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As the temperature dips, the hot tea and cocoa will be in heavy rotation at my house. This week I have been recovering from a stiff neck, partially caused by my girls jumping into bed with me and throw my body into the weirdest, uncomfortable positions. Welcome to sharing your bed with your kids. It’s the worst no matter how much you love them. Last night I had a mini pandemic meltdown that I shared with my Instagram followers. I needed to sulk for a moment, because I am hitting the pandemic wall. I’m an introverted homebody, but we’ve been at this for almost a year. I don’t see us getting back to normal anytime soon. If you read anything this weekend, please read anything from Banter Republic . If I need a pick me up, a laugh or something thought provoking, he comes through with all of it. Don’t Stop is the latest post and once you start there, you won’t be able to stop. You will want more. I also finally ordered my daughter that Elsa costume she has been asking for. I totally forgot to order it and pretended it may have been lost in the mail. Welcome to parenthood. And as for the conversation about smooth hair like Elsa, we shut that down. You’re a beautiful, curly haired Elsa. Elsa doesn’t have to look one way. I am still reading The Body Is Not An Apology: The Power of Radical Self-Love by Sonya Reese Taylor. I hope to finish it very soon. Be sure to read Big Girls Need a Cry , and for some healing affirmations, dive into 10 Quotes to Honor Your Healing . It’s been a proper freezing day, and the weekend will be the same, so stay warm. What are your weekend plans?

It’s the first day of February and a nor’easter has made landfall in NYC. The city is a blanket of snow. Heavy snow and strong winds set the stage for weather that is perfect for staying indoor even more than we already are, and warm up, until the winds subside. To stave off boredom in any snowstorm, here is a list of things you can do. 1. Make some comfort food. Anything that takes you back to your childhood is a great option. Whether it’s a family recipe passed down for generations or one of your own creations, just make it happen in the kitchen. Your stomach will thank you. 2. Play some of your favorite board games. Get a game you have not played in forever and get your mojo back. It’s the perfect day. 3. Make homemade popcorn while enjoying a movie marathon. Whether you’re into romantic comedies (romcom), comedy, action, etc., hunker down and enjoy at least two movies. 4. Have a dance party with your favorite tunes. Grab your partner and/or your kids and liven up the spirit. A snow day is a fun day. Move those hips and get a great workout from it. Make it pajama or robe day. You can’t beat comfy clothes. 5. Perform some karaoke music. I think everyone likes karaoke. That’s my biased opinion. Have everyone pick a song or two starting from the youngest to the oldest or the opposite and see who can belt out their favorite tunes. 6. Read a book. I mean an actual book. Not an ebook. This a great opportunity for some quiet time. Everyone needs to grab a book and get to reading. 7. Take a nice long nap. If you’ve been losing out on sleep, what a great time to catch up if you’re not working. A power nap does wonders, but a nice long nap is heavenly. 8. Make some baked goods. Cookies, banana bread, cupcakes, bread, or anything you can think of. If you’re not a baker, try your hand at baking. Baking is science you can eat. There will always be a great reward at the end. 9. Start a hobby. YouTube is a great resource. You might be an expert by the end of the day. The plethora of things that you can learn is endless, so get to “YouTubing.” You might be a graduate of you tube university very soon. 10. Work on a vision board. Manifestations the life you envision. Seeing your goals and aspirations in front of you have a way of advancing them if you’re really focused on that. Plus it’s fun creating a collage or writing down your dreams, especially the ones that scare you. 11. Make hot cocoa or indulge in some coffee. Put your barista skills to work or just make something to keep your insides warm. 12. Have some intimate time. Cuddle, snuggle, or have sex. However you chose to convey your love to your partner if they happen to be home, enjoy it. 13. Drink some wine. Open a bottle of some good wine. Considering we’ve been confined to our homes, what better place to take a couple sips. 14. Call friends or family. No texting. Like a real conversation where you hear their voices. It’s just good to check on the people you love at this time. They can lie through texts, but their voices can give a truer picture. 15. Throw something in the slow cooker . and engage in another activity. Why waste time slaving over a stove if cooking is not your thing? Make a great soup with little effort. Done and done. 16. Invite a neighbor over for coffee or cocoa. If you have a great neighbor, invite him/her/them over and have some great conversation over a piping hot cup of something. It might turn out into something beautiful. 17. Delete the unnecessary photos in your phone for more space. Who has ever gone to take a photo and gotten the message of no more storage? I know I have. Why not clear that up and back up with a cloud service or flash drive, and capture more memories. 18. When the wind subsides, go sledding. Take the kids out sledding if you have any. If it’s just you, a partner or friends, still get out there. It’s so much fun to be a kid again. 19. Join a social group online . Meet people who share common interests. Maybe you’re missing human interaction or you want to learn a new skill. What better way than to interact with people who motivate you. 20. Create a home spa. Yes and yes to this. Take a nice long bath. Allow your body just release all the stress of the new year and really cleanse yourself of it. Add some candles or grab a good book. Just get in there and relax. I hope you make best of every snow day and welcome to a new month.

