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For a long time, my apartment didn’t feel like home. I have lived here for about a decade, and it’s a great space, but for some reason, I could not find my sweet spot. It started with two of us, expanded to four at its highest and went to three. It wasn’t because my home is only a little over 400 square feet, or that I still do not like the carpet after all these years. I realized that making a few simple changes helped me appreciate the gem that I have.   If you’re experiencing a similar feeling of your house not feeling like home, here are 7 ways to help bring in the positive energy that you want. 1. Find your style and build on it To create a more comfortable and cohesive space—whatever that means to you—it is really important to know your style. Otherwise, you’re just buying things to fill in the space, and not because it matches your style. Start by getting inspired. All designers are inspired by something or someone. Whether you start from scratch or continue what you’ve started it’s all about creating the atmosphere that you’re most comfortable in. I used the Havenly “ Find Your Style ” questionnaire which is a great resource and you don’t have to sign up for any services. 2. Send someone packing Oops!! Did I really say that? Yes I did. There is nothing worse than horrible energy in your home. It is quite unbearable to live with someone whose energy just negatively shifts everything. When you dread coming home, this is the sign that either you have to send someone packing or you need to pack and leave yourself. Leaving may be the only solution on the path to peace, even though change can be hard. 3. Rearrange furniture and storage Sometimes, all it takes is changing furniture around. The position of your furniture makes such a major difference in the appearance of a room and the flow of energy in that space. Moving your bed or the couch can help it feel more inviting and less cramped than it used to be. I’m not extremely into Feng Shui , but I think some of the basic principles are extremely useful in that it provides guidelines on how to create balance. I think that is what we all strive for in many respects. 4. Declutter My favorite thing in the entire world is decluttering. I will lose sleep over it, which is a subject for another day, but I believe in keeping things that I need, that spark joy and have meaningful memories. “No clutter in my home, no clutter in my heart, no clutter in my mind,”  are my organization and wellness motto. The process of cleansing and purging is therapeutic in so many ways, but it is such an emotional process for people who find it hard to let go of things. If you can’t do it on your own, seek the help of a family member, friend or professional organizer. It truly opens your eyes to the amount of stuff that we keep around us that should not be taking up space in our lives. Go ahead sis and throw away that picture of you and that ex from five years ago. You’ll thank me for it. 5. Find your signature scent Finding a signature scent can be another enticing way to create good energy. Our olfactory nerves are powerful in that a scent arouses emotions and memories. When you pick a scent for your home, you teach the brain to recognize the calm and warmth of being in the safe space. As you walk through the door, it should feel like a gentle hug and squeeze from someone you love. 6. Get some plants and/or flowers I am a plant mom to about twenty plants right now and I want to save every plant from the confines of a store, but I don’t have enough money or space. I encourage that if you don’t have any houseplants, start now. There are so many benefits to having indoor plants . Flowers also do a fantastic job of uplifting a room. So go ahead and rescue some flowers and plants from their temporary homes. Take them out of foster care and give them a happy place, because they will add to your joy. Whatever you’re into, I recommend that you truly enjoy its presence. 7. Change your wall art Displaying artwork can create a feeling of warmth and positivity. Take your time with this one. Careful planning and proper display of wall art may take some time. The placement is important and should tie in with the overall atmosphere that you’re hoping to achieve. Again, seek inspiration and do a trial run before placing them. Once it is all figured out and done, sit back and relax. You did it. Keep working on shifting the energy in your home and maintaining positivity. You deserve a place that radiates with calm and peace always. What are your tips for shifting the energy in your home?

It was Saturday. I was cranky and every inch of my body ached. She knocked on my door and said “Mom, come see this.” I wasn’t too excited to get up from resting my aching muscles, but I did. She walked me to the kitchen. She said, “Today is Mom Day, look.” She pointed to the calendar white board where she wrote in with a dry eraser “Mom Day.” Bless her heart for having the sense to use the right marker. It was the cutest thing ever. Liv also handed me a card that she made for me. She is always so thoughtful that sometimes I can’t help but hold and squeeze her. Saturday was declared my day off by Liv and I was sent away to rest on my bed. She insisted. How did I birth such an amazing human? I know, but I don’t want to toot my own horn. What are some of the sweetest things that your child/children have done for you?

