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For more than half my life, I have worked closely with both young children and teenagers—whether as a nanny, a substitute teacher, or in some other support role. I’ve had a front-row seat to the evolving needs of kids as they grow. One thing I’ve observed over and over again is that the children who thrive, both socially and academically, are the ones whose parents intentionally equip them with strong communication skills, emotional intelligence, and an understanding of social dynamics. The not so big secret is that adaptability is the name of the game. Our kids are not just growing up in our neighborhoods or within the walls of our homes; they are growing up in the wider society where their social skills, emotional intelligence, and their ability to navigate different environments matter. The need for these skills becomes more transparent as they become teenagers and are even more necessary as adults when they head to college and eventually the workforce. The inability to hone in on those skills can impair their growth personally and it makes a collective difference in the direction of our society. Let’s talk about four important elements of how we can raise decent humans who can thrive in any environment: Encourage Questions, But Set Firm Boundaries . One of the most important things we can do as a parent is to create an environment where our child(ren) feel comfortable asking questions. When kids feel like their thoughts and opinions matter, they develop confidence and a love for learning. But here’s where balance is key: Not everything is up for negotiation. I’ve seen many well-meaning parents blur the lines between open communication and giving kids too much control. While it’s great for kids to question the world around them, they also need to understand that some rules exist to keep things functioning, whether at home, in school, or in society. For example, a child might ask, “Why do I have to go to bed at 9 p.m.?” Instead of shutting them down with “Because I said so,” you could explain that their body needs rest to function well in school the next day. But if they keep pushing to stay up until midnight, that’s where the conversation ends. Some things are non-negotiable because they serve a bigger purpose. The same applies to other family rules—whether it’s contributing to household chores, limiting screen time, or showing respect to elders. Parents should stand firm in their decisions while allowing space for discussions. Model Social and Emotional Intelligence . Kids learn more from what we do than what we say. If we want them to be emotionally intelligent and socially aware, we have to model those behaviors ourselves. I’ve worked with children who struggle to express their emotions because they’ve never seen adults around them do so in a healthy way. I’ve also worked with teenagers who lash out because they never learned how to regulate their feelings. Emotional intelligence—the ability to understand and manage one’s own emotions while also being attuned to others’ emotions—is one of the biggest indicators of long-term success. Kids who develop strong emotional intelligence tend to build healthier relationships, navigate conflict more effectively, and adapt better to change and setbacks. Also, the more you model social and emotional intelligence, the more your child will internalize those behaviors and apply them in their own interactions. Teach Them How to Code-Switch . This might be one of the most underrated skills in raising socially competent kids. Code-switching isn’t simply about moving from Ebonics to standard English, but also encompasses the ability to adapt speech, tone, and behavior based on the social setting, is a survival skill in today’s world. Your child needs to understand that how they talk and joke with their friends is not how they should speak to a teacher, employer, or elder. The way they conduct themselves at a family gathering is different from how they should behave in a professional setting. Self-expression is great, but situational awareness is key. I’ve worked with teenagers who struggled with this because no one ever taught them that different environments require different versions of themselves. Some kids assume they can bring the same casual, slang-heavy, or overly familiar energy they use with friends into the workplace, which can hurt their opportunities . By making this a normal part of their upbringing, you equip them with a skill that will serve them for life. Good Manners Are Social Currency . Manners might seem old-fashioned to some, but they remain one of the most powerful social tools a person can have. A child who learns early on how to be polite, respectful, and considerate will make a strong impression on adults and authority figures, be more likely to receive help and mentorship, navigate professional and personal relationships with ease. I’ve seen firsthand how small acts of politeness—saying “please” and “thank you,” holding the door for someone, writing a thank-you note—can open doors for kids and teens. Many adults take notice when a young person carries themselves with respect and dignity, and these impressions often translate into opportunities. Raising a child who understands the value of kindness and respect gives them a distinct advantage. I’ve had the privilege of working with children across various age groups, and I can say with certainty that the most adaptable children and young adults are the ones whose parents are intentional about these lessons. The world is always changing, but the fundamental skills that help children thrive remain the same. So, keep leading by example, keep having those important conversations, and trust that the lessons you instill today will serve your child well for a lifetime.

