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Hi! How is your week going? We are nearing the fall season and school has started for many kids. How are you dealing with the little and not so little ones returning to school? I won't apologize because I could not wait for the year to start. The summer was good, but I am happy to be back at what feels like my normal life. I also do quite enjoy having a paycheck, so being back at work as a substitute teacher has been great so far. At times, I think about my human resources salary, but do not miss the stressful environment, so I am staying in a place of gratitude. I am also so grateful for all the people who work at my children's school from the teachers, administrative/clerical employees, the janitor, the lunch aides, the subs and every other individual in between. With all the preparation for school, I managed two posts this week, Shut the World Out: How to Handle Your Child's Public Tantrum or Meltdown and What's Cooking Wednesday: Best Bread Recipe . As we wrap up this week, I just wanted to take a moment to wish you a fantastic weekend. It’s been a pleasure sharing these amazing parenting tips that I know have been helpful to me and could also help you, and a recipe for bread that you will never regret making. I hope you find them both engaging and valuable. It's supposed to be a rainy weekend here in the Capital District, but as a parent, I will be schlepping my daughter to soccer and enjoy a possible rainstorm. It will be a great time to step away from the hustle and bustle of daily life. So whether you’re planning to relax at home, catch up with friends, or explore new adventures, I hope you make the most of it. Sometimes, a little break is all we need to recharge and come back with fresh perspectives. Remember to take some time for yourself, and don’t forget to enjoy the little moments that make life special. Whether it’s savoring a good book, indulging in a favorite hobby, or simply unwinding, make sure to prioritize what brings you joy. Have a great weekend!

The school year has began and I hope you are getting into the swing of things. With the return to school comes so many responsibilities. Surviving the school year is not for the faint and requires establishing and maintaining effective habits. Without a doubt, this sets the tone for a productive year for both parents and children. Here are some essential habits that can help ensure a smooth and successful school year: Establish Consistent Routines . Routines provide a sense of stability and predictability. Set regular times for waking up, meals, homework, and bedtime. Consistent routines help children understand what to expect and can reduce stress and resistance. Tip: Create a visual schedule to help younger children follow the routine. Maintain Open Communication . Effective communication between parents, teachers, school nurses, other care takers and children is crucial. Keep an open line of dialogue with your child about their school day, and stay in touch with teachers to monitor progress and address any concerns early. Tip: Use a communication journal or app to track important updates and share feedback. Encourage a Growth Mindset . Promote a growth mindset by praising effort rather than just results. Encourage your child to see challenges as opportunities for learning and to persist through difficulties. This mindset can foster resilience and a love for learning. Tip: Celebrate small successes and discuss what can be learned from setbacks. Stay Organized . Keep track of important dates, assignments, and activities with a family calendar or planner. Organizational tools help manage everyone’s schedules and ensure that nothing is overlooked. Tip: Set aside a specific time each week to review and plan upcoming events. Support Healthy Habits . Ensure your child is getting enough sleep, eating nutritious meals, and engaging in physical activity. A healthy lifestyle supports better concentration, mood, and overall well-being. Tip: Plan and prepare balanced meals and snacks, and encourage regular exercise through fun activities. Be Involved in School Activities . Participate in school events, parent-teacher conferences, and volunteer opportunities. Being involved shows your child that you value their education and helps you stay connected with their school community. Tip: Attend at least one school event each semester to show support and engagement. Set Realistic Goals . Work with your child to set achievable academic and personal goals for the year. Break these goals into smaller, manageable steps and celebrate progress along the way. Tip: Regularly review and adjust goals as needed to keep them relevant and motivating. Encourage Independence . Foster independence by allowing your child to take responsibility for their schoolwork and other tasks. Teach them time management and problem-solving skills to build confidence and self-reliance. Tip: Provide guidance and support, but allow your child to make decisions and learn from their experiences. Create a Positive Homework Environment . Designate a quiet, organized space for homework and ensure your child has the necessary supplies. Encourage good study habits and be available for support without doing the work for them. Tip: Establish a homework routine and provide regular breaks to keep focus and motivation high. Practice Self-Care . Finally, remember to take care of yourself. Managing stress and maintaining a positive outlook will help you support your child more effectively. Prioritize self-care and balance your own needs with family responsibilities. Tip: Set aside time for activities you enjoy and practice relaxation techniques to manage stress. By incorporating these habits into your daily life, you can create a supportive environment that fosters your child's academic and personal growth throughout the school year. What's are some of your parenting tips that help you navigate the school year?

