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If there’s sand and a shore line, it’s a beach. On the way there, the girls were extremely excited about heading to the lake. I told them that we were heading to Million Dollar Beach and they were massively confused, especially my seven year old—understandably so. A lake being referred to as a beach required some explanation I guess I did a good job, because everyone understood. Part of my conclusion was, “If there’s sand and a shore line, it’s a beach.” As we emerged from the towering trees, we came upon the most striking lake view that reminded me of Marigot Beach in my island home Saint Lucia . It was indeed a view I did not expect, and I was more than pleasantly surprised. My mother was gobsmacked. She ended up calling my stepdad for a video chat to show how beautiful the lake is. The girls were also eager to get in the water. A sweet couple offered their picnic table and bench that they were done using. He warned us about the aggressive seagulls that began surrounding us. We sat and tried having lunch, but the seagulls were quickly becoming a distraction. The girls were initially afraid, but with a few lessons on gently shooing and showing them that the birds were more intimidated by them, they got the hang of it. I was so smitten by the view, that I went in and out of noticing my children chasing seagulls. We enjoyed the stunning views and seeing the steam boat Lac du Saint Sacrement cruise line in the far distance. After taking a break from lunch, we enjoyed time in the water. About three hours later, we packed up and headed home. My daughters said this was one of the best days ever. This day definitely deserves a repeat.

This weekend is not starting off well. I have now gotten a cold from my kids, so we’re all sick. In addition, we have to go to my daughter’s friend’s birthday party. We don’t want to miss it at all, but it is looking like we may just have to stay home. It’s going to be a cold weekend, and all I want to do is drink a never ending supply of hot cocoa with a faux fur blanket while I watch Lifetime and Hallmark Christmas movies with my girls. I also want to make cupcakes and play board games; our version of a cozy weekend. What are your plans this weekend? (Photo from Samantha Gades)

My home is my sanctuary. For this reason, I like to maintain order in my space at home. Order gives me clarity, and with that comes a great degree of peacefulness and calm. By clearing up my physical space, I clear up my mental space. It helps me be more productive. I believe you can tell a lot about a person by the way they keep their hidden spaces aka, their closets, medicine cabinets et cetera. Ideally, I believe we all want to live in a clean and organized space, but there arises one of two problems. “It feels like there just isn’t enough time” The first problem is that you may be so busy working and trying to find some semblance of joy, it feels like there just isn’t enough time in day. Some days I get home from a long day and I just want to fall face first into my bed. After a long day at work, it can be hard to get the energy to do even some of the smallest tasks. Secondly, you may just not know how to organize and maintain order in your life. You may have just never been taught. In the age where it seems like just about every task can be outsourced, people who never learned to tidy up their spaces have even more an incentive not to learn. I am not here to recommend how you can organize your space in twenty four hours or a week, but rather how you can make small changes to how you currently do things and develop positive life-long habits. 1. Write everything down And I do mean everything. Visualization is the key, but also, you can’t depend on your memory to tell you what needs to be accomplished daily, so get a planner, a notebook, or calendar and write in what you would like to accomplish everyday. Saves you time and you accomplish more. I also enjoy going back to what tasks or goals I accomplished. 2. Snowball your cleaning Just like you would tackle debt by working your way from the smallest to the largest, the same can be applied here. I separate my task into two categories: daily household chores and weekly ones. Not only have you allowed yourself a slow build, you develop a routine. 3. Do a little everyday So everyday, you can commit to doing or maintaining the small tasks, and even reducing large ones to smaller manageable tasks. If you’re like me, I commit to the big ones on the weekend and do it all. To stay organized, you need to work at it consistently and continuously. 4. Delegate If you don’t live alone, get everyone else to pitch in. If you can stand balanced on your feet, you can help. If you’re a parent, get your little ones involved. Make it fun for sure. You’re not only executing tasks, but you teach them the value of teamwork and interdependence. Do it regular and you’ll have your own little helpers. You will create good habits. 5. Purge This is a very important process, because to maintain order, you need to have an “out with the old” mindset. Having too much stuff means more clutter. Keep only the things you need and a few wants, otherwise, you can trash, donate and/or sell the rest to help create that zen space. Purge at least every four to six months to reduce clutter. 6. Take stock of your accomplishments Don’t get so task driven that you can’t take a step back to see what you’ve accomplished. Seeing what you accomplished by changing your habits is an excellent motivator. Keep at it and you will develop a routine that you can maintain for a long time. It is not about the cleaning, but creating an atmosphere and a lifestyle of calm and clarity.

