, and overall a happy child. She constantly breaks the rules and is allowed to course through her mistakes without there needing to be a moral of the story element. Time and time again, Junie B. Jones falters and she is allowed to recover from her silly, childlike mistakes. Park really invites us into the mind of Junie B. Jones, the kid who doesn't always get it right but keeps on trying. I may have enjoyed the series more than my kids, because there were so many moments of intense laughter between my girls and I. There was so much excitement to huddle into one of their twin beds to read two to three chapters a night. This is the reason why the series has sold 65 million copies in 25 years. As an adult, I connected with Junie B. Jones and so did my children. It has inspired a love of reading and confidence in my children in a way that has been quite admirable. Junie B. Jones knows who she is and what she wants and isn't afraid to speak up for herself. Junie B. in my eyes is a mentor and not the menace that she is sometimes described as. There are beautiful lessons to be learned from Junie B. Jones and it is well worth the read. (Photo of Junie B. Jones/ Wharton Center and Book Series/ Walmart )

A red lip is a bold statement, especially around the holidays. I've loved red lipstick since my early twenties. As someone who cannot wear eye makeup during certain seasons, I focus on my lips. Whether I worked as a nanny, in human resources, or as a substitute teacher, I love wearing a red lip. The only time I recall not wearing a red lip for a couple of years was the early stages of motherhood where I became a very relaxed and muted version of myself. Then there was COVID-19, where I worked from home for over three years and barely wore an ounce of makeup. By this time, I owned not one red lipstick. I don't know what I was thinking, but I was clearly out of my mind. As a way to get back to my normal self, I went on the hunt for red lipstick since my old lipstick was discontinued. I was so lucky to have found my color on my first try. Here are some tips on finding your perfect red lipstick: How to Choose the Perfect Red See it on Your Skin Tone . It is recommended that we know our undertones to pick out the perfect lip color, but that may not work all the time. If you don't know whether you are a warm, neutral, or cool undertone, shopping in person is your best bet. For those who do know their undertone, you can flex your muscles with both in-person and online shopping. Choose your Finish . Color is not the only thing to consider when choosing lipstick. The finish is equally important to the final look. Here are a few things to consider: Are you looking for a long-wearing matte formula, a tinted lip balm, or a satin lipstick with high moisture? Keep in mind that a lipstick’s texture (cream, matte, or gloss) could affect the way the shade looks on your lips. If you want to ease your way into a bold red lip, a gloss is a great place to start and build from. Some websites allow you to find your perfect shade by uploading a photo of yourself and applying different shades Accentuate . Your overall look contributes to the appearance of your lipstick. You can add a lip liner to perfect the outer lines of your lipstick or for contrast. You can also go for a soft look, something dewy, or even full glam. Whatever direction you go, this is the moment to enhance your lipstick and accentuate your features. If you keep these three things in mind, you’re well on your way to finding the perfect color. Bold, Renata Poleon, 2024 (Top photo from Shutterstock)

When Thanksgiving comes around, we tend to think of the traditionally large family gathering; the kind you see paraded on television around this time of year. Thanksgiving doesn't have to be a grand affair with a large gathering if that is not what you want. As someone who grew up in a country where Thanksgiving wasn't celebrated, it took some time to appreciate the holiday. I have learned to embrace the intended spirit of Thanksgiving—family and food. For over ten years, I have chosen to celebrate with just my immediate family, my mother and stepdad. You can still create a warm and meaningful Thanksgiving experience, minus the unwanted interactions and insane amount of cleaning. If you're celebrating with just immediate family or alone, you are in good company. Here are a few ways to enjoy small gatherings for a peaceful Thanksgiving . Small Family Thanksgiving Keep it Simple . Don't feel pressured to prepare a full Thanksgiving feast. We create a smaller meal with a few of our favorite dishes that are just as satisfying. We also forgo the turkey because it is just too much for a family of four. We indulge in a roasted chicken and or leg of lamb. Focus on Quality Time . Use this opportunity to connect with your small family. Share stories, play games, or just relax together. Get members to contribute to the celebration, especially children, so they feel like they are part of it. My daughters love baking, so they will be on cake duty. Create a Cozy Atmosphere . Decorate your home with festive touches, light some candles, and play soft music to create a warm and inviting ambiance. Continue to make home a safe space where everyone feels that they are a priority . This year my daughter wants to play a piece on her violin which I can't wait to