Parenting for the Real World: Raising Kids Who Thrive in Any Environment

For more than half my life, I have worked closely with both young children and teenagers—whether as a nanny, a substitute teacher, or in some other support role. I’ve had a front-row seat to the evolving needs of kids as they grow. One thing I’ve observed over and over again is that the children who thrive, both socially and academically, are the ones whose parents intentionally equip them with strong communication skills, emotional intelligence, and an understanding of social dynamics.

The not so big secret is that adaptability is the name of the game. Our kids are not just growing up in our neighborhoods or within the walls of our homes; they are growing up in the wider society where their social skills, emotional intelligence, and their ability to navigate different environments matter. The need for these skills becomes more transparent as they become teenagers and are even more necessary as adults when they head to college and eventually the workforce. The inability to hone in on those skills can impair their growth personally and it makes a collective difference in the direction of our society.

Let’s talk about four important elements of how we can raise decent humans who can thrive in any environment:

Encourage Questions, But Set Firm Boundaries. One of the most important things we can do as a parent is to create an environment where our child(ren) feel comfortable asking questions. When kids feel like their thoughts and opinions matter, they develop confidence and a love for learning.

But here’s where balance is key: Not everything is up for negotiation.

I’ve seen many well-meaning parents blur the lines between open communication and giving kids too much control. While it’s great for kids to question the world around them, they also need to understand that some rules exist to keep things functioning, whether at home, in school, or in society.

For example, a child might ask, “Why do I have to go to bed at 9 p.m.?” Instead of shutting them down with “Because I said so,” you could explain that their body needs rest to function well in school the next day. But if they keep pushing to stay up until midnight, that’s where the conversation ends. Some things are non-negotiable because they serve a bigger purpose.

The same applies to other family rules—whether it’s contributing to household chores, limiting screen time, or showing respect to elders. Parents should stand firm in their decisions while allowing space for discussions.

Model Social and Emotional Intelligence. Kids learn more from what we do than what we say. If we want them to be emotionally intelligent and socially aware, we have to model those behaviors ourselves.

I’ve worked with children who struggle to express their emotions because they’ve never seen adults around them do so in a healthy way. I’ve also worked with teenagers who lash out because they never learned how to regulate their feelings.

Emotional intelligence—the ability to understand and manage one’s own emotions while also being attuned to others’ emotions—is one of the biggest indicators of long-term success. Kids who develop strong emotional intelligence tend to build healthier relationships, navigate conflict more effectively, and adapt better to change and setbacks.

Also, the more you model social and emotional intelligence, the more your child will internalize those behaviors and apply them in their own interactions.

Teach Them How to Code-Switch. This might be one of the most underrated skills in raising socially competent kids. Code-switching isn’t simply about moving from Ebonics to standard English, but also encompasses the ability to adapt speech, tone, and behavior based on the social setting, is a survival skill in today’s world.

Your child needs to understand that how they talk and joke with their friends is not how they should speak to a teacher, employer, or elder. The way they conduct themselves at a family gathering is different from how they should behave in a professional setting. Self-expression is great, but situational awareness is key.

I’ve worked with teenagers who struggled with this because no one ever taught them that different environments require different versions of themselves. Some kids assume they can bring the same casual, slang-heavy, or overly familiar energy they use with friends into the workplace, which can hurt their opportunities.

By making this a normal part of their upbringing, you equip them with a skill that will serve them for life.

Good Manners Are Social Currency. Manners might seem old-fashioned to some, but they remain one of the most powerful social tools a person can have.

A child who learns early on how to be polite, respectful, and considerate will make a strong impression on adults and authority figures, be more likely to receive help and mentorship, navigate professional and personal relationships with ease.

I’ve seen firsthand how small acts of politeness—saying “please” and “thank you,” holding the door for someone, writing a thank-you note—can open doors for kids and teens. Many adults take notice when a young person carries themselves with respect and dignity, and these impressions often translate into opportunities.

Raising a child who understands the value of kindness and respect gives them a distinct advantage.

I’ve had the privilege of working with children across various age groups, and I can say with certainty that the most adaptable children and young adults are the ones whose parents are intentional about these lessons. The world is always changing, but the fundamental skills that help children thrive remain the same.

So, keep leading by example, keep having those important conversations, and trust that the lessons you instill today will serve your child well for a lifetime.