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I sat on the Q train heading to work from my early morning math class. I get about half an hour to relax my mind before I get to work, so I either reflect on the things I can do to improve my life or blank out from my lack of sleep since July 2015 . Today, I was blasting some of my newly discovered musical artists, and I let my mind drift. As a mother of daughters, the universe gave me major blessings , because it knew all my life experience and wisdom could be passed down to my girls. Growing up, I have always had a very close relationship with my mother. She passed on so much wisdom to me , and one of the more important gems she passed on was learn to let people go, in her thick St. Lucian accent. At the time, I thought the advice was not exactly comforting, considering what I was going through. I was a teenager after all. I come from a culture where people are not too keen on mincing words, so her words may not always be what I wanted to hear at the time, but it was really what I needed. She jolts me back to reality during difficult circumstances even though all I want to do is sulk and be miserable for a couple of minutes. Sometimes, she is a little too much of an optimist I might say. Nonetheless, she simply wanted me to understand that everything and everyone has a season. It was up to me to determine how long the season would last . Even though I have always had a strong sense of self from a young age, her advice alone wasn’t enough. This was a lesson I could only learn through life experience and a journey could not avoid. One of the foundational elements of learning to let go—whether they left or you left—is knowing your self-worth. A breakup is always difficult, but you need to eventually see the opportunity you’ve been given when a partner or friend leaves. You go through the stages of grief quite like when a loved one passes away. Getting to acceptance can be long and hard, but being thankful for the time spent together and the lessons learned is genuinely one of the most healing parts of this process. You may not see it, but the universe may have done you a favor. When the school of life is your teacher, you cannot always predict the timing of these lessons and the severity of its impact. What you do have control of is your response to it. - Christopher Walken As time goes on, you can clearly define your expectations from others in a way that may even surprise you, but leaves you feeling more fulfilled. You gain a greater sense of what you're worth. Another important aspect I needed to learn on my own is certain people attract the brokenness in others. There tends to be the assumption that you attract what you give, but that is not necessarily always the case. Opposites attract for a reason, but you need to know, it is not your job to fix a broken person, because it eventually either depletes you or breaks you. It is these experiences that enhance who we are as people, because without adversity, what is there to learn? There are some lessons I wish I had been taught early on, like feeling comfortable articulating boundaries, learning to identify behaviors and personalities that can lead to toxic relationships, and learning to trust my gut a bit more, because not everyone deserves a seat at the table of your life. (Photo from Canva)

Weekends are for baking in my house and one thing I always have an excess of, is ripe bananas. Once they get to overripe, it’s banana bread time and we all love banana bread in our house. This is one baked good that never goes to waste. We make them into muffins or a full loaf. This is the only recipe I use when making banana bread. I got this banana bread recipe from Allrecipes.com and I make occasional tweaks which I will include. Ingredients 2 cups all purpose flour 1 teaspoon baking soda 1/4 teaspoon salt 1/2 cup butter 3/4 cup brown sugar 2 eggs beaten 2 1/3 cups mashed overripe bananas 1/3 cup rolled oats (optional) Directions Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Lightly grease a 9×5 inch loaf pan . In a large bowl , combine flour, baking soda and salt. In a separate bowl, cream together butter and brown sugar. Stir in eggs and mashed bananas until well blended. Stir banana mixture into flour mixture; stir just to moisten. Pour batter into prepared loaf pan. Top with rolled oats. For a loaf bake in preheated oven for 60 to 65 minutes, until a toothpick inserted into center of the loaf comes out clean. Let bread cool in pan for 10 minutes, then turn out onto a wire rack . For muffins, the batter can make 12 to 16 muffins. Bake for 25 to 30 minutes. Enjoy. Photo by Natalie/ Super Healthy Kids

About four years ago, I concocted a sugar free, matcha green tea latte cupcake recipe while my kids slept soundly. I needed something to focus on, other than keeping two people alive, so rather than take a nap like a normal parent, I decided to go slap around some sugar, eggs, flour and butter. Here is the end result of my neurosis. Matcha Latte Cupcakes: Cook Time: 18 minutes Yields: 12-14 regular cupcakes Ingredients 1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, room temperature 1/2 cup honey 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract 2 large eggs, room temperature 1 1/4 cups flour 1/4 cup matcha green tea latte mix 2 teaspoons baking powder 1/2 cup whole milk, room temperature For the frosting: From  All Recipes 2 3/4 cup confectioners sugar 6 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder 6 tablespoons butter 5 tablespoons evaporated milk 1 tablespoon vanilla extract Instructions Preheat the oven to 350 degrees and prepare one cupcake tin with liners. In the bowl of a stand mixer or a large mixing bowl, cream the butter and honey on a medium speed. Scrape the sides of the bowl, and add the eggs one at a time, beating in low until combined. Mix in the vanilla extract. This mixture will be very runny. In a separate bowl, combine the flour, matcha green tea latte mix, and baking powder. Stir on low until combined. Scrape the sides of the bowl. Scoop out mixture to fill the liners with about 2/3 mixture. Place in the center of the oven. When done allow the cupcakes to cool. For the frosting: To prepare the frosting, cream the butter in the bowl of a stand mixer. Add the confectioner's sugar, cocoa powder, and vanilla extract and mix on low. Add the evaporated milk a tablespoon at a time until incorporated. Increase the speed to medium until smooth and creamy. You can throw on some chocolate ganache if you’re in the mood, but they can stand on their own. Happy Tuesday. Give these cupcakes a shot and tell me what you think. Cheers.