Just a year ago, my family packed our belongings and moved out of the apartment we had been living in for about fifteen years. It was hard leaving so much history in our 450-square-foot apartment that we began in as a couple. We added two more little residents to the space, so let's say, it was a full house. As tiny as it was, I grew to love that apartment, though weekends often highlighted just how limited our living space was. However, it was in the quiet moments that I came to truly value our small NYC apartment. We simply learned to adapt and thrive within our home . For many people like us, living in a small apartment was not just a choice but a necessity. My family of four was no exception. We discovered that with creativity, flexibility, and a positive mindset, it was possible to live comfortably, even in a tight space. The key to thriving in a small apartment lies in how well you utilize the space available to you. I became an expert at maximizing every square foot of that apartment, turning what could have felt cramped into a home that met all of our needs. It wasn't always easy, but it was rewarding and taught us valuable lessons about simplicity, organization, and the true meaning of home. The Challenge of Sleeping Arrangements: Sacrifices and Solutions . One of the most significant challenges we faced in our small apartment was figuring out the sleeping arrangements. When our first daughter was born, it became clear that my existing setup wouldn’t work. To make room for her crib, I had to part with a beautiful makeup station that I cherished. It was a difficult decision, but one that was necessary for our growing family. The challenge didn’t stop there . When our second daughter arrived, we had to reposition our bed and get rid of the changing table to make room for yet another crib. The sacrifice of convenience was tough, but it was essential in creating a space where our children could sleep comfortably. These changes worked out better than I could have imagined. We managed to carve out a sleeping space that accommodated all of us without feeling too overcrowded. Bedroom and bed-sharing became a natural part of our routine. Each of us had a designated place to sleep, and we all slept comfortably, even in such close quarters. There’s something incredibly comforting about having everyone so near. Some nights, we would all pile into the big bed, snuggle up, and drift off to sleep together. These moments of closeness are some of the most precious, reminding me that while space was limited, the love and connection we share as a family are boundless. The Living Room: Our Multifunctional Family Hub . In a small apartment, every room must serve multiple purposes, and our living room was the epitome of this multifunctionality. The space was where our daughters played, where we gathered as a family, and where we entertained guests. Given the room’s multiple uses, keeping it organized and functional was crucial. To maintain order, I adopted a minimalist approach when it came to toys. I bought only what was necessary and ensured that all toys had a designated storage spot, typically in canvas bins and containers that blended seamlessly with the room’s decor. Toy rotation became a game-changer for us. When the girls received new toys, I stored some of their older ones away. Later, I brought the old toys back out, and they would feel brand new to the girls. This system was a win-win and kept the living room tidy while also keeping our daughters engaged and entertained. The living room’s flexibility is what made it such an essential part of our home. Whether we were hosting a family movie night, engaging in a play session, or simply relaxing, this space adapted to our needs. By keeping it organized and clutter-free, we ensured that it remained a functional and enjoyable area for all of us. Creative Storage Solutions: Making Every Inch Count . Storage is perhaps the biggest challenge in any small apartment, and ours was no exception. With limited space, I had to get creative to ensure that we were able to store everything we needed. I learned to make use of every available inch of space, finding storage solutions in places that might otherwise go unused. For example, we had a closet in our living room that had extra space to the far right and an oddly sloped bottom. I realized rather than hanging clothing there which I rarely did, installing shelves was a better use of space. Under our couch was a valuable storage spot, as was the space under the girls’ beds. Ours was quite low, so it did not accommodate much. Our furniture was multifunctional offering storage solutions, allowing us to keep our belongings organized and out of sight. This was essential in maintaining a livable and functional space. I had been practicing the principles of the KonMari method long before I ever heard of Marie Kondo. The idea of keeping only what sparks joy resonates deeply with me, especially in a small space where every item must serve a purpose. By being selective about what we keep and finding smart storage solutions for the things we need, we’ve been able to create a home that feels both spacious and serene. Creative Storage Solutions: Making Every Inch Count . Storage is perhaps the biggest challenge in any small apartment, and ours was no exception. With limited space, I had to get creative to ensure that we were able to store everything we needed. I learned to make use of every available inch of the apartment, finding storage solutions in places that might otherwise go unused. For example, we had a closet in our living room that had extra space to the far right and an oddly sloped bottom. I realized rather than hanging clothing there which I rarely did, installing shelves was a better use of space. Under our couch was a valuable storage spot, as was the space under the girls’ beds. Ours was quite low, so it did not accommodate much. Our furniture was multifunctional offering storage solutions, allowing us to keep our belongings organized and out of sight. This was essential in maintaining a livable and functional space. I had been practicing the principles of the KonMari method long before I ever heard of Marie Kondo. The idea of keeping only what sparks joy resonates deeply with me, especially in a small space where every item must serve a purpose. By being selective about what we keep and finding smart storage solutions for the things we need, we’ve been able to create a home that feels both spacious and serene. Involving the Kids: Teaching Responsibility and Teamwork . One of the most important lessons I’ve learned in this journey is the value of involving our children in the cleaning and organizing process. By assigning them small tasks, like tidying up their toys or helping with simple cleaning chores, we not only keep our home organized but also taught them important life skills. Getting the kids involved has made a significant difference in how we manage our space. It’s not just about keeping things clean—it’s about fostering a sense of responsibility and teamwork. Our daughters understand the importance of maintaining order, and they have grown to take pride in helping out around the house. My older daughter has gotten a grasp on the value of being a contributing member of our family, but my little one is getting there. Baby steps. The Power of Routine: Staying Organized in a Small Space . To maintain a clean and organized home, I’ve developed a daily and weekly cleaning and organization routine. This routine helped in making our small space functional and enjoyable. We stuck to it for the most part to ensure that clutter did not build up and that everything remained in its designated place. The philosophy that “everything has a home” is central to how we maintain order in our apartment. Every item, no matter how small, has a specific spot where it belongs. This approach makes it easy to find things when we need them and reduces the stress that can come from living in a cluttered space. Following a routine also helps me manage the demands of daily life in a small apartment. With two young children, it’s easy for things to get messy quickly, but by staying on top of the cleaning and organization, I can keep our home in a state that feels both livable and enjoyable. Finding Joy in a Small Space . For me, there’s a deep sense of satisfaction that comes from living in a clean, organized space. It’s one of the reasons why our small apartment worked so well for us. At that time, I recognized the value of what we had. Our apartment may have been small, but it’s filled with love, laughter, and memories. Rather than focusing on the limitations of our space, we chose to focus on the positives. We made countless memories in that apartment, and when the time came to move on, we missed that tiny space. It was the backdrop for so many important moments in our lives, and for that, I’m incredibly grateful. Embracing the Journey: Living in the Moment . Living in a small space taught us to appreciate what we have and to make the most of it. We learned to be resourceful, creative, and, most importantly, to cherish the time we spend together as a family. Our apartment was small, but it’s filled with love and joy, and that’s what truly matters. We have since moved to a bigger apartment and will value the lesson of living in the moment and the joy we found in making this small space our home. Living in a small New York apartment with a family of four posed its challenges, but it was a rewarding experience. Our journey has taught us to value and focus on the things that truly matter—love, family, and the memories we make together.   In the end, it’s not about the size of the space you live in, but how you live in that space.