Overconsumption has become so common that many people hardly notice it anymore. Whether you’re mindlessly scrolling through online stores, stocking up on things you don’t need, or constantly redecorating your home, overconsumption can sneak into our lives in subtle ways. But some behaviors, while increasingly normalized, are actually far from healthy or sustainable. Here are several things that may seem "normal" in modern consumer culture but are clear signs of overconsumption. Buying Things We Don’t Need (and Will Never Use) . We all make impulse purchases from time to time. However, if you find yourself consistently buying items you never use—whether it’s clothing, gadgets, or household items—this is a red flag. Retailers use clever marketing to create a sense of urgency (think flash sales, limited-time offers), prompting us to buy things we wouldn’t normally consider. Why It's Not Normal: - It leads to clutter and waste. - You’re wasting money and resources on things that don’t add value to your life. - It’s often driven by boredom or emotional voids rather than genuine needs. Solution: Before making a purchase, ask yourself: *“Do I really need this?”* If the answer is no, walk away and reconsider your decision. Food Waste: Throwing Away Edible Items . Throwing away food has sadly become routine for many households. Whether it's letting leftovers spoil, buying too many groceries that we can't consume, or simply disregarding expiry dates, food waste is a hidden form of overconsumption. Why It's Not Normal: - Globally, one-third of all food produced goes to waste, leading to environmental harm. - Excess food waste fills landfills and contributes to greenhouse gas emissions. - It reflects a disconnect from the value of food and the resources it takes to produce it. Solution : Be more mindful when shopping and eating. Meal planning, using leftovers creatively, and composting can help cut down on waste. Hoarding: Stockpiling Beyond Need . Hoarding, or stockpiling goods to an extreme level, often goes unnoticed because it’s masked as preparation or frugality. However, when you’re constantly adding to your stockpile without using what you already have, it becomes a form of overconsumption. Why It's Not Normal: - It creates a psychological burden and physical clutter. - You may end up wasting items before you have the chance to use them. - Hoarding can cause a sense of scarcity that feeds anxiety rather than relieving it. Solution: Focus on using what you already have before purchasing more. Reorganize your home to create a system where items are used in a timely and logical order. Constantly Upgrading Technology . The pressure to always have the latest phone, laptop, or gadget is immense. Companies regularly release new models with minor updates, pushing consumers to feel like they’re missing out if they don’t upgrade. This cycle feeds into a culture of overconsumption, where items are discarded long before their functional life ends. Why It's Not Normal: - Contributes to electronic waste, one of the fastest-growing waste streams globally. - It perpetuates a “disposable culture,” where items are seen as temporary. - Financially unsustainable—upgrading frequently can strain your budget. Solution: Break the upgrade cycle by keeping your gadgets for longer. Unless a new device offers substantial improvements or meets a critical need, stick with what you have. Constantly Redecorating Your Home . Redecorating your home can be a fun and creative way to express yourself. However, when it becomes a frequent activity driven by trends, it turns into another form of overconsumption. With social media and home decor influencers constantly promoting new styles and must-have items, it’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking you need to update your space regularly to stay relevant. Why It’s Not Normal : - It encourages unnecessary spending on furniture, decorations, and materials that may not last long. - Frequently replacing items can lead to waste, especially when old furniture and decor are discarded without much use. - Redecorating frequently can create a sense of dissatisfaction with what you already have, feeding a cycle of constant wanting. Solution : Instead of completely overhauling your home decor with every trend, focus on timeless pieces that you can build upon. Use smaller, inexpensive updates like cushions, art, or lighting to refresh your space without the need for constant, large-scale changes. Fashion Fads and Fast Fashion . The fashion industry thrives on making consumers feel like they constantly need new clothes to stay “on trend.” Fast fashion brands fuel this by producing cheap, low-quality clothing in rapid cycles. However, constantly buying into fleeting fashion trends is a major sign of overconsumption. Why It’s Not Normal : - Fast fashion is one of the largest polluters globally, contributing to water waste and toxic dyes. - It promotes a throwaway culture, where clothing is treated as disposable. - It exploits labor in developing countries, driving down wages and working conditions. Solution : Opt for timeless, quality pieces over fast fashion. Consider buying secondhand or investing in sustainable brands that prioritize ethical production. Thrift Store Hauls: The Dark Side of Secondhand Shopping . Thrift shopping has gained popularity as an affordable and sustainable alternative to fast fashion, and while it’s great to buy secondhand, the concept of “thrift store hauls” can still feed into overconsumption. Many people approach thrifting as an opportunity to buy large quantities of items simply because they’re cheap, without much thought about whether those purchases are necessary or will be used. Why It’s Not Normal : - Even though thrifted items are secondhand, excessive buying still contributes to clutter and waste. - It undermines the original intention of thrift shopping—being mindful about consumption and giving old items a second life—by encouraging impulse buying. - Overconsumption at thrift stores can limit availability for those who rely on secondhand goods for affordability. Solution : Approach thrift shopping with the same mindfulness as any other type of shopping. Go in with a clear idea of what you need, rather than grabbing items simply because they’re inexpensive. Prioritize quality over quantity, and be mindful of how much you bring into your home, even if it’s secondhand. This way, you can still enjoy the benefits of thrifting without falling into the trap of overconsumption. Less is More . Overconsumption, in all its forms, has far-reaching consequences. While it’s easy to fall into the trap of excessive consumption, recognizing these behaviors as problematic is the first step toward making healthier, more sustainable choices. Whether it’s buying less, wasting less, or being more mindful of how we consume media, small changes can have a big impact on our well-being and the planet. By consciously shifting away from overconsumption, we can prioritize quality over quantity, mindfulness over impulse, and sustainability over waste. Remember, just because something is common doesn’t mean it’s normal—or healthy.