For much of this week, I have been under the weather. It peaked today and I am trying to take all the vitamin C, elderberry and tea that I can handle. It’s an uphill battle and a feeling that I hope to be rid of by the end of the weekend. One of my focuses over the weekend is to create a blog post calendar that allows me to create more meaningful content that carries the themes I would like to discuss. With that said, I am working on being more vulnerable with you my readers, because I feel that I will create better content that way. This week, I rediscovered my Fitbit and read a great post by Mindi Masters 8 Steps to Reaching Your Wellness Potential . I have to say I used to be resistant to such devices, but it really has been a great addition to my wellness and wellbeing. I am able to see how I am doing on my sleep. I now do about four of the two to five minute breathing exercises per day. I am more conscious of centering my energy and really creating a calm and more peaceful feeling within myself. To help my body feel better and to even sleep, I have been doing the 15 minute Beginner Flexibility Routine from Tom Merrick. Also, the most healing video I have found lately that for anxiety that usually leaves me in tears is the Goodful 10-Minute Meditation for Anxiety . It is so soul cleansing that even if you don’t suffer from anxiety, it will help. After stretching and meditating, it’s a perfect time to put your feelings on paper. I find that things flow more easily after a good stretch and some meditation. Make use of that notebook or journal that has just sat in that back corner. Let’s all grab 2021 by the horns and really take charge of our physical, mental and emotional wellness. Please share! What are your wellness activities for the weekend?

I found out I was pregnant a few days before a trip to St.Lucia. I hadn’t been back to my home country in over ten years and I was excited to once again stand on the land that I once called home. It took three positive tests for me to believe that it was real. What an amazing send off! My then husband and I had been trying for almost a year. I saw my gynecologist before we decided to start trying to conceive and he confirmed that everything looked great. When we found out we were pregnant, we were about to hit that one year mark that would require another visit to his office to answer the question of what may be wrong. Apparently, nothing was wrong. It was just timing I guess. When I landed in St.Lucia, everything was fine. I was ready to take part in all the holiday activities and have a blast, but that came to a screeching halt about half way into my eight day vacation. I began spotting and I was terrified. I kept an eye on the bleeding as I counted down the days until I returned home. I knew that spotting could occur in the first trimester of a pregnancy, but that didn’t take away the worry at all. I was ready to go home. As soon as I landed at the airport, it was a mad dash to the hospital. I arrived at night and it was pouring rain. Thankfully, I live near one and I was able to go in and be seen quickly. It was discovered that that I had a subchorionic hematoma . Most women who do experience a subchorionic hematoma do go on to have normal pregnancies. I was scared, but all I could do was wait for it to heal and pray that I would not lose my little one. At that time, I was working a temp position that was supposed to lead to something permanent. I was making a career change from child care to working for a huge corporation. At almost three months into my pregnancy, I was due for a performance assessment, and was informed that the company was looking to put me in a role that would be beneficial to my long term goals. I was excited that they were pleased with my contribution and I was really looking forward to being there long-term. Shortly after my first trimester passed, anyone who knew me could see I was pregnant. I also experienced significant fatigue and it may have been visible to some, in spite of my attempt to create a facade. I figured since I was showing, I would inform my superior—a woman at that— of the news. That may have been a ridiculous mistake on my part, because by the end of that week, I was told I was no longer needed. Yes. I was informed I was no longer needed since it was the end of the contract. It went from, we would love to keep you, to we no longer need you, right after I broke the news. I think in an attempt to correct her mistake and possibly out of fear that I may take legal action—which I had no plans on doing—she arranged an interview with another hospital branch. It was a great opportunity and I thrived there. Unfortunately, the position was short-lived. While at the new position, I developed pregnancy induced hypothyroidism . I was taking medication for it and kept thinking, nothing else could possibly go wrong. Well, boy was I wrong. I went to one of my regularly scheduled appointments, and after the sonogram, while I sat alone in the doctor’s office, she said, “Today is your last day of work.” She pretty much stated if I wanted to get to full