hear. Thanksgiving Alone Treat Yourself  . Indulge in your favorite foods, watch a movie , or read a good book . Enjoy the fact that you are not in a situation of forced interactions with people you may not want to be around. Whether it wasn't by choice that you're celebrating alone, use this time to enjoy your own company. You are your own best friend . Volunteer . Give back to your community by volunteering at a local shelter or food bank. Whatever way you choose to offer your time, this is a great opportunity to redirect your focus to helping others. This allows you to feel part of a community while doing an act of service that is rewarding . Connect with Others . Arrange phone calls or video chats with friends and family. Though you may not be in the same space, city, or even country as your loved ones, you can connect with them by other means. Family is where the love is present, so keep cultivating these relationships even though you're far away. Practice Gratitude . Take time to reflect on the things you're grateful for, such as your loved ones, your health, and even your personal growth. Know that you are here with purpose, so even though you may not be surrounded with the kind of love you deserve, you are grateful to be here to celebrate, even if it is on your own. Happy Thanksgiving and have a wonderful time. (Photo credit: Family Photo/Adobe Stock and Woman eating City Signal )

I recently saw a video online where a woman recorded her big reveal of a shaved head to her partner, as he came home from work. He was absolutely in love with it, while she critiqued her head for having bumps. You can see the love in his eyes for this woman, and it truly made my heart smile. About two weeks ago, I shaved my head. This is a common thing for me, because I honestly do not enjoy hair at all—and the loss isn’t great, because my hair has never grown past my shoulders. More than the factor of length, I think I look absolutely beautiful with a shaved head, something that not everyone can pull off. It shows my face and I feel absolutely confident walking around and owning my unconventional beauty. I’ve been shaving my head very often for over ten years, and in all that time my ex-husband/current partner—a story for another day has never made a negative comment about about my decision. He’d go to work with me having hair and return to me with no hair, and every time he said I looked beautiful, which I appreciate, but never really needed. He’d also rub my head for good measure which I loved. From the time we started dating, I established the ground rule that I do not need his advice or approval on what I wear, or how I keep my hair. He always appreciated my sense of style and abided by my rule. My high school principal Sister Claire said something that has stuck with me my entire life. You are ambassadors for yourselves. My mother was also the enforcer of that belief, because she encouraged me to look my best once I stepped out of my home. I was intentional about stating this, because I have read or heard one too many stories of women who decided to go for a slightly shorter haircut, only to have a partner lose his heavenly mind. It’s almost as if they forget that this is an adult who is capable of making decisions of their own and that their preference is not the deciding factor. It was honestly scary to know that people walk around prioritizing aspects of a human being instead of the whole person in front of them. You would rather destroy your partner’s self-esteem than realize they can grow four or five inches of hair back. I also beg to ask, “What if she got cancer and had to go through chemo?” One may be quick to rebut, “ That’s different. That wasn’t her choice , “ but I beg to differ. As a matter of fact, I think it gives you foresight into what many oncologists brace women for: your husband may leave you in the middle of a major health crisis . Isn’t that a shame?! At that point, it has gone beyond the hair, but the content of character. To abandon your partner in a moment of crisis, whether it be that you no longer find them attractive or that you feel the responsibility has become too great, is disgraceful. If a partner cannot willingly embrace your choice to perform a single act like shaving your head when you’re able to grow it back, what makes you think he will accept it or even find it attractive when you can’t? I am saying this for women who have body autonomy, because people embrace different belief systems that they allow to dictate how they move in this world. If you have religious constraints that prioritize your husband's feelings, or you simply like to uphold your partner's preference, this message isn't for you. I am talking to the women who move through this world with a sense of who they are and are not guided by what others think of them. The women who do what makes them happy, while also existing in loving and healthy relationships. As we say, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. What one person may find unattractive may be the most attractive thing to another. Are they wrong? No. But a woman should always own and listen to her inner voice in a way that empowers her sense of self. As she does that, without input from outside voices, those around her will not only see her vision but appreciate and love her ability to march to the beat of her drum.