The week can feel like a hurdle, especially after a relaxing weekend. But with the right mindset and a little motivation, you can turn that dreaded start into a launchpad for a productive, fulfilling week. Here are 10 motivational quotes to help you embrace the week and keep your momentum going. “Either you run the day or the day runs you.” — Jim Rohn “Before anything else, preparation is the key to success.” — Alexander Graham Bell “Definitions belong to the definers, not the defined.” ― Toni Morrison, “Beloved” “Courage is very important. Like a muscle, it is strengthened by use.” — Ruth Gordon “The road to success and the road to failure are almost exactly the same.” —Colin R. Davis “I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life’s a bitch. You’ve got to go out and kick ass.” — Maya Angelou “Always work hard and have fun in what you do because I think that's when you're more successful. You have to choose to do it.” — Simone Biles "Believe you can and you're halfway there." – Theodore Roosevelt "You don’t have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great." – Zig Ziglar “The plan is to fan this spark into a flame.” — Lin-Manuel Miranda “She was learning, quite late, what many people around her appeared to have known since childhood that life can be perfectly satisfying without major achievements.” ― Alice Munro "Don’t watch the clock; do what it does. Keep going." – Sam Levenson “If you want the rainbow, you have to put up with the rain.” — Dolly Parton “We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” — Joseph Campbell “The true meaning of life is to plant trees under whose shade you do not expect to sit.” — Nelson Henderson “Success is the sum of small efforts repeated day in and day out.” — Robert Collier "I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars." - Og Mandino “We cannot solve problems with the kind of thinking we employed when we came up with them.” —Albert Einstein “Success is not final; failure is not fatal: It is the courage to continue that counts.” —Winston Churchill “Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, the lesson afterward.” ―Vernon Sanders Law “Concentrate all your thoughts upon the work in hand. The sun’s rays do not burn until brought to a focus.” —Alexander Graham Bell “Setting goals is the first step in turning the invisible into the visible.” —Tony Robbins “It is only when we take chances that our lives improve. The initial and the most difficult risk we need to take is to become honest.” —Walter Anderson “It took me quite a long time to develop a voice, and now that I have it, I am not going to be silent.” —Madeleine Albright “Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. The slogan ‘Press On’ has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.” —Calvin Coolidge “If you were born with the weakness to fall you were born with the strength to rise.” —Rupi Kaur “The Sun will rise and set regardless. What we choose to do with the light while it's here is up to us. Journey wisely.” —Alexandra Elle “He who conquers himself is the mightiest warrior.” —Confucius “Take the attitude of a student, never be too big to ask questions, never know too much to learn something new.” —Augustine Og Mandino “Alone we can do so little, together we can do so much.” —Helen Keller Mondays may be tough, but with the right mindset and a little extra motivation, they can be the perfect start to a week filled with growth and opportunity. Use these quotes to fuel your energy and help you stay focused on your goals throughout the week. Remember: every Monday is a fresh start, so make the most of it!