term, I would have to stop working, because as it turns out I had an incompetent cervix . She explained to me what it was, and the course of treatments that we could undertake. I was given a prescription for progesterone suppositories and I was obligated to be on bed rest till the end of my pregnancy. That would be the last day I worked at that position. There were signs of cervical insufficiency that included an immense amount of pressure on my cervix and pelvis. Every time I walked, it felt like I was going to give birth. Having someone say you are confined to a bed for the next four months, even for life saving reasons is nothing short of devastating. I am used to working, and to be home all this time made me depressed in the beginning. I spent only a few minutes at a time on my feet, which included getting food in the kitchen and personal care. I eventually got used to the monotony of my life. Another major pitfall was the loss of income, because I planned on working till eight months into the pregnancy. Unless you’re worth a couple hundred thousand dollars or more, living in a city like NYC, a setback like that becomes costly very quickly. We managed, but it was difficult to lose my stream of income with a baby on the way. In addition, any kind of intimacy went out the window for the fear of me going into preterm labor . Right at my twenty first week, things got worse. At that point I was attending appointments once a week. After a sonogram, I was told that I was going into preterm labor . I had no idea it was even happening. The suppositories apparently did not work, nor did the bed rest. I had to check in immediately to the hospital nearby where I was monitored overnight and scheduled for a cerclage in the morning. On an early March morning, at 2 cm dilated, I had my cervix stitched closed to help me make it to the end of the pregnancy. I was honestly at that point of being emotionally and physically drained. I felt trapped and I wanted out, even though I knew there was nothing more I wanted than my daughter in my arms. When I left the hospital, things felt better, since I knew there was almost no chance of me going into labor. I was still obligated to be on bed rest. I decided to enjoy the time that I got to rest and prepare for her arrival. At, 36 week, my cerclage was removed and a few days later, I went into labor. My daughter’s heart rate was decreasing and my blood pressure spiked, so an emergency c-section was needed. She was born a healthy baby in spite of all the hurdles I faced. I was so grateful for the outcome due to a great team of doctors and nurses. Experiencing such a difficult first pregnancy made me so grateful for my second, because it felt like a breeze. I was still always waiting for the ball to drop, but nothing catastrophic happened. As much as my doctor was concerned, because of my pregnancy history, nothing went wrong. I had not one single issue with my second child and I was so ecstatic. I had a successful VBAC (Vaginal birth after cesarean) , and here I am a mother of two happy and healthy children. I feel grateful. If you’ve had a similar experience of a difficult pregnancy, I would love to hear!

Challenges are a rite of passage that no one can escape. We all have our crosses to bear, and that usually means that we need healing at some point in our lives. It doesn’t matter how wealthy or beautiful you are, dealing with life’s hardships are never easy. Here are some healing quotes that honor your challenges and your healing.

As the temperature dips, the hot tea and cocoa will be in heavy rotation at my house. This week I have been recovering from a stiff neck, partially caused by my girls jumping into bed with me and throw my body into the weirdest, uncomfortable positions. Welcome to sharing your bed with your kids. It’s the worst no matter how much you love them. Last night I had a mini pandemic meltdown that I shared with my Instagram followers. I needed to sulk for a moment, because I am hitting the pandemic wall. I’m an introverted homebody, but we’ve been at this for almost a year. I don’t see us getting back to normal anytime soon. If you read anything this weekend, please read anything from Banter Republic . If I need a pick me up, a laugh or something thought provoking, he comes through with all of it. Don’t Stop is the latest post and once you start there, you won’t be able to stop. You will want more. I also finally ordered my daughter that Elsa costume she has been asking for. I totally forgot to order it and pretended it may have been lost in the mail. Welcome to parenthood. And as for the conversation about smooth hair like Elsa, we shut that down. You’re a beautiful, curly haired Elsa. Elsa doesn’t have to look one way. I am still reading The Body Is Not An Apology: The Power of Radical Self-Love by Sonya Reese Taylor. I hope to finish it very soon. Be sure to read Big Girls Need a Cry , and for some healing affirmations, dive into 10 Quotes to Honor Your Healing . It’s been a proper freezing day, and the weekend will be the same, so stay warm. What are your weekend plans?