Potatoes will always stand tall in my book. Fry it, boil it, bake it, mash it, scallop it, roast it; no matter how potatoes are made, I will enjoy it. We eat potatoes at my house at least once every week and we enjoy it, so when there is left over mash, I look forward to indulging for breakfast. Here is a quick go to breakfast recipe with mashed potatoes. Ingredients Left over mashed potatoes Baked beans (optional) Sunny side egg Avocados Salt Pepper Old Bay seasoning Then layer as you would like and enjoy. Enjoy in bed for more comfort.

Show yourself grace and ask for discernment. The last week has been rough for a myriad of reasons, one of which includes the burial of my grandfather. With his passing, I have been in a place of deep contemplation and reflection, because death tends to have that effect on me. Since I could not make it to his funeral, I was able to view live on YouTube—thanks to modern technology. My uncle got up to the pulpit of the Roman Catholic Church where I did my First Communion, and gave a great eulogy about his deceased father. He said that my grandfather was a true master of many crafts and that he was able to provide for his family having never worked for another individual. He emphasized the importance of family to my grandfather and how all his efforts were directed to the well-being of his family. I felt like he was speaking and pouring into my soul, because over the last few months, I have been thinking about the direction of my career.   It seemed like I was searching for an answer and guidance and he provided it for me. In that moment, I also thought of my own father, his son, who always worked for himself. You see, I come from a paternal bloodline of very ambitious and creative individuals. What I have learned from them, is to go after what you want in this life. If you have been contemplating starting a business, have started one that hasn't generated much income, or have an established business that you are starting to question its purpose, I implore you to start asking your "Why?"  Examine whether the answer that once inspired, motivated, and carried you is the same answer. If not, how has it changed and are you prepared to make the necessary changes to get you on the path that you're seeking? I am a strong believer in knowing when to give up. Giving up on something is okay, especially when you are certain it is the right move for you. It is also okay to persevere for a dream, especially one that has lived within you for a long time. As you go into the beginning of your week, I say go with faith and with God (or whomever or whatever you believe in). We all at the end of the day answer to ourselves at some point, and I hope your answer will always be, "I gave it my all." Share moments in your life when you felt giving up was the best call or when you persevered. (Photo by Diane Simumpande)

On the Staten Island Ferry Weekends are for family, so what are your plans for this weekend? It’s late fall, but I am still thinking of our summer adventures. The irony is that summer is my least favorite season, but with two children, it has become so much more fun. Having a daughter with severe motion sickness restricted us to the boroughs so here are a few of our summer adventures in NYC. Trekking to the Staten Island Zoo on the Staten Island Ferry . If you haven’t been, it’s worth it. It has its own aura that feels peaceful and truly family-oriented. Brooklyn Children’s Museum . One of my daughters’ favorite places to go all year round. A visit to Coney Island. She went on almost every ride at Deno’s Wonder Wheel Amusement Park . For a kid with severe car sickness, I was amazed how excited she was to try almost every ride. A ferry ride to dumbo that included ice cream from Brooklyn Ice Cream Factory and a not so successful attempt to get on Jane’s Carousel —it was a royal shit show. Our first baseball game at Yankee Stadium . The Medieval Festival at Fort Tyron Park with a visit to The Met Cloisters . And the most frequent of all, visits to our neighborhood park almost every day, rain or shine. I miss summer as we plan for a more relatively chill weekend. It’s looking like a museum kind of day tomorrow with a visit to Nana’s house on Sunday. What did your summer look like?

