Tolerable Unhappiness, Female Desire and Lina of “Three Women”

Originally published: October 21, 2024

I spent much of Sunday binge watching Three Women on Starz. I was prompted to watch the show after a barrage of ads on my FYP . In one of the ads a beautiful woman dark-haired woman was talking about how her husband hadn’t touched her in almost three months. I was drawn in and intrigued. She shared her story with so much pain behind her eyes. I needed to know more. 

The series is based on the non-fiction work of Lisa Taddeo. She explored the lives of three women across America over the span of eight years, as they navigate the complexities of desire, love, trauma, and personal identity.

The series follows three central characters: Maggie, a young woman whose relationship with a high school teacher has deeply affected her life; Sloane, a successful businesswoman who carefully manages an open marriage; and Lina, a suburban mother of two who is starved for affection and intimacy in a loveless marriage.

Though all the women resonated with me, it was Lina’s story that struck a personal chord and really captivated me.

Lina’s journey felt deeply relatable in more ways than I had anticipated. I have never seen a character quite like Lina whose life mirrored mine in so many ways. Her journey is a raw and honest portrayal of vulnerability, yearning, and the sometimes painful pursuit of connection with the ones we love.

It felt like parts of my life was being played out on screen right before me. It helped me confront my unresolved feelings about love, intimacy, and self-worth.

***

Lina’s story begins with the internal dialogue of a woman who appears to be trapped in a marriage devoid of affection. Her husband Ed, is an emotionally distant and clueless man who shows little interest in physical intimacy. After years of living at a tolerable level of permanent unhappiness, Lina reaches a breaking point and begins to crave something more—something that makes her feel alive again. 

In addition to the deep emotional pain, Lina is also dealing with the physical pain of fibromyalgia—like me—and endometriosis. Lina discovers this at a visit with a rather eccentric doctor who recommends medication, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), and a good orgasm. Oh, how I can relate!

The stress of existing in a loveless marriage was a perfect breeding ground for the resentment, anger, and stress factors that contributed to Lina’s chronic illnesses. But there was more, so much more, that as time went on, we understood what was happening to Lina.

At every turn, I understood Lina. I understood her frustration and hurt. It is no wonder that women experience a higher prevalence of chronic illnesses and why we initiate most divorces. It becomes unbearable.

***

One of the rather more intense scenes is when Lina had to call for emergency services, because she thought she was having a heart attack. Ed returns home, only to downplay what occurred, tells Lina that her pain was all in her head.

Not only is her emotional pain being disregarded, Lina is being gaslit by her husband. She isn’t met with sympathy, but rather, her very physical pain was being trivialized.

This furthers the divide.

This is the point I think Lina is pushed over the edge and she was willing to lose everything.

Watching Lina grapple with these feelings was incredibly emotional for me. It was as though she was voicing thoughts I had struggled to come to terms with in my own past life.

At some point, many of us have felt unfulfilled in relationships, whether romantic or otherwise. We’ve sought connection and affection, only to be met with indifference or rejection.

All Lina yearned for was touch, passion, to be desired, and loved, and even that was too much to ask of the man she committed herself to. This was a window into the suffering of women across the globe .

Her vulnerability was palpable to the point that I couldn’t even fault her for the decisions she made. She is achingly real. In her desperation to feel loved, Lina slams straight into her past love as a a major act of self-preservation, and I could not even hold it against her.

After all she was already abandoned.

***

Lina’s affair with Aidan, her high school sweetheart, and what-if guy is a pivotal part of her story. This is where things get interesting.

It is an affair born not out of malice, but out of a desperate need to reclaim a sense of intimacy and desire that had long been absent from her life. Embarking on the affair felt like both an act of empowerment and destruction.

On one hand, she is finally feeling desired again—she feels alive in a way she hasn’t in years. On the other hand, she is aware that the relationship is precarious, built on the shaky ground of nostalgia and fantasy.

Lina is also locked in a juvenile state of trauma that in some ways has stunted her emotional growth. A woman in a loveless marriage can sometimes feel like she has nothing to lose and so much to gain by emotionally and physically detaching herself.

What kind of husband deems it acceptable to ignore the intimate needs of his wife? 

The type who is willing to lose her.

She had been in such a state of unhappiness that she just finally broke free. She would prefer to ask for forgiveness later than permission now. 

This tension between Lina’s need for fulfillment and the potentially damaging consequences of her actions hit home.

We’ve all experienced moments where we’ve made decisions, knowing they weren’t entirely healthy or sustainable, but feeling like they were necessary for our emotional survival. She sacrificed everything on the grounds of the relationship cemetery called Facebook when she decided to reconnect with her old flame.

***

The societal judgment she faced for her infidelity felt familiar. As she seeks out intimacy and love outside her marriage, she is met with criticism, not just from those around her but within herself. She grappled with feelings of guilt and shame for wanting more than what her marriage can provide. 

In many ways, Lina’s story is a commentary on the way society often views women who are unfulfilled in their relationships, especially mothers—internalized shame, and the suppression of sexual desire.

There’s an unspoken expectation that women should be fulfilled by the responsibility of partnership, motherhood, and having their socio-economic needs met. All she would need is a benzo, and she would be perfect in the role of a 1960s housewife.

It is this very kind of restrictive thinking that leaves so many dissatisfied housewives in the wind. It prioritizes male pleasure, and continues to make female desire feel taboo. After all, we are reduced to productivity and contribution to our families. Nothing more, nothing less.

Lina is the personification of the internal conflict that women go through when we’re left to fend for ourselves in a way that requires true partnership. She tried and tried building a connection, but Ed refused to listen constructively.

I understand the level of pain Lina had to be in to seek comfort outside her marriage. In that moment, I could not judge he. At some point, something had to give, because living in an unfulfilled marriage is emotional purgatory.

***

By the end of Three Women, Lina is far from having all the answers—after all, both she and Aidan are married. She’s still searching for a balance between her needs and her responsibilities. But what stands out to me most is her growth.

Lina’s journey is one of self-discovery, of learning that she is worthy of love and affection, even if that love doesn’t come in the way she originally imagined. She comes to the realization that she doesn’t need to settle for a life of emotional and physical deprivation nor does she have to be a married man’s secret.

Lina personifies what happens when women give themselves permission to acknowledge their desires, mistakes and all. By liberating herself from the need to center male desire, she exercised agency over her mind and body—mistakes and all.

(Photo of Lina in a red dress JoJo Whilden/SHOWTIME)