I've been working on redecorating the girls' room and have been obsessed lately with sage green. I know that sage green will transform the space into a serene space designed for rest and relaxation. Sage green is the perfect choice for their shared bedroom—it’s soft, calming, and versatile enough to work with various styles. Here are ten inspiring sage-colored shared bedroom ideas helping me design a peaceful and stylish space for my little ones. Falling for an Autumn Theme . This right boho look here is everything and quite apt for the season. The perfect combination of sage green and toffee works beautifully not just for this season, but for all seasons. The bedding, artwork and furniture really bring such beauty and create such a cozy feeling. I think I might move in with this design. I don't mind sleeping in a twin bed. Sage Green and Muted Blush/Coral . If you're looking for a softer color palette, pair sage green with muted pinks or corals. This combination is perfect for any kids who love pastel tones. We're renters so we won't be painting walls, but adding plants for a botanical element along with some beautiful artwork and shelving. Sage Green and Botanical Accent Wall . Enhance the sage green palette by incorporating a botanical-themed accent wall into the shared bedroom. Choose sage green as the base for the walls and layer in plant-inspired elements, like floral bedding, leaf-patterned throw pillows, or nature-themed wall art. Add hanging plants or wall decals to bring the room to life. Minimalist Sage Green and Natural Wood . Sage green works beautifully with natural materials, especially wood. I absolutely love this combination Use sage green bedding or walls and combine them with natural wood bed frames, shelving, or furniture. This combination brings warmth and a natural, outdoorsy feel to the room while maintaining a calm and grounded atmosphere. Sage Green Bedding with Neutral Walls . If you prefer neutral-colored walls, you can still bring in sage through the bedding. Choose sage green comforters or quilts and mix them with neutral white or beige walls. This simple palette creates a clean, airy look while still giving the room a touch of color and personality. Mid-Century Natural Wood and Sage Green Botanical Bedding . Mid-century natural wood furniture always works in my eyes. The addition of a large sage green scroll map which creates a focal point while keeping the other walls neutral. The wall is complemented with sage green bedding, botanical printed comforters and toffee throw pillows to give the room balance.The color combination of white, green and toffee bring elements of softness and coziness creating a harmonious look. Sage Green Walls and Vintage Furniture . Sage green pairs beautifully with vintage design elements. The muted earthy tones of sage green provide the perfect backdrop for vintage furniture that really brings a sense of history and character. Metal bed frames in muted brass or wrought iron pair beautifully with sage green walls. A comforter and blanket contrasting the sage green color ties everything up like this dinosaur theme. This color is perfect for creating a calm, stylish, and balanced shared bedroom for kids. Its versatility allows it to complement various themes, from minimalist to vintage, while still maintaining a serene atmosphere. Whether you choose sage green as the dominant color or as an accent, it’s sure to bring peace and beauty to any shared space. Let me know if you'd like to add more details or tweak the ideas! (Photo credit Kids Interiors , Pinterest , Nesting with Grace , Summer Thornton Design , Styled by Emily , The Merrythought , The Spruce )

I am rewatching Ugly Betty for the umpteenth time, because it never gets old. As cringey and annoying as some scenes may be in a show that premiered on ABC from September 28, 2006, Ugly Betty will always be one of my favorites. If you haven't watched Ugly Betty, please start now! Betty, a NYC girl by way of Queens with aspirations of being an editor lands a job at MODE magazine as the assistant to the newly appointed editor-in-chief of Mode Daniel Meade. She was hand picked by Bradford Meade the head of the Meade Publications empire in an attempt to keep his son focused on fulfilling his duties rather than the latest gorgeous assistant. Betty takes us on a journey from mousy assistant who shares a close bond with her family and cultural roots to a bold and confident woman who takes life by the horns to fulfill her dreams in the cut throat world of high fashion. The heavy handed use of satire with a mix of telenovela drama meets Devil Wears Prada gives this show life. It's pure genius and hilarious in a way that tickles me every time I watch. Here are all the reasons why you need to watch or rewatch Ugly Betty . Hail to the Queen of Mean Wilhelmina Slater . I proudly admit I love a mean girl who is poised and controlled in her demeanor, especially since she is the total opposite to who I am. Opposites do attract when it comes to the shows that I watch and Wilhelmina, played by Vanessa Williams is the real MVP of Ugly Betty . She is a true feminist icon and the antithesis of how women are expected to be. Her methods were unscrupulous and she never spared sympathy, but she had her priorities together when it came to her career ambitions. She never apologized for who she was or what motivated her. Wilhelmina gifted us the template of a villain—an evil genius that you couldn't help but admire. The woman gave us high fashion, she knew how to make an entrance and gave us one liners that will live on forever. Hail to Wilhelmina Slater, the true "Queen of Mean." Betty Suarez the Champ . The one and only Betty Suarez is a champion and an icon. Hurricane Betty showed up in her "Guadalajara" Poncho on her first day of work unfazed and unbothered by an industry that was overly concerned with beauty standards and fashion. Her quirkiness, charisma, loyalty and quiet intelligence made Betty the kind of person you want as a friend—as in her relationship with Christina—and in a crisis. The ultimate underdog, Betty showed her resilience