Women of today have more responsibilities than ever, and we’re expected to excel in every role. This is just not realistically possible. We are expected to be great wives or girlfriends, great employees, and a support system to friends and family. And that’s while practicing self-care , mindfulness, and still being able to make time for that Saturday brunch and outings to show that we haven’t completely lost ourselves. Now, if we choose to become mothers, the strain of it all is further compounded . Many of us are the primary caretakers for the children, maintain the household, the family schedule, and work outside the home. All we pray for is a fifteen-minute nap that our toddlers won’t let us have, because someone needs a third cup of chocolate milk. Forget about the ability to use the bathroom alone without someone trying to bulldoze the door. You will not have that peace for a couple of years. I understand that all these things are part of being a member of a family, community, and society, but there is a clear imbalance of emotional labor and responsibilities inside and outside the home , weighing heaviest on women. This puts us at a disadvantage and leaves us to carry the brunt of the work. It also increases the risk for mental health issues, because women were never meant to do this much labor alone. Unfortunately in many homes, while dad is resting after his day job, mom is running circles around him after her long day out in the workforce and coming home to fulfill almost all the responsibilities of taking care of her family. These are the moments when I get a burning desire to scream “Fire,” just so that I can snuff the enjoyment out of his rest. I want to draw attention to the fact that he can stop dreaming about whatever is making him smile and extend some help. Then, we have to deal with the Judgmental Judys who always need to comment about other people’s personal parental choices. They question our choice between breast milk or formula. They judge whether we choose to be medicated or unmediated during childbirth—I mean the list goes on and on. Okay Judgy Judy , you should be happy that I fed the kid or that it came out healthy but nooooo, you need to tell me about all the developmental issues that people who don’t breastfeed or people who labor medicated can cause their children. Then we have the single-married moms . Quite the oxymoron, but it is a real status that so many women go through resulting in resentment, anger, and sometimes depression. It would almost feel better to be a single parent , rather than lugging dead weight or feeling that you’re you’re mothering someone who isn’t your child. This can sometimes be repaired if the work is put in by both individuals to change the dynamics, but sometimes there is no room for that to happen and decisions need to be made . Some days, I am so fatigued that I would love to let my kids eat Joe’s Os and cereal bars, but my guilt will not let me get away with it. Even though I know that one day without a super healthy breakfast would not harm them, I never do it. As the person who is primarily responsible for my children’s welfare, it seems I am the only one focused on maintaining healthy habits. Why is it typically moms who care about these things? There has to be more support for women from partners. I am aware that some women are fortunate to have men who hold up their end of this partnership, but for the most part, many women are not so fortunate. Thankfully, there is a massive shift happening where women are exposing the behavior, excuses, and weaponized incompetence of partners to have the important conversations. They are also educating young women and encouraging them to ask the tough questions that can prevent future heartbreak if all parties are honest. So to anyone overwhelmed by motherhood, work, and friendships among so many other things, know you are not alone. I had a good cry in the bathroom at work three days ago, took a mental health day yesterday, and I am now ready to go back to work. Let it out ladies. Have an ugly cry if you need to, take a couple of breaths and hopefully, you find comfort in conversation with a friend or professional therapist. Try to get a fifteen-minute nap and get yourself a snack. (Photo, Getty Images)

One morning when my older daughter was 5, I walked into the bathroom to help her put toothpaste on her toothbrush. She looked at me with her big brown eyes ready to ask a question. For about two weeks at that point, she has been talking and asking a lot about marriage, getting older and being a mummy or daddy. A few days prior, she said “I can’t wait to be six so that I can get married.” I said, “We’ll wait a while after six years old,” doing my best to contain my laughter. That particular morning’s question was, “Is Scar going to be a mummy when she grows up?” I responded, “If Scar wants to be a mummy, she can be a mummy.” Then she asked if her friend is going to be a daddy. I told her, “Only if he decides he wants to be a daddy.” Not too long after saying these words, I realized that I was normalizing choice over an imposition. Rather than simply saying, “Girls become mommies and boys become daddies,” I laid the groundwork for my daughter to know that she has a choice in her life. My only expectations for my children are that they are respectful, kind to themselves and others, they love themselves, have curious minds and have a love of learning. I don’t expect grandchildren. I don’t expect a specific profession, because I will not live vicariously through my children. I simply want that whatever they pursue in life, they love it. I want my children to look forward to family gatherings, rather than avoid them due to question like when are they getting married or having babies. That kind of pressure is insane and is possibly the cause of so many poor choices, just to fit into an ideal or expectation. It’s difficult to change mindsets, but let’s start normalizing responses like, “If he or she wants to, he or she will....” This sets the right tone for young minds. Be a daddy or mummy if you want to, not because someone else or the world expects you to.