Weekends are for baking in my house and one thing I always have an excess of, is ripe bananas. Once they get to overripe, it’s banana bread time and we all love banana bread in our house. This is one baked good that never goes to waste. We make them into muffins or a full loaf. This is the only recipe I use when making banana bread. I got this banana bread recipe from Allrecipes.com and I make occasional tweaks which I will include. Banana Bread Recipe You’ll need: 2 cups all purpose flour 1 teaspoon baking soda 1/4 teaspoon salt 1/2 cup butter 3/4 cup brown sugar 2 eggs beaten 2 1/3 cups mashed overripe bananas 1/3 cup rolled oats (optional) Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Lightly grease a 9×5 inch loaf pan . In a large bowl , combine flour, baking soda and salt. In a separate bowl, cream together butter and brown sugar. Stir in eggs and mashed bananas until well blended. Stir banana mixture into flour mixture; stir just to moisten. Pour batter into prepared loaf pan. Top with rolled oats. For a loaf bake in preheated oven for 60 to 65 minutes, until a toothpick inserted into center of the loaf comes out clean. Let bread cool in pan for 10 minutes, then turn out onto a wire rack . For muffins, the batter can make 12 to 16 muffins. Bake for 25 to 30 minutes. Enjoy. Photo by Natalie/ Super Healthy Kids

I fell into the abyss of Instagram on one tragic night and I came across an illustration that made me feel so visible. It depicted a struggle that I have been working on for several months. Not only did it describe what I had been doing for several years now, but there is an actual word for it. It’s called revenge bedtime procrastination . It sounds so unfortunate with revenge in there, but it is really the most liberating feeling when it is happening even though there are so many downsides to this behavior. Revenge bedtime procrastination also known as retaliatory staying up late is described by journalist Daphne K. Lee as the phenomenon where “ people who don’t have much control over their daytime life refuse to sleep early in order to regain some sense of freedom during late-night hours .” It is an attempt by individuals to feel some semblance of control of their time. Before the pandemic, I would be up by 5a.m. getting two children and myself ready for work and school and out the door by 7a.m. We’d get the train to Manhattan, where I would drop them off and either walk to class close by or take another train back to Brooklyn, depending on the schedule that day. Every day I was working and in class, so I was on the train at least three times before heading to pick up my children, and then back home to Brooklyn. I get home and it’s dinner, baths, dishes, lunch preparation and homework. And I still had to be someone’s wife. There was no time to breathe. Regardless of my strenuous schedule, I still found time to engage in revenge bedtime procrastination, even though it meant I was losing sleep. I hardly ever made it to bed before 12a.m, and I had to be up by 5a.m. I craved that time to myself at the end of a long day, especially when I felt like I had been driven like a mule. Revenge bedtime procrastination can easily go for thirty minutes, to an hour, two hours, and pretty soon, sleep begins to feel like it no longer matters. It can quickly get out of control to the point that this becomes a practice several nights a week. It eventually becomes draining. It leaves your mind and body depleted, but there is still always that desire to escape. This really fuels the behavior, even though you know it is detrimental. The need for control and freedom surpasses the need for sleep . It feels like every part of your day belongs to everyone else, but you. So at night, you take back the control that you have freely given to everyone else. It feels almost euphoric in the moment. But then comes the massive downside; you’re losing sleep and if that continues, your health suffers. Revenge bedtime procrastination feels good in the moment, but engaging in the behavior only harms you. If itcontinues long-term, there are truly detrimental effects on a person’s physical and mental wellness. The Phillips Global Sleep Study “ showed that 62% of adults worldwide feel they don’t get enough sleep, averaging 6.8 hours on a weeknight compared to the recommended amount of eight hours. ” Lack of sleep is truly a global crisis” and long-term sleep deprivation is harmful in every way. For this reason, long term sleep deprivation is a pathway to poor health. As liberating as it feels to just grab some time to yourself, it is important to manage the amount of time spent engaging in whatever activity brings you comfort and gives you that control. The saying I’ll sleep when I die is indeed the most toxic belief that one can exercise, because in actuality, not sleeping can lead to an earlier death. That is truly the travesty of uncontrolled revenge bedtime procrastination. Today, declare that you are prepared to make changes for better sleep hygiene. Treat your body and mind like the temples that they are for a longer and more fulfilling life. How is revenge bedtime procrastination impacting you? Photo of graphic illustration by Erica Lewis/Instagram with explicit permission to use illustration