I celebrated another year around the sun two days ago. I like to enjoy a quiet birthday with a simple bath and some self-reflection. Birthdays are what I like to call my personal New Year. But Instead, this year, I spent it schlepping the kids to school with the help of the sitter, purchased a new dress, a new pair of shoes, a toy for each of my girls and some items to make Halloween costumes. I then ran home to meet with a friend to give her clothes my girls have outgrown and baked my cake. I then went back to pick up my girls. This was way too much for a day that was supposed to be about self-reflection and relaxation. Nonetheless, the self-reflection started early so I was really able to evaluate my successes and my missteps. I am grateful to be able to live in this beautiful country despite everything going on politically and socially. I am thankful for my health even though I have suffered with fibromyalgia for most of my life. I am thankful for my children , friends, and my mother who has been at my side for so many years . I have taken stock of where I am in my life and where I aspire to be. I am working on my one-year, three-year and five-year goals, and I am creating a plan on how to execute each one of my goals. As we know, a goal without a plan is a wish and that is not a world I wish to exist in. Having clear goals makes a world of difference. I was told as a kid, to be specific in your requests, and that is exactly what I plan on doing. Photo from Frank Warsaw /Instagram

The holidays are fast approaching, and the season of giving is in full swing. Nothing evokes winter quite like the crisp chill in the air, cozy nights filled with classic Thanksgiving and Christmas movies, and the endless baking adventures happening in my kitchen. Add in a steaming mug of peppermint hot cocoa, and I’m in my happy place. The pinnacle of it all is when we begin decorating for Christmas—not long after Halloween, though the tree doesn’t go up until after Thanksgiving. I look forward to the celebrations that capture the essence of the season in small and meaningful ways. All these traditions bring a sense of warmth and belonging. There’s truly nothing like the joy of the holidays—but it makes me wonder: how can we extend these sentiments throughout the year? Although this season is traditionally celebrated as a time of selfless giving and compassion, the cultural tone has noticeably shifted over the years. What was once rooted in acts of kindness and communal spirit now often feels reduced to the transactional ritual of exchanging material gifts. The deeper meaning—connection, generosity of heart, and community—can easily get lost in the noise. While gift-giving tends to peak during this time, it’s worth pausing to reflect on why  we give—not just during Christmas, but as an ongoing expression of empathy and care throughout the year. Giving is more than a physical exchange; it is a mental, emotional, social, and spiritual offering. Whether it’s a tangible item or something as simple as shared time and presence, the heart of giving lies in thoughtfulness, love, and intentional connection. This is what makes the act of giving so powerful and enduring. To truly embrace its spirit, here are three core aspects of authentic giving that empower us all—beyond the holidays and into everyday life: Give selflessly, without an agenda: In today’s world—where so much is publicized and acts of kindness are often performed for recognition—genuine giving can feel rare. But true generosity comes from a place of sincerity, not self-interest. The focus shouldn't just be on the act itself, but on how it is received and the impact it has. When giving becomes about optics or personal gain, it loses its essence and becomes a mere transaction. Authentic giving builds bridges of compassion and connection within a community—it should never come with strings attached. Give without expecting anything in return: Real giving isn't about reciprocity; it’s about responsibility—social, communal, and human. Those with more have the privilege to uplift those with less, whether or not the gesture is ever repaid. In some cultures, there isn’t even a word for “thank you” because generosity is so ingrained—it’s simply a way of life. Growing up in a culture where kindness, sharing, and bartering are part of daily existence, I’ve come to understand that giving is the foundation of community—not a favor, but a shared understanding of support. See giving as planting a seed: very act of giving is a seed planted, one that may bloom into a connection, trust, or a deeper relationship. Whether you're offering your time, attention, or even a simple gift, you’re creating space for something meaningful to grow . Often, it’s not the object or gesture itself, but the intention behind it that resonates. Giving is a way of saying, I see you, you matter,  and that kind of energy has the power to echo far beyond the moment. By keeping these three elements in mind, the art of giving becomes easier. At various points in life, we are all both givers and receivers, making it essential to adopt principles that nurture a mindset of generosity as a shared social responsibility, not just a kind gesture. While this may sound idealistic, consistently practicing these values can offer deeper insight into the true purpose of giving. There is joy to be found in giving—not in the reward, but in the connection it creates and the humanity it honors. Photo by  @krystynwhitty  via  Black Girls With Gardens