Happy Friday. We made it to the start of the weekend. As you go into me time   mode, I just want you to remember that you are one of a kind. You’re amazing, and that your gifts, talents and abilities add to that beautifully, flawed and perfect package that you are. Your actions not only impact you, but a lineage. Your healing can be your legacy. Hugs from Brooklyn. 🤎🤎🤎

It is New Year’s Eve and we are hours away from ringing in the new year. I feel like I am cautiously tiptoeing into it, because of all that has happened since March. Nonetheless, I want to take a moment to reflect on everything that 2020 taught me. This is a long post, so let’s dive in. 1. To be a little more open with the people around me, because I never know where help can come from I am not shy, but I am also not the most open person as it pertains to my life. It takes me a long time to trust people and for that reason, it takes me time to welcome them into my space. This year I’ve really had to challenge myself to be more open. The outpouring of love I have received from my mom friends has been amazing and I’m grateful for that. 2. I am a great friend and I honor and value my relationships This is year was a time of reconnecting. I had three friends from high school. Two of us lost touch for quite some time. I created a group chat and it has been a non stop circle of love, laughter and healing. I mean, the kinds of things we talk about in this group chat has no boundaries. We talk about eeeeeverythang, and I treasure that openness and honesty. We have matured so much and we are truly on a journey that I hope takes us into our sunset. I love these women. 3. I am so much stronger than I give myself credit for This year, I encountered so many mountains and had to make decisions that I did not think I would have to. I lost my cousin to COVID-19, and even more, I am realizing that the only person I can truly depend on is myself. Having encountered these loses, I am still going through the five stages of grief. Also, as someone who lives with a chronic illness, I live in frequent pain, where stress is a major contributing factor. The fact that I can wake up every day, grieve, heal, and be a great mom is amazing to me. 4. I need to make self care a high priority and it can be small acts I suck at self care. Putting my myself first is not my strength, but I have started making it more of a priority. I hope I can continue what I have started and really master carving time out for myself. It doesn’t have to be elaborate all the time, but can be something small and simple where you get time for you. 5. Healing is the best closure So often, we look outside ourselves for closure. We need someone to acknowledge and validate our feelings. Sometimes that isn’t always possible or realistic, so I am learning that the best kind of closure is healing these internal wounds. If you have the opportunity to voice your hurt, then by all means, however, I am going to keep doing the internal work. 6. I am a true homebody, so blame the introvert in me This pandemic has tested my limits, but one of the most amazing things I have been granted is the opportunity to work from home. That has been the ultimate wish. My wish came true, but under the wrong circumstances. Either way, I love being home and I do not miss the office one bit. 7. My life is not a productivity test Yes! It isn’t. It’s amazing how much focus we put on achievements and getting things done all the time that we can’t appreciate what is around us. I want to spend more time in the present and truly living. It’s not about all the activities for the day, but rather truly making the most out of every minute and filling it with joy. 8. It is okay to sit in my feelings and not implode I hate sitting with uncomfortable feelings. I feel like I am going to implode, and for that reason, I used to suppress and avoid it to avoid sitting in that hurt. I learned that it is okay to really acknowledge my feelings and honor them, get to the root of the problem and address it. If it requires some crying, I can do that. I just can’t avoid it. 9. My feelings don’t have to be mutually exclusive That is the beauty of being human. We are complex and complicated beings. A lion doesn’t question whether a zebra is a friend or dinner. He knows he/she is always dinner before the chase. Unlike a lion, it is possible as human to love someone but have no desire to be in their presence and that is okay. 10. I need to start being honest with my therapist So often, I feel I need to hide how I felt inside, to save face or not have uncomfortable conversations. I am also the first person to reach out to a therapist, yet sit in therapy and still act like I am okay. Like how is that possible? I am here to release and I’m still keeping things in. When I finally started to release, I felt better. I guess it was all in my own time. 11. I need to show myself more compassion I am someone with very high expectations of myself and I can put a lot of pressure on me. I am learning to cut myself some slack. Keep believing that I am worthy and enough, and that the child in me would not appreciate how I treat adult me. I need to just to acknowledge that I am only human. 12. I don’t always need to be in control all the time It’s fine to want to be organized and a planner like I am, but in these circumstances, it is okay to be flexible. It is great to have structure, but it is okay to loosen the reigns a little. kids will thank you for it. 13. I truly enjoy connecting with the people I love so a text does not cut it I know calling people seems like something of the past, but I love hearing the voices of those around me. You can lie to me in a text. You can’t lie to me over the phone. I’m a walking lie detector and very good at detecting the change in tone and pitch. It feels good hearing friends and family instead of through an impersonal text. 14. To protect the energy around myself and my children I always say, I will lose everyone before I lose my mind and I stand by that. Toxic people have a way of drawing the life out of anyone and in order to protect this limited resource, I will let go of unproductive relationships. Also, as the mother of a highly sensitive person and empath, I am even more aware it is my duty to also protect the energy around my children. 15. Letting go can be the opportunity for a new beginning So often, we think letting go of people marks the end, but it doesn’t have to be. It can be the beginning of something even better. Something where the individual is finally able to see me and hear me. What did you learn about yourself in 2020? Happy New Year!! 🎊🎈🎉