Well, I have tried my utmost best to shut that moment in time out of my mind to the point that I have forgotten the year. It may have been 2006 or 2007. My best friend and I stopped speaking to each other and it broke my heart. We were supposed to meet a classmate for dinner in Tribeca, NYC. We made arrangements to meet at an Indian restaurant opposite the Whole Foods on Greenwich Street. I tried my hardest to give the most detailed directions to get there. It proved to be very hard at the time for her, so she never made it to dinner. The phone call requesting for further directions was the last one we would have for another few years. You may be reading this and thinking. What?! What happened?! In all honesty nothing other than what I said to you. We were great friends. We have been friends from twelve years old; share birthdays a day apart, we talked about any and everything, we never argued, we anticipated each other’s thought, we were always thoughtful and respectful to each other. We showed each other kindness and concern, and this happened. I refused to call her and she did the same. I have to admit that I was going through a rough time in my then relationship. I was dating someone who wasn’t considerate of my feelings. I was getting tired. I was at a place where I felt I was trying to meet everyone half way and no one was making the effort for me. All of this had nothing to do with her. Not a single thing. All it would have required was a phone call, but instead it became a rift that lasted for years, because we were both too stubborn to reach out. As the years passed, I thought about the birthdays I missed and what she was doing. Was she dating someone new? Is she married? I hope everything is well with her family. I hope she is doing great. I never forgot my best friend even though it felt like we completely ghosted each other. I was supposed to be the godmother to her children and her to mine. I didn’t think we would ever get back into each other’s lives. Then one day, I opened up my messenger inbox and saw a message from her. My heart skipped a beat. I missed her so much and I was happy to see that she had thought of me over the years that we did not speak. We agreed to just put that rather tragic day aside and meet up with each other. It was a hot summer day when we decided to call a truce. She was wearing a boldly printed skirt and her hair was in a huge Afro. I can’t remember what I was wearing. We walked to each other and just hugged. We did not skip a beat. We talk like we had never lost that time. There was no anger or animosity, because the circumstances under which we stopped talking wasn’t major. There was no need to discuss anything, but rather make up for lost time. All I knew in that moment was I would never let this happen again. I felt silly that I had participated in letting this trivial incident cause us to lose so much time with each other. Nonetheless, it worked out fine. Two days ago, I sat in therapy, and came to a sad realization. As honest as I am in my friendships and relationships, I do not like confrontations. I would prefer to lose a friendship than have an extremely uncomfortable conversation where I am trying to convince someone to see things from my perspective, or to understand my thought process. It is deathly uncomfortable for me to the point that I would prefer to stay silent than speak up. This is why I lost my friendship. It wasn’t because of the misunderstanding, but rather that I refused to address a small problem. She was worth the argument, but at the time, I chose to disengage in a way that hurt us both. Aren’t I glad for the gift of time and healing?! The ability to reconnect and rebuild. I am so happy that I did not lose my best friend forever. We’re in such a great place as we have been for the last couple of years. What I do know is I will never let that happen again. I am older and wiser. I will confront the issue, have the uncomfortable conversation and move past it. Have you ever experienced a friendship break up?