Over the summer, I wrote about letting my 9-year-old join a fourth-grade group chat . It wasn’t an easy decision—I had to think it through. Fast forward a few months, and now her name is just sitting in the group, but she never initiates a conversation. I check the chat every couple of days, and sometimes she’ll show me something funny or complain about that one kid who keeps spamming the group with the same photo. For the most part, she’s pretty inactive, and honestly, I’m kind of relieved. When the Group Chat Turned Sour . My daughter was so excited to keep in touch with her friends over the summer, especially as a rising fourth-grader. But only a few weeks in, the friendly chat turned sour. One day, she called me into her room to show me a message where a girl posted a picture of another student and cruelly labeled her “ugly.” My daughter was horrified. She knew that this was unacceptable behavior and was torn. She loved being part of the group, but that comment lingered with her. Unfortunately, the behavior didn’t stop with one hurtful message. The girl, along with her cousin, continued to make others feel unwelcome, creating an environment of exclusion and downright unkindness. I explained to her that she had a few options: she could ignore it, leave the group, or set an example for kindness. She chose the brave route, telling the group they were all there to be friends. I admired her courage. The Pain of Speaking Out . But the courage my daughter showed didn’t lead to the outcome she’d hoped for. A few days later, the same former classmate turned on her cousin by making a harsh statement. My daughter, ever empathetic, messaged the cousin to offer support: “I’m sorry she said that to you.” As they say, no good deed goes unpunished. Shortly after, her former classmate kicked her out of the group. As soon as she realized it, she began to cry. All I could do was hold her. She cried her little eyes out in my arms, and we just lay there together. Once she was ready to talk, I told her she did nothing wrong and I reassured her that her actions were kind. I explained that this wasn’t a reflection of her, but rather of the former classmate. I reminded her that these things take time to heal. I was there to support her through the anger, sadness and feelings of rejection. The Startling Reality of Kids’ Digital Drama . We later discovered that the former classmate who blocked my daughter also blocked another friend from the group. She endured something even more distressing—a threat to have the police sent to her house. When I discovered this, I was shaken by how quickly the group chat had escalated into something potentially dangerous. It was really disheartening and I was beyond shocked when this was revealed to my daughter. I struggled with whether I should reach out to the parent. Ultimately, I decided against it, allowing my daughter to navigate this challenging social dynamic with my guidance. Finding Support and Building Resilience .Fortunately, the two of them found comfort in each other as they shared their experience. I could see her relief as she realized she wasn’t the only one affected by the toxic behavior. Together, they leaned on each other, and I watched her discover the true value of supportive, positive friendships. In that moment, I saw her start to appreciate the profound nurturing that friendship offers. Thankfully, a few friends started a new group chat, this time creating a space that felt safe and supportive. The warmth of her classmates was so comforting. She appreciated the support of her classmates who knew what happened. Out of a truly horrible situation, my sweet girl was able to bond with friends who understood the meaning of kindness. Their support helped her rebuild her confidence. Today, they remain close, and she has learned a lasting lesson about the types of friendships that truly matter. Reflecting on a Hard but Important Lesson . Looking back, I recognize the weight of my decision to let her join the chat in the first place. Part of me wonders if things would have been different had I held her back, but I also believe this was a lesson she needed. She faced exclusion and unkindness, but she also learned resilience, empathy, and the significance of standing up for what’s right. Watching her grow through this experience, I’m grateful for the strength and kindness she’s shown, and I’m proud of the friends who have embraced those values alongside her.

As we head into NYE, I want to thank you for continuing to read my posts as I keep rolling them out. I finally took my writing more seriously and I was able to draw you in, my amazing readers. There is so much to come in the new year, but I am so happy to have made it so far. I am now rounding up the most read posts of 2024. In Wellbeing , post election feelings in America, Explain Yourself: We Need to Talk , my lived chronic illness experience in Chronic Illnesses: When Sticking to a Routine Gets Hard and a weekend sign-off Have a Weekend of Laughter made it to the top. In Motherhood , the congrats to 5 Unexpected Parenting Lessons I Learned from Being a Babysitter in NYC, Keep it on: Why Children Should Listen to the Radio for the parents looking to expand musical genre knowledge in their kids and Conversations with Kids: Not Because I Have to . In Relationships , I wrote about my neighbor Chuck in A Friend in Waiting: Getting to Know My Neighbor . This was my effort to throw caution to the wind and create community with the people around me. We also have my My New York City Hall Wedding from 2012 and 21 Questions: Get to Know me . In Adventure , the posts No Summer Camp? Now What? , Our Montréal Trip: A Full Recap to see one of my best friends and Saratoga Springs: Rich History and Natural Beauty . In Food , you read the Crispy and Flavorful Fried Chicken with Noodles , The Best Chicken if you Follow these Rules and Pressure Cooker Mashed Potatoes and Beef Stew recipes, which I hope you all tried. In Decor , Analysis Paralysis and Wall Decor: Overcoming Decision Fatigue took the cake along with What I Found, How I Styled: Thrifting Edition and Entryway Elegance: Choosing between Mirror and Artwork . In Style , one of my favorites to write Confidence, Choice and Love: My Hair, My Business , 4 Easy Hairstyles for Black Kids that Last the School Week and Chic or Not: Creativity, Confidence and Black Culture in Fashion round off all the selections. Thank you for being here! I hope to see more of you in 2025. Happy New Year and see you back here in January.