We are coming to the end of the year and this is the time that we start reflecting on accomplishments and mistakes from the past year. It is also where we should start assessing our friendships to make changes for the new year. One of the most important reasons for this process is to examine how our relationships are impacting our lives. Friendships are a source of comfort and companionship—whether it’s for a season, a reason, or a lifetime. The quality of your friendships also directly impacts your emotional, mental, and physical health. So, how healthy are your friendships? I am currently watching Girlfriends , and I am on the episodes where Joan has to go to therapy. The relationship with her best friend Toni hit a hurdle, because Joan accidentally told Toni's boyfriend that she is having an affair. Toni ended that affair and was on her way to tell her boyfriend Greg how much she loved him. Armed with that information from Joan, Greg broke up with Toni who was devastated. Joan was terrified to reveal to Toni that she was partly responsible for the breakup, but when she finally did, Toni slapped her and nearly lost her mind. Well, Miss Toni made a lame and unsuccessful attempt to give Joan the impression that she slept with her boyfriend, to get back at Joan. Maya tells her she belongs with Satan of course and Joan decides to forgive Toni by pretending nothing happened. Well, something did happen and Joan was having a very physical reaction to the betrayal by her best friend. She was starting to shed like a dog. In therapy, Joan began to realize how much of a pushover and an enabler she is to her friend Toni’s behavior. She realized that not addressing the issues only put her at a disadvantage, because Toni was quite fine moving on with her life while she was left with clumps of hair in her hands to show for it. Something needed to change, and it was her. You do not need to have a friend as extreme as Toni to assess the health of your friendships. It is usually the small infractions we overlook that grow into something big. It can also be situations outside of the friendship that can contribute to the fracture and eventual breakdown. I once had my friendship break up with one of my very best friends years ago. We had almost all the traits of a great friendship: respect, trust, dependability, emotional vulnerability and we were growth-oriented. But, we lacked one very necessary trait. We weren't the best at conflict resolution, because we never had any conflict until a very minor situation arose. Unfortunately this time, rather than address a small issue, we completely stopped talking to each other for several years. As I look back, and we both agree, it was beyond ridiculous. I was having a rather difficult time with an ex-boyfriend at the time and in a mental space where I just wanted to isolate. I also felt I wasn't being heard in that relationship. I was tired and fed up, and rather than talking about it, I internalized everything. So it took one extremely minor situation with my best friend to make me shut down. I do not enjoy confrontation, so rather than have the necessary talk, we both stubbornly disappeared. Thankfully, we were able to reconnect with each other and I have promised myself to never let that happen again. This was one of those situations where fighting would have been worth it. As you examine your friendships, ask yourself, "Am I doing the work to make my friendships healthy?" Also, "Are my friends displaying the qualities that I look for in a genuine friendship?" Maintaining healthy friendships is always worth it, because we can be our most authentic selves when our friendships feel like a safe place. Having friends who feel at home is the gift that everyone deserves. I believe that the people who are meant to be in our lives all serve a purpose, so nurture the relationships that bring us joy from a place of love, kindness, respect, and care. We all deserve it. (Photo of the cast of Girlfriends: From the left Antoinette 'Toni' Childs, May Wilkins, Joan Clayton and Lynn Searcy/ Glamour )

Last night, I laughed so much, that I almost peed on my neighbor's couch—I blame my weak bladder after having two children back to back. Thankfully, I didn’t and was able to preserve my dignity and his couch. I have been in upstate New York for almost a year and a half and this is the first time that I have sat across from someone who isn’t my life partner or family. It felt refreshing to say the least, because my neighbor is hilarious. We share an age gap of a little over two decades, but we were laughing like two high school kids with the intellectual capacity and life experience of people over forty, and I loved every moment of it. We got together briefly at our other new neighbor who moved in across the hall from me. I picked up ice cream cups and cupcakes that were left over from a party he and his wife hosted. They were absolutely delightful, unlike the previous tenants whose