There seems to be a common thread in this pandemic, and it has a lot to do with the quality of sleep that people have been getting. It seems like so many people on social media platforms have been complaining about their sleep hygiene being trash throughout the pandemic. It seems worse among mothers or primary caretakers single or married. I’m right there with you. Even worse is that I have been struggling with sleep since before the pandemic. It was 11:28 p.m yesterday when I finally got a moment to pause. It is a little more frequent than I would like to admit. Some days, bedtime goes on for longer than planned, and given that I share a 450 square foot apartment with two children, I make sure to tidy up the apartment every night, while the girls sleep. It is so easy for things to pile up, that I make sure I do a little every day, especially folding the never ending laundry situation. It makes me want to cry some days. This week started with me being in a little bit of a rut. It’s been a roller coaster of emotions, but somehow, I have always been the person who can push through even in the midst of a difficult time. I sat down on my yoga mat, crossed my legs and turned on my Goodful Meditation . I needed everything to stop. I needed my mind to pause for a few minutes so I did a 10 minute guided meditation for sleep. This is a difficult time for everyone, but it is especially hard on parents. We’re about to hit the one year mark, and I am so grateful I am making it through, nonetheless, this pandemic has truly been the ultimate test of mental health for so many people. I laid on the floor, uncurled my eyebrows, unclenched my jaw, and relaxed my shoulders in an attempt to release the stress of the days, weeks, and the past year, just so that I can make it to bed. Here are three things that are helping me achieve better sleep. 1. Stretching 2. Guided sleep meditation 3. Sleep manifestation and affirmations

When it comes to organization I have a simple mantra: No clutter in my home. No clutter in my heart. No clutter in my mind. No clutter in my spirit. I have found that you can tell a lot about a person by how they keep their closets; how they’re feeling and even what they think of themselves. A qdisorganized home doesn’t have to be a permanent thing, nor is it a quick fix. It takes some dedication to a process. Here are some things that can get in the way. 1. You impulse buy without having a home for things This is such a big issue for so many people. Recently, I walked by a building on garbage day and saw so many Amazon boxes that just made me go “Wow.” First it was the number of boxes and secondly, I wondered how many of these deliveries were necessities and how many impulse buys. In a society here rabid consumerism is flaunted as something that we should all aspire to, people forget how little we need to live comfortably. That is relative to each person, but it is also important to question, how much does a person really need to be happy. Ask yourself before a purchase, “Do I really need this item, and will it have a home?” “Does it add or take away from the vision I have for the space?” You don’t bring a baby home without having space for it, so apply that thought process when it comes to new purchases. 2. You don’t have a vision of what you want your space to look like Before getting to the organizing and decluttering of your home, it is really important to have a vision for your space. There has to be an end goal in terms of what you hope to achieve. Your vision has to be clear and realistic. It is therefore important that you hone in on your likes, dislikes and what inspires you in your home. Whether you’re a minimalist or a maximalist, everyone wants a home that is free of clutter. With that in mind, assess the clutter hotspots in your home. Whether it’s the kitchen, your bedroom, entryway, or bathroom, find out why things accumulate in that area, and try to work on a solution that is suitable for the space. Make purchases within your budget to help make the space more functional. 3. You attach emotion to almost everything There are things in your home that genuinely hold significant meaning and value, but there are those that you think you just have to keep. Learning to distinguish between the things that give true joy, and things you just want to keep makes a world of difference. Whether it past trauma or difficulty letting go of things, this behavior can be problematic for your living space and other household members. Everything with sentimental value does not have to be kept. I once read about a young woman who said she kept a balloon that was gifted to her, because it meant so much to her. She was in foster care and she moved from home to home, so she held onto everything that showed someone cared. It would make sense why even the smallest things meant so much, given her life experience. She eventually learned that not everything needs to be held onto. You have to let go of some old things to make room for the new ones. You can still have the memories. 4. You have unrealistic expectations Where do I begin with this one. As an organized person, I cannot begin to tell you how often I have fallen victim to this. Let’s use laundry for instance. I used to want all the laundry folded properly, organized by long-sleeved shirts, short-sleeved shirts, long sleeved pants and so on. In the closet I organize by color, sleeve length, pant leg and season. Who has time to maintain this with the never ending amounts of laundry? It became exhausting and drain, especially since I was the only one doing all the washing and folding, along with one million and one other responsibilities. It was unrealistic. When setting household goals, you have to be sure that they are attainable and it can be maintained long term. That’s what makes it realistic. 5. You don’t commit You have a vision, you’ve created a plan, you’ve sought out help from family members or a professional and you still can’t follow through. For change to happen, you need to commit to it. Not doing the homework assigned by a professional only makes it difficult to even start and possibly maintain the process. You need to follow through. Put one foot in front the other and start the process. What habits do you have that prevent you from having an organized space?