"Today, I barely survived. It felt like a horror film where I was being dragged into a dark abyss. I wanted to go Viola Davis on the fam, grab my purse and walk out. I nearly tapped out of this house." These are the words I wrote recently on an Instagram post. I did not think this would be the starting point for discussing parenting struggles, but I think this best describes how so many feel at some point in their parenting journey. Motherhood is beautiful, but it can also be messy. I am so glad every time I see videos where women speak authentically about their parenting struggles. I think about the many moms who sometimes feel they want to tap out of their families, no matter how much we love them. So many great mothers wake up every day with the intention of giving their best to their children only to realize that despite their best efforts, some days just suck. At the end of it all, we just have to keep giving our best , because that is really all we can do. Parenting is not for the faint and you will never get it right all the time, so be ready to get it wrong sometimes. To those of us surviving parenthood and need some answers, let's discover some ways we can keep trying. For when the kiddos just won't listen Even the best children can have their worst day, and I say, hold on for dear life. Whether we're talking about trying to get the kid(s) out the door, telling your child for the fourth time to take her socks off the living room floor, or just requesting personal space so you won't be touched out, there are moments when your kids just don’t or won’t listen. It is the nature of motherhood. Despite my vast experience as a babysitter/nanny, some days I am still dumbfounded by the things my children do. Recently, I just had to ask one of my daughters to please step away from me, because her behavior at that moment was just unacceptable and I found myself repeating things over and over (worst mistake ever). When I felt like I was about to lose it, she had to come back with a snarky response. At that point, I directed her to her father and walked into my room. I asked Google for solutions to my problem. Yes, I was asking Google for directions to that place on the internet where successful moms reside with alternative solutions, because that's where I was at. In addition, I remembered another strategy from being a substitute teacher. It always got the kids' attention. Online Solution: If you hear me, touch your nose. (continue by naming a different body part each time until they show they're listening). My solution:  I say: 1,2,3 eyes on me. They say: 1, 2 eyes on you. So now I have two solutions that I plan to implement. Both methods, I believe, will prevent you the parent from snapping at your kid(s), give you some time to think, and allow you to convey your initial request thoughtfully and concisely. For when your child is being resistant. I have a nine-year-old and a seven-year-old, and personality-wise, they couldn't be more different from each other, yet maintain some behaviors that make me question whether I am parenting one child. My second child who started extremely introverted, is now a strong-willed, critical thinker, who is both witty and funny. She hates being rushed to accomplish anything, so her resistance tends to be easier to solve. I back off showing remorse for my actions and correct my behavior. My nine year old on the other hand is at the developmental stage of preadolescence. I can see the pushback coming from a place of desiring more autonomy, which is expected for a child her age. I have very clear house rules, expectations, and structure, but I also need to recognize that my parenting style has to match her developmental stage. I may just not be hitting the mark sometimes. Resistant behavior tends to occur when children want to avoid a task, gain attention, and even gain power by trying to irritate you. Beyond these simple explanations for non-compliant behavior, it is crucial to assess the environmental changes that may be contributing to the changes in your child's behavior. Things like relocating, the death of a loved one, starting a new school, and any change in the dynamics of their home life. These factors all have an impact on children and the ways they cope with these changes. For resistant children, there are two things I try to avoid: Power struggles: Avoid going back and forth or over-explaining your stance. All it does is incite more anger and resistance. Boy have I made that mistake, but I am learning. Overreacting: Try to stay calm (and trust me, I know how difficult that can be sometimes), because it gnaws away at the relationship between you and your child. At times it may be hard not to, but find ways to calm yourself in that moment, because reacting may be more disastrous than you think. What you can do to help you avert many negative situations is: Praise your child for the things they do well: I pay attention to my children's actions, so when I see great behavior being displayed, I will point it out to my kids immediately. There are so many times I have told my daughters, "I really like how you handled that situation" by repeating what was said and how effective it was responding in the manner that they did. You can see the joy in their eyes. Collaborate with your child: I can't tell you the number of times I have asked my children for advice on how they think I should address their resistance. In those moments, I see all of us calming down and taking moments to speak our hearts and come up with solutions. They feel empowered rather than being dominated, which is never my goal. For those big emotional moments Being a parent can take a toll. There are the day-to-day emotional interactions that barely cause a dent, and with the right response, they can be great bonding moments. But there are days you can barely regulate your own emotions due to a host of issues, and you have to do your best to help a sometimes dysregulated little human find a sense of calm. It is on those days, it can feel like the world is conspiring against your joy, and mothering can take a toll on your mental health. This is why I appreciate women who know in their hearts that they are not meant for the calling of motherhood and stand firmly in their