It’s the first day of February and a nor’easter has made landfall in NYC. The city is a blanket of snow. Heavy snow and strong winds set the stage for weather that is perfect for staying indoor even more than we already are, and warm up, until the winds subside. To stave off boredom in any snowstorm, here is a list of things you can do. 1. Make some comfort food. Anything that takes you back to your childhood is a great option. Whether it’s a family recipe passed down for generations or one of your own creations, just make it happen in the kitchen. Your stomach will thank you. 2. Play some of your favorite board games. Get a game you have not played in forever and get your mojo back. It’s the perfect day. 3. Make homemade popcorn while enjoying a movie marathon. Whether you’re into romantic comedies (romcom), comedy, action, etc., hunker down and enjoy at least two movies. 4. Have a dance party with your favorite tunes. Grab your partner and/or your kids and liven up the spirit. A snow day is a fun day. Move those hips and get a great workout from it. Make it pajama or robe day. You can’t beat comfy clothes. 5. Perform some karaoke music. I think everyone likes karaoke. That’s my biased opinion. Have everyone pick a song or two starting from the youngest to the oldest or the opposite and see who can belt out their favorite tunes. 6. Read a book. I mean an actual book. Not an ebook. This a great opportunity for some quiet time. Everyone needs to grab a book and get to reading. 7. Take a nice long nap. If you’ve been losing out on sleep, what a great time to catch up if you’re not working. A power nap does wonders, but a nice long nap is heavenly. 8. Make some baked goods. Cookies, banana bread, cupcakes, bread, or anything you can think of. If you’re not a baker, try your hand at baking. Baking is science you can eat. There will always be a great reward at the end. 9. Start a hobby. YouTube is a great resource. You might be an expert by the end of the day. The plethora of things that you can learn is endless, so get to “YouTubing.” You might be a graduate of you tube university very soon. 10. Work on a vision board. Manifestations the life you envision. Seeing your goals and aspirations in front of you have a way of advancing them if you’re really focused on that. Plus it’s fun creating a collage or writing down your dreams, especially the ones that scare you. 11. Make hot cocoa or indulge in some coffee. Put your barista skills to work or just make something to keep your insides warm. 12. Have some intimate time. Cuddle, snuggle, or have sex. However you chose to convey your love to your partner if they happen to be home, enjoy it. 13. Drink some wine. Open a bottle of some good wine. Considering we’ve been confined to our homes, what better place to take a couple sips. 14. Call friends or family. No texting. Like a real conversation where you hear their voices. It’s just good to check on the people you love at this time. They can lie through texts, but their voices can give a truer picture. 15. Throw something in the slow cooker . and engage in another activity. Why waste time slaving over a stove if cooking is not your thing? Make a great soup with little effort. Done and done. 16. Invite a neighbor over for coffee or cocoa. If you have a great neighbor, invite him/her/them over and have some great conversation over a piping hot cup of something. It might turn out into something beautiful. 17. Delete the unnecessary photos in your phone for more space. Who has ever gone to take a photo and gotten the message of no more storage? I know I have. Why not clear that up and back up with a cloud service or flash drive, and capture more memories. 18. When the wind subsides, go sledding. Take the kids out sledding if you have any. If it’s just you, a partner or friends, still get out there. It’s so much fun to be a kid again. 19. Join a social group online . Meet people who share common interests. Maybe you’re missing human interaction or you want to learn a new skill. What better way than to interact with people who motivate you. 20. Create a home spa. Yes and yes to this. Take a nice long bath. Allow your body just release all the stress of the new year and really cleanse yourself of it. Add some candles or grab a good book. Just get in there and relax. I hope you make best of every snow day and welcome to a new month.