Earlier this year, I was required to do an impostor syndrome test and I scored extremely high, which isn't a good thing. I’ve been aware of these feelings, but the magnitude of it shocked me. Even worse is that I realized in addition to the general state of feeling like an impostor, I experience a more targeted kind of impostor syndrome. That specific area is in my mothering. I feel like a phony parent . Why, you may ask? There are many reasons, but before we get into that, let’s sort out what impostor syndrome is. The term was first coined by the clinical psychologists Pauline Clance and Suzanne Imes in the 1970s, and is defined as a pervasive feeling of self-doubt, insecurity and incompetence despite evidence that you are skilled and successful . People who exhibit this syndrome frequently feel like frauds, and that they will eventually be found out, even though they are highly competent. This is me overall, but it’s even worse in my parenting. I am a great mother. I know that. I am attentive, engaging, loving, nurturing, kind, thoughtful, empathetic and I allow my children to feel like they have a voice, but somehow, I always feel like I am not doing enough. I always have a sense that there is something that I am missing, or something I can do better. The times when I have raised my voice at my children out of frustration, I feel horrible, even though it doesn’t happen frequently. I used to commute daily with my children on the subway and random strangers who I had no idea were watching would come up to compliment me on my parenting, in situations where most parents would have lost their shit. My neighbors frequently compliment me on how involved and active I am as a parent. They see me daily with my children and admire my commitment to being what they see as a great parent. I know it, but for some reason, I judge myself harshly in small mistakes and still feel like a fraud. I was a nanny for many years so I am more than capable and competent when it comes to being with children. I was prepared for this, but when it comes to my own, I feel someone may figure that I don’t know what the hell I am doing. But then again, what parent knows what they’re doing all the time? Unfortunately, I have to acknowledge that I have a slightly warped sense of parenting. I feel like I need to remain calm in all situations like some stepford wife . Yelling for me feels out of control and uncomfortable, and for that reason I have placed an enormous amount of pressure on myself to maintain an impossible amount of control. It hasn’t been productive. Ironically a few months ago, someone used the stepford wife analogy to describe me and I took some offense to it. Even though I said nothing in response to that, there was some truth to it. That I have to admit, even though I think the comparison is a bit extreme. I am slowly learning to combat these feelings, by being honest about the severity of my impostor syndrome and how it makes me feel as a parent. I have an amazing sister circle who listen and encourage, and also my therapist who reminds me of how much I do and to show myself compassion . I am learning to stave off self-doubt by trusting my decisions , because I do not take being a parent lightly. I bring the right attitude into my parenting and I am always willing to learn. I remind myself that tomorrow is an opportunity to do better and hopefully not repeat the mistakes of the days past. I am also working on knowing my value as a mother. I am learning to believe that I am enough . My children tell me so much how much they love me daily. They smother me with kisses and hugs daily. I see genuine happiness in them and I know that it is my display of love to them that shows them how to love me. I know that in the early part of the pandemic, these feelings were at an all time high for me. I have found that starting everyday with the words, “ Today is a great day and I am a great mother ,” have helped me believe in my heart that I am an amazing mother. If you struggle with parental impostor syndrome, I say to you, you are an amazing parent. If you still can’t shake off the feeling, seek out a therapist. You are enough.

What are your plans for the holidays? I plan on spending the morning making Christmas themed pancakes after the girls open their gifts, cook an amazing dinner and really enjoy my family. Since my mom can’t make it this year, we are having a FaceTime call when the girls are opening their presents. We’re keeping grandma safe, so that’s the most interaction that we’re getting for that day. For the first time, I’m attempting a Trinidadian corn pie . Corn pie made right is insanely delicious, and I plan on enjoying every single bite. I am also trying to catch up on a reread of the book Ms.Typed by Michelle Callahan and take my self care to the next level. I hope the holidays are as beautiful as you imagined.