decisions. So on the days when everyone is caught up in their feelings, all I try to do is avoid making the day a complete disaster. I tell my girls when they're yelling out into the universe "My day is ruined," that they're having a tough moment; there is still time to turn it around . We always do, even though it sometimes takes us a little longer to get there. As the adults who have to lead by example (but sometimes fails epically), I say absent of any physical, emotional, or psychological abuse to your child, show yourself some grace. I recommend: Removing yourself from the situation: When an environment gets extremely stressful and you feel overwhelmed, start by creating distance if you can. Breathe: Take that time to acknowledge how you feel, do some deep breathing and refocus your energy on something more positive. Decide whether you want to be happy or right: In that moment, I also decide before heading back out making sure that my language does not assign blame, but rather a path to bringing us closer together. Apologize if necessary: If feelings were hurt before your exit, come back ready to apologize. This can be the olive branch to begin the conversation, especially with kids who can talk. Be ready to listen: This is the time for open dialogue. Talk to your child while connecting from a place of the heart. Allow your child to be heard. Seek comfort from a trusted individual: Whether it's your partner, a friend or a therapist, reach out to someone you can talk to if you need further support. Continue to show yourself grace and compassion: We all have rough moments. Don't beat yourself up. You can turn this around. So, keep trying, keep laughing, and embrace the wonderful chaos that is parenting. Because at the end of the day, the art of trying is what truly makes us superheroes in the eyes of our children. Celebrate the messiness, the laughter, and the endless love that comes with being a parent. Because in the grand scheme of things, the art of trying is what truly defines us as parents – imperfectly perfect and beautifully chaotic. Now go forth, fellow parents, and conquer the world!

Do you ever feel like you're living in a sitcom, but instead of laughing, you're just trying to survive your 9-to-5? My life has at many times felt like an episode of "The Office" meets "Survivor." Here's a glimpse into my hilarious (and sometimes tragic) adventures of trying to navigate stressful work environments: Episode 1: Sounds of Hunger Picture this: It's 7:30 a.m, and I clock in to work just in time to grab documents that I prepared for an early new hire onboarding. I'm starving, but I'm on a tight schedule, so I keep driving for an hour to meet with the new hire—sometimes annoyed I am driving one hour to onboard one person in 2023. On cue, my stomach starts growling while I'm sitting in the room, and I'm just praying that the new hire does not hear any of it. Of course she did, so I say something funny to break the ice. Unfortunately, that was only the beginning, because I'm stuck in there for another 30 minutes. We both just pretend nothing is happening at every growl. Yikes. Episode 2: The Email Avalanche Ah, the joys of modern communication. One minute, you're catching up on emails; the next, your inbox resembles a digital avalanche burying you alive. You're now regretting your life choices and seriously considering homesteading as a way of life, because surely, this cannot be what I dreamt of. I also can't help but wonder: who thought it was a good idea to hit "reply all" to share their grievance about not being invited to a team gathering—drama! And why does the universe conspire to send urgent requests the moment I step away from my desk? Episode 3: The Meeting from Hell We've all been there – trapped in a never-ending and sometimes useless work meeting where you try to appear engaged, while secretly plotting your escape. Whether it's the boss's latest obsession with team-building exercises or a PowerPoint presentation that rivals the length of "War and Peace," every minute feels like an eternity. But then, your supervisor gets to the end and says, "Are there any questions?" I'm holding my breathe in pure terror hoping no one says yes, but then marvel at the audacity of someone to ask a question that makes us suffer even more. For the love of .... Episode 4: The Office Drama No workplace would be complete without its fair share of drama. From passive-aggressive emails or Post-It notes to whispered gossip, navigating office politics is like trying to solve a Rubik's Cube blindfolded. Even worse is when you can't help but wonder: is this really what I signed up for? When you're on the receiving end of that behavior, you just have to remind yourself that you're too broke to retire, don't want to be a sugar baby and you have bills to pay, so you report to work as a shy introvert and ignore every one. If it has nothing to do with work, you have nothing to say. Episode 5: The Great Escape I cannot tell you the number of times I have imagined grabbing my purse and jumping from the window with the perfect landing of a superhero, running to my car, and driving off. In the end, sometimes the only solution is to make a break for it. Whether it's sneaking out early on a Friday or taking an extended bathroom break to collect my thoughts (and sanity), finding moments of respite becomes a survival strategy. When I clock out for the day, I can't help but laugh at the absurdity of it all – because sometimes, laughter truly is the best medicine. So there you have it: my comedic journey through the wild and wacky world of stressful work environments. I have now taken to working remotely, which still provides endless material for a sitcom-worthy blog post. Cheers to surviving another day in the office, one laugh at a time! Hope you enjoyed the humorous take on navigating stressful work environments! Let me know if you'd like to add anything or if there's a specific aspect you'd like to explore further. (Photos: Feature photo by Jess Shoots /Unsplash , Graphic Photo by Aaron Blanco Tejedor /Unsplash)