With the eventful week and a visit from mom, we plan on taking it easy. I put together a pool day for my girls and some of their classmates. I am doing my best to foster relationships with their new friends, considering that this move has been a lot on us all. Dad asked about the plans for tomorrow. He also asked "How come you're the one always putting effort to invite others?' I answered that a few parents have made the effort to invite us, so I will make the effort. I have also had one or two parents who I have extended invitations to and gotten no response. This comes with the territory of making friendships. I expect no less. I reminded him that I do it for them. I also use these as teachable moments for my children. One day, my younger daughter came home with a note from her friend with the number to both her parents so that they can arrange a play date. My daughter gave her classmate the impression that we were moving. Kids! They make up stories from small pieces of information. So I decided to reach out to the mom. The message was brief. I stated the move was a misunderstanding, but I would like to arrange a play date soon. The response was, "Ok!! That's great to hear. I'll let her know." I informed my daughter that I reached out to her friend's mom and I haven't heard back. I circled back to my daughter and said that sometimes when making new friends, people may not receive us the way we want and that is okay. We will eventually find our people. As the adult, I also know that we all live our own lives with our own problems. It is okay to cut people some slack and show them grace. I plan to continue doing just that and have fun with the beautiful people who show up for us. Looking forward to finding our people and having fun with our new friends tomorrow. I wish you a great weekend with people who want to show up for and with you.

I was having a conversation with an old friend who expressed how blessed he feels to be able to travel all over the world. I absolutely love when people reap the benefits of their labor and get to live out their wildest dreams. It is beautiful and should be celebrated. I also know that blessings are not just the positive physical manifestations of our goals. So I responded that I am happy that he has had these amazing experiences. I also noted that being able to travel the world is not simply a blessing, but having the means and ability to do so . A few years ago, I had a similar conversation with another friend who mentioned that if someone doesn’t have a passport, it’s because they’re not putting in the effort to explore and adjust their life. I initially took it as a joke and said, we both come from a small island and not everyone has the means to do so. I also said, “You’re making that [insert company name] money.” He took offense to me stating the obvious. It was like, how dare I state that he has more means to do so. It was baffling and I left that conversation there. We haven’t spoken since. A Cliché I have noticed the word blessed has become such a cultural cliché for every successful moment in life and nowhere is it more apparent than on social media. A simple search of #blessed results in millions of tags that will leave you bewildered. It has been attached to everything from gaining that great summer body, to a vacation, a new house or job, a new car, and everything in between. We have conflated success or positive outcomes with being blessed , so these #blessed posts come off as reductive and materialistic, deviating from the authentic meaning of being blessed. This is the moment when I asked myself “ Do people really understand what it means to be blessed?” Blessings aren’t always visible nor do they always bring joy. Blessings in the Awful In The Lives We Actually Have: 100 Blessings for Imperfect Days , by Kate Bowler and Jessica Richie, the language of blessings is described as “that strange mixture of awful and divine experiences in our lives.” Yes awful and divine . When we think of blessings, we tend to think of things we can see that invoke joy and contentment, but rarely do we think of the blessings that we cannot see or that bring discomfort. Blessings can emerge from painful events. It is not something that we tend to think of or like to discuss regarding blessings. These situations are not blessings in and of themselves, but are conduits for blessings in our lives. Sometimes awful situations are just awful, but sometimes they force us to pivot by confronting our limitations and learning a new way of thinking. Human beings are creatures of habit and don’t sometimes take things being shaken up to force us to walk into our blessings. You see, not getting that job or promotion can be a blessing, not getting in a relationship with that person can be a blessing, nand ot going to that particular event where chaos ensued is a blessing. Blessings aren’t always visible nor do they always emerge from a place of contentment and joy. It can follow adversity. It also solidifies the belief that what is meant for you will be for you . Blessings in the Ordinary We observe or hear of the lives of others and may want to live vicariously through them. In aspiring for these extraordinary experiences, we overlook the simple yet profound blessings in our everyday lives. These small moments of joy, peace, and connection are the threads that weave together a well-lived life. Recognizing and appreciating the blessings in the ordinary can transform our perspective, filling our days with gratitude and contentment. “Enjoy the little things in life, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.” — Robert Brault There is so much to appreciate in our day-to-day, mundane lives. It holds a certain sacredness that far too often we miss out on. Being present and finding beauty in the simple things are attributes of blessings. You may not be able to hop on a flight every couple of months, or attend those amazing parties and have the amazing home that you see on full display, but you can be grateful and bask in having a supportive and loving partner, a family that loves and respects you, children who make you proud among other things. Your ordinary life is a blessing. There are also the simpler things like having a cup of coffee or tea that doesn’t have to be reheated five times, a lazy morning in bed alone or with the one you love, a walk through nature, the sound of soothing raindrops against your window pane. The list can go on. The ordinary moments of our lives are filled with extraordinary blessings waiting to be acknowledged. Let’s take the time to appreciate the blessings in the ordinary, for they are the true treasures of our everyday existence. Top photo Prateek Gautam/Unsplash