Having skin where I don’t need to wear makeup was the ultimate dream since I was twelve. I have dealt with acne from my teen years and as a woman in her thirties, I am tackling skin care on two fronts—acne and aging. Over the years, I have developed confidence in my beauty, and it has been great finding products that work on the exterior, while I work internally. These are the products that have done wonders for me without breaking the bank. Daytime regimen Cleansers   For someone like myself who has been dealing with acne since I was twelve years old, I have been through a lot of skin care products. With that said, I still can't decide which of these washes are the best, so I use them all. I alternate, depending on what my skin needs that day or week, and how much hydration that my skin needs. They all provide the right amount of hydration. All three of these products are excellent. Tip: When washing, I alternate between use of my hands, or a washcloth. I know there are lots of products on the market for applying cleanser, but I go with using a cotton washcloth in a gentle circular motion. Rinse and dry in between use. Toner You can't beat Trader Joe's Rose Water Facial . This toner is great on cost and it gets the job done. It contains real Damask rose water and Damask rose oil (to bedew and moisturize), witch hazel (to balance and tone), and a bit of Quillaja saponaria (soapbark) extract (to soften and condition) . I love this product. Serums   Hyaluronic acid and vitamin C complement each other, because they protect, hydrate and help in repairing aging skin. The Ordinary Hyaluronic Acid 2% and Sephora Collection: Ultra Glow Serum together help my skin look more supple and more youthful. The results are astounding and show change within days of use. Niamicide can be called the liquid gold of skin care. It is a water based vitamin and mineral that has a brightening effect. The Odinary Niamicide 10% + Zinc 1% is an excellent product. It conflicts with vitamin C, so on the days you use niamicide, ditch the vitamin C and just use hyaluronic acid. Moisturizer For UV protection and a great primer for makeup, I turn to The Ordinary: Mineral UV Filters SPF 30 . It does the job of protecting my acne prone skin while providing my skin with amazing antioxidants. Nighttime   For nightime, I follow my cleanse and toner routine above and add The Ordinary Granactive Retinoid 2% Emulsion or in Squalene . This water-free solution contains a 2% concentration of an advanced retinoid active complex called Granactive Retinoid. They are excellent for ant-aging. The emulsion is great for colder months, because it provides the hydration, while the squalene is more lightweight and great for hotter months. Moisturizer This lightweight moisturizer is excellent for night time use and daytime. It's the final touch providing non-greasy hydration. It don't always use it on the granactive retinoid in emulsion, since it is so rich, but you can if you feel you need extra moisture. I literally glow when I am done with this routine and there is a noticeable difference in my skin. I hope this can be a really useful guide. Skincare is really trial and and error and paying attention to what your skin needs. Share a bit on your skincare journey and the products you use . (Photo of Granactive in Squalene from Katelyn Dupre , Trader Joe's Rose Water Facial Toner from Cubicle Chick )

When discussing fashion, people can have very strong views on what it means to them, or their beliefs on the industry as a whole. No matter where you stand on the subject, the fact that you exist in a body makes you are a participant of the world of fashion. Even nudist wear shoes, and that small contribution is an indicator that fashion is part of all our lives. Recently, I came across the show Worn Stories on Netflix. It is a show where people explore articles of clothing that played a major role in their lives. Whether it be memories of a fun adventure, a source of identity and inclusion, or a moment where tenacity and resilience paid off, clothes hold beautiful meaning. I have to say I was captured and began to think about all the clothes that hold great meaning in my life—or at least those I can find photos of. These are the clothing that spoke to me at the time and some to this day. 1. My leather jacket One of the earliest sightings of this leather jacket was from 2009. I bought it from Arden B. From the moment I saw it, I fell in love. When I wear it, I feel like a total 5’ 3” badass and sexy at the same time. The belt adds a great feminine touch and cinches my waist line for a great silhouette. I just feel great when I’m in it. And as a girl whose favorite season is fall, followed by winter, I look forward to wearing it every year. 2. My favorite swimsuit Long Beach, Renata Poleon This swimsuit is a thing of beauty. I still have it, even though I haven’t worn it since I had my first daughter. It was so liberating to wear this bathing suit to the beach. For a long time, I had a love hate relationship with my legs. It was years before I went to a beach after moving to the US. As much as it was difficult being away from the ocean for that long, I needed time to learn to love every part of my body. Every time I wore it, it felt like a coming out party and me making the declaration, “Take me as I am world, because I love me.” There is no greater feeling. 