Navigating life with a chronic illness can get very difficult. I live with one that I would like to forget about daily. Unfortunately, I am routinely reminded of it by the frequent episodes of morning stiffness, cognitive impairment and sleep disturbances. Life with a chronic illness is unpredictable, painful, frustrating and extremely stressful. The effects take over all aspects of your life in a sometimes indescribable way. As I sit here writing these words at my desk, my neck and shoulders feel like they’re on fire, one of the many effects of my condition. I struggle on many days to maintain my routine, especially when activities are happening for the kids. I had to quit my job earlier this year as a human resources professional. The unbearable pain from driving for long periods, extended periods of sitting, and fibro fog made it difficult to hit the ground running. I made a concerted effort to conserve energy so that I can be present as a mother to my two younger children, but even that did not work. I had to grapple with the fact that I can’t do it all or be it all .  “Life requires two things from us; to be flexible and to be open.” Routines serve a significant purpose in productivity and stability. It is a pathway to achieving goals, maintaining mental health, and fostering a sense of control. However, for people living with chronic illnesses, sticking to a routine can be a complex challenge. Chronic illnesses, characterized by persistent and often fluctuating symptoms, demand a level of flexibility and adaptation that conventional routines rarely accommodate. For this reason, we can explore the many ways in which chronic illnesses complicate maintaining routines, and explore strategies to navigate these difficulties. The Nature of Chronic Illnesses Chronic illnesses encompass a wide range of conditions, including autoimmune diseases like lupus and rheumatoid arthritis , metabolic disorders such as diabetes , and neurological conditions like multiple sclerosis and of course, fibromyalgia . These illnesses often present with symptoms that can vary dramatically from day to day or even hour to hour. Cognitive impairment, pain, fatigue, and digestive issues are just a few examples of symptoms that can interfere with daily activities.  Chronic illnesses persist over long periods, often for a lifetime. This means that individuals with chronic illnesses must constantly balance our health needs with other life responsibilities, such as work, family, and social commitments. The Challenge of Unpredictability One of the most significant challenges to maintaining a routine for people with chronic illnesses is unpredictability . Flare-ups, which are a sudden and severe increase of symptoms, make the simplest tasks like getting out of bed or preparing a meal, or even taking a shower feel almost impossible.  A few months ago, I started working out with a friend two times per week, but after about a month of consistently showing up, a flare made these plans impossible. As part of my care routine , I continued working out at home, but I have yet to return to working out with my friend. Part of it is that I do not want to cancel future appointments due to another flare, so to avoid that kind of conversation I simply have decided to stick to working out alone or at home. Energy Management: The Spoon Theory Christine Miserandino's Spoon Theory is a widely accepted metaphor that illustrates the energy limitations experienced by people with chronic illnesses. According to this theory, individuals have a limited number of "spoons" representing units of energy available for daily activities. Healthy individuals typically have a seemingly unlimited supply, but those with chronic illnesses must carefully ration their spoons to get through the day.  For instance, taking a shower, cooking breakfast, or driving to work all require spoons. Once these spoons are used up, the person may be too exhausted to continue with other planned activities. This constant need to prioritize and conserve energy makes it challenging to stick to a fixed routine. The Mental Health Component One of the big hits of living with a chronic illness is the significant toll it takes on your mental health. Conditions like depression and anxiety are common among individuals with chronic illnesses, partly due to the ongoing stress and uncertainty associated with our health.  These mental health fluctuations can further complicate the ability to stick to a routine. On days when depression is overwhelming, the motivation to complete even routine tasks can be non-existent. Anxiety can cause people to overextend themselves in an attempt to compensate for perceived shortcomings , leading to burnout and an inability to maintain a consistent schedule. Social and Professional Impacts The difficulty in maintaining a routine can have broad social and professional implications. For instance, I struggled at times to meet the expectations of my previous employer who needed consistency and reliability. This led to me feeling insecure about my position and a loss of professional identity . I frequently questioned if I was cut out for this, but then downplayed how my chronic illness played a significant role in my performance.  Socially, the unpredictable nature of chronic illnesses can strain relationships. Friends and family may not always understand why we have to cancel plans frequently or why we might need to rest instead of participating in activities. This can lead to feeling isolated and frustrated. Adapting Routines to Fit Individual Needs Given these challenges, it's crucial for people with chronic illnesses to develop adaptable routines that account for our unique health needs. Here are some strategies that can help: 1. Flexibility is Key Rigid routines are often impractical for those with chronic illnesses. Instead, flexible routines that allow for adjustments based on daily health fluctuations are more effective. This might mean having multiple versions of a routine: one for high-energy days, another for low-energy days, and a third for days when symptoms are particularly severe. 2. Prioritization and Delegation Identifying the most critical tasks and focusing on those can help conserve energy. Delegation is also vital. When possible, delegating tasks to others can alleviate the burden. If you live alone or cannot delegate much to others professionally, I encourage leaving critical tasks for another day and communicate your need for help from supervisors.  