and strength going up against opponents like Wilhelmina whose nefarious nature knew no bounds. From the very first episode where Daniel tried his best to get Betty to quit, I knew that I wanted to stick with the show to find out what happens. I wanted her to win in life, love and everything she put her heart into. In spite of there being many moments where I thought Betty should have been done with that crazy dynamic at Meade, her story was a lesson on radical self-love. As Betty's style subtly changed, we saw a woman holding onto who she is, but allowing herself the opportunity for growth. I love Betty. Amanda and Marc's Relationship . "Oh. My. God.' Much like Amanda's exclamation when she first encountered Betty, I am sometimes at such a loss for words with these two. They possessed the most superficial, but yet deeply connected relationship of all the characters. The flamboyant two loved poking fun at Betty. It was their sport of choice, until they realized that Betty brought much more to the table than the two of them combined. In spite of their shortcomings, I loved Amanda and Marc's relationship. They remained supportive of each other and did not allow their very superficial nature to destroy what turned out to be a decent friendship. I wouldn't be able to tolerate Marc and Amanda in real life, but for the purpose of the show, their critical nature and banter reflects what the fashion industry can feel like to every day people who are not consumed by their appearance. It was progressive . While the series is set in the glamorous world of fashion, it goes beyond surface-level aesthetics. Ugly Betty cleverly critiques the fashion industry’s obsession with beauty standards and conformity. Each episode juxtaposes Betty’s unique style with the high-fashion world around her, emphasizing that true beauty comes from confidence and individuality. This message resonates even more today, as conversations about body positivity and inclusivity continue to grow. It also addressed issues of immigration, familial loss, homosexuality, discrimination in the workplace and single parenthood among other issues. Ugly Betty was in your face about these issues and dealt with it in a manner that highlighted the struggles. Here we are almost two decades later and these issues are still relevant. They were indeed ahead of their time. Strong Female Relationships . Ugly Betty shines in its portrayal of female friendships. Betty's strongest relationship was with her sister Hilda. The two shared a strong sibling bond that survived the death of their mother, a teenage pregnancy, their father's immigration issues and Hilda's loss of her fiance (Justin's dad). She also found maternal love and compassion in Claire Meade that allowed her to feel like a safe space for Betty. The most unlikely bond was with Wilhelmina Slater, signifying immense growth in Betty, but also shows we have much more in common than we think. When push comes to shove, we all want to be appreciated and respected as was evident in both women—they just chose to go about it in different ways. Betty's relationships with colleague Amanda, showcase a range of dynamics—from rivalry to friendship. These interactions highlight the importance of female support and solidarity, a message that remains vital in today’s world. Diverse Representation . A standout feature is the show's commitment to diversity. From its predominantly Latino cast to its varied character arcs, Ugly Betty broke new ground in representation. The show explores cultural identity, family dynamics, and the challenges faced by individuals from different backgrounds, enriching the narrative and offering viewers a broader perspective on life. My favorite story line was that of Ignacio Suarez (Papi), Betty's dad who had to navigate the sometimes unfriendly immigration process in the United States of America. It was a story that so many watching could relate to in a way that I have never seen before and haven't seen since then—correct me if I'm wrong. The show captured Ignacio's story in a truly authentic and relatable way. As a young woman in my mid-twenties, who lived in Brooklyn NY and worked in the Financial District (FiDi) for a family in the fashion industry, I was consumed by the show. They were not only the exact opposite of what you would think of people in the fashion industry, but they also resided near the building that was used to depict Meade Publications and City Hall Park, where Betty got caught kissing Henry Grubstick, her ex boyfriend. I became fully invested in the show that I not only saw on television, but saw being shot on the streets on NY. Ugly Betty is a treasure and is definitely worth five stars on the rewatch list. What are your favorite Ugly Betty moments or characters? (Photo of Ugly Betty ad photo IMDB , Wilhelmina/ TV Line , Betty Suarez/ Glamour , Marc and Amanda/ Fanpop , Justin/ Medium , Hilda and Betty Suarez/ Vulture and Ignacio Suarez/ NBC News )

Self Portrait in Charcoal, 2012 When I was a young child, sore throats were a common thing for me. We could never figure out why I kept having them, but I later ended up with a diagnosis of laryngitis . Somewhere in my early teen years, I recall someone saying that my frequent sore throats could be due to emotional suppression . While that may have been true, evidence pointed to allergic reactions and that felt like the only and more plausible explanation for my repeated infections. At that point, I could not conceive how my emotional state could so deeply affect my physical well-being. By the time I got to my late teens and early twenties, I began having what felt like a massive ball in my throat obstructing everything I tried to eat or drink, causing immense discomfort. I could barely eat, function during the day, and sleep well at night, because this globus sensation which I later discovered to be globus pharyngeus disrupted my whole life. It caused a severe decline in my quality of life. This was happening along with other symptoms and it wasn’t until my mid-twenties was I able to get a formal diagnosis of fibromyalgia. By then, I had already