Weekends are for baking in my house and one thing I always have an excess of, is ripe bananas. Once they get to overripe, it’s banana bread time and we all love banana bread in our house. This is one baked good that never goes to waste. We make them into muffins or a full loaf. This is the only recipe I use when making banana bread. I got this banana bread recipe from Allrecipes.com and I make occasional tweaks which I will include. Banana Bread Recipe You’ll need: 2 cups all purpose flour 1 teaspoon baking soda 1/4 teaspoon salt 1/2 cup butter 3/4 cup brown sugar 2 eggs beaten 2 1/3 cups mashed overripe bananas 1/3 cup rolled oats (optional) Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Lightly grease a 9×5 inch loaf pan . In a large bowl , combine flour, baking soda and salt. In a separate bowl, cream together butter and brown sugar. Stir in eggs and mashed bananas until well blended. Stir banana mixture into flour mixture; stir just to moisten. Pour batter into prepared loaf pan. Top with rolled oats. For a loaf bake in preheated oven for 60 to 65 minutes, until a toothpick inserted into center of the loaf comes out clean. Let bread cool in pan for 10 minutes, then turn out onto a wire rack . For muffins, the batter can make 12 to 16 muffins. Bake for 25 to 30 minutes. Enjoy. Photo by Natalie/ Super Healthy Kids

I fell into the abyss of Instagram on one tragic night and I came across an illustration that made me feel so visible. It depicted a struggle that I have been working on for several months. Not only did it describe what I had been doing for several years now, but there is an actual word for it. It’s called revenge bedtime procrastination . It sounds so unfortunate with revenge in there, but it is really the most liberating feeling when it is happening even though there are so many downsides to this behavior. Revenge bedtime procrastination also known as retaliatory staying up late is described by journalist Daphne K. Lee as the phenomenon where “ people who don’t have much control over their daytime life refuse to sleep early in order to regain some sense of freedom during late-night hours .” It is an attempt by individuals to feel some semblance of control of their time. Before the pandemic, I would be up by 5a.m. getting two children and myself ready for work and school and out the door by 7a.m. We’d get the train to Manhattan, where I would drop them off and either walk to class close by or take another train back to Brooklyn, depending on the schedule that day. Every day I was working and in class, so I was on the train at least three times before heading to pick up my children, and then back home to Brooklyn. I get home and it’s dinner, baths, dishes, lunch preparation and homework. And I still had to be someone’s wife. There was no time to breathe. Regardless of my strenuous schedule, I still found time to engage in revenge bedtime procrastination, even though it meant I was losing sleep. I hardly ever made it to bed before 12a.m, and I had to be up by 5a.m. I craved that time to myself at the end of a long day, especially when I felt like I had been driven like a mule. Revenge bedtime procrastination can easily go for thirty minutes, to an hour, two hours, and pretty soon, sleep begins to feel like it no longer matters. It can quickly get out of control to the point that this becomes a practice several nights a week. It eventually becomes draining. It leaves your mind and body depleted, but there is still always that desire to escape. This really fuels the behavior, even though you know it is detrimental. The need for control and freedom surpasses the need for sleep . It feels like every part of your day belongs to everyone else, but you. So at night, you take back the control that you have freely given to everyone else. It feels almost euphoric in the moment. But then comes the massive downside; you’re losing sleep and if that continues, your health suffers. Revenge bedtime procrastination feels good in the moment, but engaging in the behavior only harms you. If itcontinues long-term, there are truly detrimental effects on a person’s physical and mental wellness. The Phillips Global Sleep Study “ showed that 62% of adults worldwide feel they don’t get enough sleep, averaging 6.8 hours on a weeknight compared to the recommended amount of eight hours. ” Lack of sleep is truly a global crisis” and long-term sleep deprivation is harmful in every way. For this reason, long term sleep deprivation is a pathway to poor health. As liberating as it feels to just grab some time to yourself, it is important to manage the amount of time spent engaging in whatever activity brings you comfort and gives you that control. The saying I’ll sleep when I die is indeed the most toxic belief that one can exercise, because in actuality, not sleeping can lead to an earlier death. That is truly the travesty of uncontrolled revenge bedtime procrastination. Today, declare that you are prepared to make changes for better sleep hygiene. Treat your body and mind like the temples that they are for a longer and more fulfilling life. How is revenge bedtime procrastination impacting you? Photo of graphic illustration by Erica Lewis/Instagram with explicit permission to use illustration