3. Momentum over Motivation Prominent podcaster Mel Robbins speaks eloquently about creating massive momentum in situations of anxiety and depression, On your way to doing hard things, you will lose motivation, but momentum on the other hand is what can sustain you. Getting in the habit of completing small tasks that accomplish big goals is a way forward for sufferers of chronic illness sufferers. 4. Incorporating Rest and Recovery Scheduling regular breaks and rest periods into the daily routine can help manage fatigue. This might include short naps, meditation, EFT tapping or simply quiet time to recharge. 5. Using Technology for Assistance There are numerous apps and tools designed to help with task management and scheduling. These can provide reminders, track symptoms, and help plan activities around fluctuating energy levels. Examples include health tracking apps that monitor symptoms and provide data that can be shared with healthcare providers. 6. Building a Support Network Having a strong support network is invaluable. A therapist or support groups either in-person or online, can provide a sense of community and understanding. If you’re fortunate, friends and family can offer practical assistance and emotional support, making it easier to navigate the challenges of daily life. 7. Self-Compassion and Acceptance Perhaps one of the most important aspects of managing a routine with a chronic illness is self-compassion. This is something that I actively had to work on in therapy. It's vital for us  to recognize our limitations and not judge ourselves harshly for needing rest or being unable to stick to a routine. Acceptance of our condition and its impact on daily life can reduce stress and improve overall well-being. Sticking to a routine is undeniably challenging for people with chronic illnesses. The unpredictable nature of these conditions, coupled with the need to manage energy and mental health, requires a flexible and compassionate approach. Ultimately, the goal is to find a balance that allows for the best possible quality of life, despite the limitations.

Originally published:01/02/2021 Revised: 4/28/2025 We made it through the first Monday of 2021. I am so grateful to have made it out of 2020, even though I’m still dizzy from the whiplash that entire year gave me. For that reason, I feel I am due for a proper introduction. I have blogged in some capacity since 2019, but officially as The Tidy Habit in 2022 and later to Aubre in Between in 2025, which reflects more of who I am as a writer. I’m happy you decided to read my posts, and I hope you stick around to get to know me. The future looks promising, so get to know more about me, the one-woman brain behind Aubre in Between. 1. Where did you grow up? I grew up in St. Lucia . 2. Where do you currently live? I live in Brooklyn, New York. I’ve lived here since I moved to the U.S.A. Update: I relocated to the Capital Region of NY a few years ago. 3. What do you enjoy most about living in NYC? Access to everything without having a car. There is so much adventure here and always something to do. Update: Upstate NY? Being in nature and the access to it. It is the slower pace of life which resembles something closer to my childhood. 4. What inspired you to start your blog? My blog was born out of a journey to wellness and becoming my best self. In 2019, I was struggling to maintain all my roles, especially being a wife, mother, and student, so I sought out the help of a therapist. Writing has always been cathartic for me, so after therapy was complete, I thought blogging would be a great way to share personal stories, and provide tips on mindful living, wellness, and personal development. 5. Your personality type? Based on the Jung Typology Test, I’m an INFJ. I’m an introverted empath and a highly sensitive person. I’m moderately sociable, and I genuinely care about others and their well-being, but I get drained by people easily. I enjoy lots of quiet time and my dream is to work from home in my area of expertise. 6. What did you study in college? Psychology with a concentration in industrial/organizational psychology. 7. Any pets? No. I don’t like the idea of pets in my apartment. I wouldn’t mind a dog in a larger space, but I have one child who is terrified and the other is slightly allergic, so we can’t have one. 8. Your favorite color? All neutral tones, but primarily gray. 9. If you could live anywhere in the world for a year, where would it be? It would have to be France. It could be the city or the countryside, but I would prefer somewhere in between. I love the French approach to life, work, and the language. I may find it a little easier to learn the language since I can read and write a bit in French. 10. Three TV shows you love? Monk, Psych, and Gilmore Girls. 11. Best movie you have seen recently? Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom. 12. Best time of day? Sunset. I’m not a morning person and sunsets are just beautiful. 13. Favorite genre of music? 90s and early 2000s R&B. 14. What is your favorite kind of cuisine? Thai food is the ultimate for me, but I love South Asian cuisine in general. The spices, the heat, the complexity. I love it all, especially ramen. 15. What is your dream car? A Jeep Wrangler. They’re small and compact but they last a long time. They adapt to most terrains. It is kind of me in a car. Lol. Update: A Subaru. I have gotten out of the Jeep stage even though they’re still very attractive to me. 16. What are your biggest fears in life? Failure, mice, and roaches. 17. What was your dream job when you were a teenager? A psychologist. 18. What is your favorite sweet treat? Tiramisu. It’s delicate and not too sweet. 19. What are your top 3 hobbies? Eating, cooking, and creating arts and crafts. 20. What do you do for self-care consistently? I am not the best when it comes to self-care, but even as someone who was staunchly against baths, it has been one of the few things that soothe me. So for now baths do it for me. 21. Name three things you admire about yourself. I am empathetic, I can connect with people deeply to the point where they’re spilling out their life stories shortly after meeting me, and my tenacity.