gone through several relationships from my first love, to the person who would eventually become my husband and future ex-husband. I had never been particularly shy or a wallflower, but I wasn’t the most vocal person in the room. I always tried to be sociable enough without too much small talk. I hate small talk! I was also the girl who was great at getting the second, third, and subsequent dates, but I quickly realized, that some of my relationships—as a young woman unequipped for dating—meant silencing myself. As the years went by, I got good at staying silent when necessary. This doesn’t mean that I never voiced how I felt, but rather that I felt backed into a corner by several of my influential relationships. I felt so many times that my words were falling on deaf ears. I also got the silent treatment , a tactic used to manipulate or stonewall me to maintain secrets and lies when I “asked too many questions.” Had these questions been answered quickly and honestly, healthier relationships could have been developed, but rather actively silencing me was used to avoid being accountable. Even worse, my inner child wasn’t healed and I was seeking that approval from my partners who were typically older. I learned to make this behavior acceptable to keep the peace, because rather than cause good trouble , I learned to become an active participant in my demise. At some point, I lost myself. Marriage and motherhood encouraged what I felt was necessary to keep the peace and keep a relationship that did not benefit me alive. I for one always believed that divorce is there for a reason. I was getting to a point where I no longer wanted to engage in toxic behaviors to uphold the myth of the nuclear family as the pinnacle of my success, just to avoid anything outside of it that is considered a m degradation of the family structure. I had to leave. I needed to find myself. It took a lot of work after a downward spiral in September 2020 at the height of the pandemic. I was now a single mother, raising two children and doing my very best to co-parent. The job I had been at for almost three years was coming to an end and people I knew were dying. I was in a deep state of grief, not only because I was put in a position to initiate a divorce, but also from losing loved ones. The only thing that somewhat kept me together was that job, so when it ended, I felt like Superman going into a free fall from the highest of highs to a morbid low. I had reached out for help. I had only been with this therapist for about two months. I think the first two months, I was feeling her out. I was still questioning what I should and could share. I know she sensed I wasn’t being one hundred percent authentic and I was holding back a lot. It was the behavior of my childhood once again rearing its ugly head. I absorbed all my pain and emotions into my body and it was destroying me with frequent fibromyalgia flares. I suppressed a lot of feelings and whenever I got the urge to say something and held back, there would be an intense pain in my throat. It would linger post-session. There was that connection that my elder told me about; the one I attributed primarily to allergies. There was no denying it. I had gotten so used to being silenced that I couldn’t allow myself to even feel safe with my therapist, who I was paying for a service, and where it was her job to listen to me. When that job ended in September 2020, it was the ultimate divine intervention. I don’t think I had ever cried this much in my life to a stranger. I felt like a fallen autumn leaf that was being blown every which way. I had no sense of direction and as someone who always needs a plan, this was new and scary territory for me. The uncertainty was terrifying and I knew I had to talk about this before it consumed me. I started to talk with my therapist, once a week and sometimes twice a week when I needed it. I realized more and more how much emotional harm I had been through in some of my relationships. Some of it was rooted in my need to compromise. It is a word I heard a lot being thrown around to help women keep a relationship healthy and alive. But for whom? Compromising isn’t inherently bad, but over the years, I realized it is rather the way it is exercised that can go so wrong. What could be an opportunity for connection can quickly turn into something where an emotionally unhealthy or manipulative partner can use it to their advantage. In that case, one party becomes the giver and the other the taker resulting in an unhealthy relationship. There is this video where actress and singer Eartha Kitt is being asked, “But are you willing to compromise in a relationship?” To which she answered, “Compromise? What is compromising? Compromising for what? Compromising for what reason?” These were all great questions. It is so easy to lose one’s self in an effort to compromise. And most compromise requires some degree of silence. Whether the silence is reflected in one’s choice to not ask certain questions, being agreeable to avoid conflict or even violence, or even silence after your perspective is shut down. My compromise was done to avoid being labeled as disagreeable , so I got to a point where I said nothing, because I realized that nothing I said would make my partner view what I had to say as valuable. In those situations, I felt like more of an accessory rather than a true equal or partner. Fortunately, my years in therapy and my own life experiences have taught me that my voice matters, and it is important. My thoughts and feelings are valuable. I add value to a conversation and if my social interactions are any indication, they show that I am an excellent conversationalist. I bring thoughtfulness, empathy, and compassion, and I’m funny as hell. That should never be silenced. If my questions made those partners uncomfortable, let them be uncomfortable. I will not be silenced. I am learning to no longer emotionally repress, avoid, and internalize anger to give some else peace while I self-destruct. I will speak up and live Out Loud . The woman I am now is stronger and she will not be silenced.