dogs nearly chomped my face off as I exited the elevator. *** So let’s backtrack. In fall 2023, I was heading to the first day of my new job. When the elevator got to the first floor and the doors opened, two giant pit bulls lunged at me. I was terrified and upset, but I maintained my composure to not spook off the dogs even further. I watched as the previous tenant yanked her dogs back by throwing the full force of her body backward. This was the only way she able to stop the dogs from attacking me. While all this is happening, she says to me, “You’re fine, they won’t bite,” indicating that I should exit the elevator. I did not move a muscle and stayed in the elevator until she cleared my path. I think I became even more irritated by her words, because I couldn’t believe that someone whose dogs almost bit my face just minimized what was happening. I had never experienced anything like this, so her response was devastating, even as I recall this incident a year later. The adrenaline rush of it being my first day at a new job did not allow me to fully grasp what happened that morning. It wasn’t until I returned home that the shock sank in. I realized I was a foot away from possibly being in the intensive care unit. I began typing. I wrote an email to the property management office and informed them of the incident. Unbeknownst to me, there were already several complaints against those tenants. My neighbors to the left informed me of a meeting with building management that I was unable to attend, with several other tenants on our floor. Let’s just say, the irresponsible dog owners are thankfully no longer here and I didn't have to lift a finger. Now, the entire floor is quiet. *** I first met my dear neighbor who had me in stitches last night when he was having trouble with his fob to enter the building. It turned out it wasn’t his fob, but the door since mine also didn’t work. He asked, “ What apartment do you live in? ” A man asking me what apartment I lived in was not going to receive a response. I mentally side-eyed him with all my, “ Who you talkin' to? ” energy bubbling in me. It's so hilarious saying it out loud. It took a bit more talking with him to realize that I had seen him around before, though we hadn’t been formally introduced. I finally told him and realized he was a door down from me. We said our goodbyes and went to live our lives. *** About a few weeks later, we exchanged numbers. He gave off such good vibes from that first interaction that I wanted to get to know him more. I learned he lived in NYC for quite a long time. We have the same vibe of being circumspect when it comes to new people in our lives. Then a couple of weeks ago, during a conversation in our hallway, I threw caution to the wind and decided to ask if he wanted to get together for some wine and conversation. I was proud of myself for doing that, because I was convinced I would leave this residence without saying more than "Hi" to anyone who lived there. He took hold of my olive branch in the most sincere way and there we were last night having an over one hour long conversation. We are just two city souls looking to connect. He is a riot. We have a similar sense of humor and we understand each other. I appreciate and value this so much, because I am making friends of my own —not mom friends who I gathered so many of while living in the city. What a wonderful opportunity it was to sit and kiki with my neighbor. We got along like old friends catching up in the most organic way. There is so much to appreciate with this growing friendship especially being in a new city and having to start over again. I am realizing that the increasing distance between neighbors here in upstate New York requires me to be more intentional with creating new friendships and building community —unlike New York City . Armed with a new level of boldness, I am happy that I am getting a bit more comfortable with asking for a coffee meet-up or a lunch date after feeling comfortable with a person. I don't want my only friends to be the trees I hug on my hikes so I am excited to have more days like this. (Photograph of yellow roses symbolizing friendship)

Beyoncé. I say her name and it either evokes immense admiration, hate, or indifference in you. Wherever you fall on that spectrum, you can't ignore her name. With over twenty years in the music industry, she has managed to remain visible and at the tip of the tongues of so many people. But outside of her accolades, when I think of Beyoncé, the words private and fiercely protective are prominent. Ironically, it is these very qualities that make people perceive her as 'closed off.' With a reputation for being one of the most private individuals in the music industry, there is so much that everyday people can learn from Beyoncé's fierce protection of her privacy. What is also most admirable, is the people who helped create this wall of protection for her from a very early stage in her