Well, I have tried my utmost best to shut that moment in time out of my mind to the point that I have forgotten the year. It may have been 2006 or 2007. My best friend and I stopped speaking to each other and it broke my heart. We were supposed to meet a classmate for dinner in Tribeca, NYC. We made arrangements to meet at an Indian restaurant opposite the Whole Foods on Greenwich Street. I tried my hardest to give the most detailed directions to get there. It proved to be very hard at the time for her, so she never made it to dinner. The phone call requesting for further directions was the last one we would have for another few years. You may be reading this and thinking. What?! What happened?! In all honesty nothing other than what I said to you. We were great friends. We have been friends from twelve years old; share birthdays a day apart, we talked about any and everything, we never argued, we anticipated each other’s thought, we were always thoughtful and respectful to each other. We showed each other kindness and concern, and this happened. I refused to call her and she did the same. I have to admit that I was going through a rough time in my then relationship. I was dating someone who wasn’t considerate of my feelings. I was getting tired. I was at a place where I felt I was trying to meet everyone half way and no one was making the effort for me. All of this had nothing to do with her. Not a single thing. All it would have required was a phone call, but instead it became a rift that lasted for years, because we were both too stubborn to reach out. As the years passed, I thought about the birthdays I missed and what she was doing. Was she dating someone new? Is she married? I hope everything is well with her family. I hope she is doing great. I never forgot my best friend even though it felt like we completely ghosted each other. I was supposed to be the godmother to her children and her to mine. I didn’t think we would ever get back into each other’s lives. Then one day, I opened up my messenger inbox and saw a message from her. My heart skipped a beat. I missed her so much and I was happy to see that she had thought of me over the years that we did not speak. We agreed to just put that rather tragic day aside and meet up with each other. It was a hot summer day when we decided to call a truce. She was wearing a boldly printed skirt and her hair was in a huge Afro. I can’t remember what I was wearing. We walked to each other and just hugged. We did not skip a beat. We talk like we had never lost that time. There was no anger or animosity, because the circumstances under which we stopped talking wasn’t major. There was no need to discuss anything, but rather make up for lost time. All I knew in that moment was I would never let this happen again. I felt silly that I had participated in letting this trivial incident cause us to lose so much time with each other. Nonetheless, it worked out fine. Two days ago, I sat in therapy, and came to a sad realization. As honest as I am in my friendships and relationships, I do not like confrontations. I would prefer to lose a friendship than have an extremely uncomfortable conversation where I am trying to convince someone to see things from my perspective, or to understand my thought process. It is deathly uncomfortable for me to the point that I would prefer to stay silent than speak up. This is why I lost my friendship. It wasn’t because of the misunderstanding, but rather that I refused to address a small problem. She was worth the argument, but at the time, I chose to disengage in a way that hurt us both. Aren’t I glad for the gift of time and healing?! The ability to reconnect and rebuild. I am so happy that I did not lose my best friend forever. We’re in such a great place as we have been for the last couple of years. What I do know is I will never let that happen again. I am older and wiser. I will confront the issue, have the uncomfortable conversation and move past it. Have you ever experienced a friendship break up?