Last year, I decided to move to a beautiful suburb in Albany. What attracted me to Albany was a combination of great schools, the availability of jobs, its location—quick drive to Montreal in case we go full Handmaid's Tale—and access to outdoor activities. Recently, I discovered something interesting about Albany. It was ranked the 7th most unfriendly city in the country and the 13th unfriendliest in the world in 2013 by Condé Nast traveler. It wasn’t a reputation I was aware of before moving, but that wouldn't have deterred me anyway. I am from NYC, so it would take a lot to scare me. Having been here for a little over a year, I thought by now I would have been able to at least strike up a friendship, but I had no luck until recently. I made the acquaintance of a colleague and we are meeting for coffee this weekend to talk about all things writing and literature. I am so excited. To be clear, I do have friends. The longest standing ones have been in my life since I was twelve years old. We talk, share videos back and forth that give encouragement, provide humor or help foster real dialogue. I love my girls, but it’s nice to have friendships in a new city where I can call someone to meet up for coffee. As much as I enjoy the company of myself, it does get lonely sometimes here. Our encounter was inevitable. Have you ever seen someone from a distance and felt such a positive aura from them? That feeling was probably because she reminded me of someone I knew in my past. I happened to have seen her twice in the school library where I work as a substitute teacher before the day we struck up a conversation. It started as a conversation with one of the librarians about the new reading book when she joined. Then we continued talking about books we read. It felt so organic that by the end of what may have been about a fifteen minute chat, we exchanged numbers. I don’t believe in coincidences, so no matter the outcome, I believe that some people are just meant to be in our lives whether briefly or long-term. I was extremely close to "I need friends" in my mom group like I have seen so many moms in varying situations do. In many ways, I think this points to a bigger issue of adult friendships and how tricky they can be. I am just glad to be forming a bond with someone who shares some common interests. I will keep you posted on navigating this adult friendship, which I hope blossoms into something beautiful. Maybe at some point, I can host a friendship dinner—something that I have always wished to have.

I happened to be on Threads recently and saw a post that intrigued me . Someone with the handle Mr. Wallace posted "Dear millennials, I think we’ve healed enough can we go outside and ride bikes now? Maybe put the psychology books away before it’s too late and we’re gone? We know enough. Let’s live again." Though I may not agree with the statement in its entirety, he is definitely onto something. A recent analysis of census data found that Americans are spending more time at home , and a large part of it alone according to an article in The New York Times. The trend that was already happening rose significantly during the COVID-19 pandemic when we were all confined to our homes. In many ways, I don’t blame people for spending so much time at home. After all, you can get almost anything delivered to you and life has gotten very expensive over the last few years. Going outside means watching your money deplete in real time and so many people are struggling to maintain the current costs of living. With modern conveniences, we have more time on our hands to doom scroll on social media where pop psychology is the theme du jour. We have become so inundated with psychological terms and holistic healing for the last couple of years, that as much as I am proud of us for doing the work, I think we need to find that creative balance of living and learning. We need to understand that healing is a lifelong process and there will always be something to heal from at different stages and phases of life. Healing cannot happen in isolation; it is most successful in community, whether it is with the love and support of family members or with friends who are in our corner. It now becomes a question of what kind of activities are you engaging in that can help you achieve that overall wellness. As the author suggested, riding your bike is a great start. I would like to add, engage in play for adults. That can look different for everyone. You can get a coloring book and head outdoors, hike, picnic, dance in the rainfall, and jump in mud puddles. When was the last time you jumped in mud puddles? We are missing out on life, especially with a health and wellness industry that is marketing healing and wellness as a luxury. These industries have been formed as a way to strip us of our resources when our greatest resources are right here. Fresh air, a walk through a park, that canvas and pain you stuck in a corner for many years, those roller skates collecting dust, museums and so many other fun things. We all need to find what enhances our lives. For some, busy city life invigorates their soul and makes them feel alive in ways that no suburb or small town can. For others, a slower pace relaxes the spirit and helps them hear their innermost thoughts. Whatever that place is for you, enjoy it, and get out a little more. Tree Hugger, Renata Poleon, 2024 How are you getting out of the house this weekend?