career. In the Harper Bazaar's September 2021 Icon issue , Beyoncé was asked, " How do you process the changing world of celebrity culture and protect your inner self? " She responded rightfully so with: In this business, so much of your life does not belong to you unless you fight for it. I’ve fought to protect my sanity and my privacy because the quality of my life depended on it. A lot of who I am is reserved for the people I love and trust. There is not one day on the internet that people aren’t out there defaming her character. As little as she gives the public, living such a visible life makes her low-hanging fruit and an easy target " for internet therapists, comment critics, and experts with no expertise ." It is amazing how people who have no access to the lives of others can have so much to say without evidence. All they need is a wild imagination, a microphone and a gullible audience. You do not need to be Beyoncé to know what that feeling is like. Whether you live in a small town or a big city, we've all encountered some degree of the psychological abuse of gossip. I know I have. As the lives of everyday people are being showcased more via social media, this is the time for us to think more about how we protect our privacy and our sanity. Every post runs the risk of unknowingly going viral in a positive or negative way with no ability to control the narrative. The level of intense scrutiny that can come your way will not be on the epic level of Beyoncé, but it can pose immense challenges, especially for people who do not have a public persona or a team to help control what happens. Your life may not have a lot in common with a billionaire performer and you may not sympathize much with her, but this is the perfect time to examine who you are as a person and how you would like to be treated by others you don’t know. At the very least, on a very human level, we should all have the right to privacy and the ability to maintain our sanity . For those of us who think that she needs to just toughen up or give us as much access to her life as possible, I want you to ask yourself, "Would you allow yourself to be open around people when so many wish for your demise with no valid reason?" and "Would you protect yourself and the people you love from such individuals?" More than likely, your answer would undoubtedly be "No” and “Yes” respectively. I have been a fan of Beyoncé's artistry for her entire career. I do not consider myself to be part of the BeyHive—a large following of extremely loyal fans who will banish anyone into obscurity who goes against their Queen Bee—but I do empathize with her. I cannot begin to understand what it feels like to exist in her world, but I absolutely understand her strong desire to maintain privacy, because as she stated, the quality of her life depends on it . The behavior of so many of her haters can be likened to that of stalkers, although I'm sure, many would not consider themselves that. They are the obsessed characters who go out of their way to make their unwanted presence known. Following someone on social media only to disparage their name and character is abnormal , but the sad part is that there are too many people who believe that this should be expected and accepted by celebrities. From being accused of being part of the unusually enlightened and many other allegations. It is no wonder she leads such a private life! All she has to do is exist, breathe and be, and that upsets so many people on this planet. When so much unwarranted hate and vitriol is directed at you, you go into fight-or-flight . She has chosen to fight back in the most healthy way possible. Beyoncé has given us all a masterclass on how to deal with detractors and haters in our lives. Existing and being in this world takes so much courage. Whether we're talking about Beyoncé or yourself, we all have to protect our sanity and peace. Of all the wild accusations I have heard thrown at Beyoncé, she does not take a moment out of her life to address anyone by confirming or denying anything. The level of unbothered that she displays is epic and highly commendable. I have a simple philosophy: watch how people talk about celebrities, because it will tell you a lot about their character. And by that I mean, listen intently to how people around you talk about someone they do not know personally. Listen to the assumptions they make. If they will do that to someone they do not know personally, what do you think they will do to you? Having also been accused of being closed off at some point or another in my life, I can relate to wanting to keep some people at bay, even when it includes family, who do not add any significant value to my life. It is human instinct to activate self-preservation. Keeping parts of you for the ones you love is how we should all go when faced with relational adversity, because I will know I will lose everyone before I lose my mind. (Photo by Susan Walsh/Associated Press)