3. My light blue booty shorts Following the display of my legs in a swimsuit came the freedom to wear these shorts. They were a pair of Forever 21 shorts that gave me life. The hips have certainly widened since this photo turning them into what looks like underwear and not pants, so I can ever wear these outdoors again. I have to say I love them and I still wear it around the house when cleaning. 4. My grey sling bag This was a gift from a friend back in my days as a babysitter. We worked in the same building and got to know each other pretty well. She gave me this bag as a birthday gift and I loved it. It looked great with everything and fed into my love of chains and leather while being relatively understated. I loved it. It had a lifespan of almost eight years until I had to retire her, but I had so many great times with this bag. 5. My trench coat I purchased this coat from Banana Republic and it has been one of my staples during fall and spring seasons. You can never go wrong with a great trench coat and the quality is superb. To this day, it still looks like new. After two children, I’m still able to fit in there. It satisfies my connection with timeless pieces over trends. I hope I never have to give this away. 6. My wedding dress Last, but not least, my wedding dress. Though I am no longer a wife, I loved and still love my wedding dress. It’s tucked away in my closet, but the story behind this dress was overwhelming. I was probably about a week away from my wedding date and still hadn’t found a dress. I was filled with anxiety and I walked into a DVF store in Soho. The store was low on stock. I tried a couple dresses and wasn’t happy, but I came across this one. Then I ran into a size issue, but with the help of the staff, I was able to find the dress. It was perfect. Clothes tell a story, so the question is, what story are your clothes telling about you or what story do you want them to tell?

This week has been difficult. I feel like my consciousness is frequently violated by horrible news, and the humanity of those who look like me is frequently being questioned. I don’t have the luxury of ignoring the news even if I wanted to, because it affects me and everyone who looks like. I have wanted to make this space one that doesn’t not delve too much into the political climate, but to do that is to disregard my very existence. Amanda Gorman the youngest inaugural poet titled her 2020 TED Talk, Using Your Voice is a Political Choice , and she is so right. You may slump back into your chair thinking, “Really?” Yes really. When you watch anyone with a social media presence, you’re not just looking at an individual, but you’re engaging in how that person takes up space in the world. Capturing yourself in photographs and using language is making a statement about how individuals wants others to perceive her very existence. Everything translated through pictures and words is a political statement. Today, I am using my voice to say: I am Renata “Bre.” I am a mother of two. I recently graduated with a BA in Psychology with a concentration in industrial/organizational psychology. I love painting, writing poetry, crocheting, knitting, reading and seeking adventure that involves nature. I am an introvert and I am passionate about humanity. I love making people around me feeling ten feet tall. I never intentionally hurt people and I am thoughtful. I am an only child, I love my mother dearly, I am a great friend and mother. You don’t have to know all of these things about me to respect and extend to me human kindness. My very existence requires that of you. For the black people especially who may see this post, and those who understand what we go through, I want you to take care of yourselves. Set the bar high for doing something that helps you have some inner peace and come to terms with all that is happening around us. Get together with like minded individuals. Talk to a friend, a therapist or a family member. Engage in some serotonin boosting activities . Hug on your partner. Light some candles and put on some music that soothes your soul. Just anything that helps relieve the stress and frustration that you may be harboring. We need to find ways to channel all that hurt in a way that brings us closer to healing our generational and collective trauma. I don’t have the answers, and like many people, I am processing myself. I just want those of us feeling this assault to take a moment to breathe and work on healing ourselves. We will get there. Namaste.