I spent much of Sunday binge watching Three Women  on Starz. I was prompted to watch the show after seeing lots of ads show up on my For You Page (FYP) while scrolling through socials. In one of the ads a beautiful woman was talking about how her husband hadn’t touched her in almost three months. I was drawn in and intrigued, as she shared her story with so much pain behind her eyes. I needed to know more.  The series is based on the non-fiction work of Lisa Taddeo, who explored the lives of three women across America as they navigate the complexities of desire, love, trauma, and personal identity. As much as all the women resonated with me in some way, it was Lina’s story that struck a personal chord and really captivated me. Her emotions felt deeply relatable in ways that I hadn’t anticipated. I have never seen a character quite like Lina whose life mirrored mine in so many ways. Her journey is a raw and honest portrayal of vulnerability, yearning, and the sometimes painful pursuit of connection with the ones we love. It felt like parts of my life was being played out on screen which helped me confront my unresolved feelings about love, intimacy, and self-worth. *** To fully explain why Lina’s character resonates with me, it’s important to summarize the premise of Three Women . The series follows three central characters: Maggie, a young woman whose relationship with a high school teacher has deeply affected her life; Sloane, a successful businesswoman who carefully manages an open marriage; and Lina, a suburban mother of two who is starved for affection and intimacy in a loveless marriage. Lina’s story begins with the internal dialogue of a woman who appears to be trapped in a marriage devoid of affection. Her husband Ed, is an emotionally distant and clueless man who shows little interest in physical intimacy. After years of living at a tolerable level of permanent unhappiness , Lina reaches a breaking point and begins to crave something more—something that makes her feel alive again.  In addition to the deep emotional pain, Lina is also dealing with the physical pain of fibromyalgia —like me—and endometriosis . Lina discovers this at a visit with a rather eccentric doctor who recommends medication, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), and a good orgasm. Oh, how I can relate ! The stress of existing in a loveless marriage breeds resentment, anger, and stress factors that contribute to a greater likelihood of chronic illnesses. It is no wonder that women experience a higher prevalence of chronic illnesses  and why they initiate most divorces.  *** One of the rather more intense scenes is when Lina has to call for emergency services from what she thinks may be a heart attack while caring for her two young boys. Ed returns home, only to downplay the events of what happened, and tells Lina that her pain is all in her head. Not only is her emotional pain being disregarded, but her physical pain is being trivialized in a way that furthers the divide between her and her husband. This is the point I think Lina is pushed over the edge and she is willing to lose everything. Watching Lina grapple with these feelings was incredibly emotional for me. It was as though she was voicing thoughts I had struggled to come to terms with in my own past life. At some point, many of us have felt unfulfilled in relationships, whether romantic or otherwise. We’ve sought connection and affection, only to be met with indifference or rejection. Lina’s yearning for touch, passion, for a connection that makes her feel desired, loved, and alive is a peek into the suffering of women globally. Her vulnerability is palpable to the point that I couldn’t even fault her for the questionable decisions she made. She is achingly real. That authenticity is what draws you into Lina’s unstable and almost juvenile world. Her desperation to feel loved, even if fleeting, is truly an act of self-preservation. *** Lina’s affair with Aidan, her high school sweetheart, and what-if guy  is a pivotal part of her story. This is where things get interesting. It is an affair born not out of malice, but out of a desperate need to reclaim a sense of intimacy and self-worth that has long been absent from her life. Embarking on the affair felt like both an act of empowerment and destruction. On one hand, she is finally feeling desired again—she feels alive in a way she hasn’t in years. On the other hand, she is aware that the relationship is precarious, built on the shaky ground of nostalgia and fantasy. Lina is locked in a juvenile state of trauma that in some ways has stunted her emotional growth. A woman in a loveless marriage can sometimes feel like she has nothing to lose and so much to gain by emotionally and physically. What kind of husband deems it acceptable to ignore the intimate needs of his wife?   The type who is willing to lose her. She had been in such a state of unhappiness that she just finally broke free. She would prefer to ask for forgiveness later than permission now.  This tension between Lina’s need for fulfillment and the potentially damaging consequences of her actions hit home. We’ve all experienced moments where we’ve made decisions, knowing they weren’t entirely healthy or sustainable, but feeling like they were necessary for our emotional survival. She sacrificed everything on the grounds of the relationship cemetery called Facebook  when she decided to reconnect with her old flame. *** The societal judgment she faces is somewhere she has been before. As she seeks out intimacy and love beyond her marriage, she is met with criticism, not just from those around her but from herself. She grapples with feelings of guilt and shame for wanting more than what her marriage can provide.  In many ways, Lina’s story is a commentary on the way society often views women who are unfulfilled in their relationships, especially mothers, internalized shame, and the suppression of sexual desire. There’s an unspoken expectation that women should be fulfilled by the responsibility of partnership, motherhood, and having their socio-economic needs met. This kind of thinking is restrictive and prioritizes male pleasure in a way that leaves many dissatisfied housewives feeling that it is taboo to desire intimacy more than their partner. This is not a space where any woman should exist. Lina is the personification of the internal conflict that women go through when they're left to fend for themselves in a way that requires true partnership. She tried building a connection, but Ed refused to listen constructively. Is that to say that I excuse Lina cheating on her husband? Not one bit, but I understand the level of pain she was in that led her there. At some point, something has to give, because living in an unfulfilled marriage is emotional purgatory. *** By the end of Three Women , Lina is far from having all the answers—after all, both she and Aidan are married. She’s still searching for a balance between her needs and her responsibilities, between love and self-respect. But what stands out to me most about her story is her growth. Lina’s journey is one of self-discovery, of learning that she is worthy of love and affection, even if that love doesn’t come in the way she originally imagined. She comes to realize that she doesn’t need to settle for a life of emotional and physical deprivation nor does she have to be a married man’s secret. Despite it all, Lina gives women the permission women to acknowledge their desires and their emotional complexity. She liberates us from the need to center male desire in a way that can be unhealthy inside and outside of a relationship. The overall prize is agency over our minds and bodies and the ability to feel content in the decisions we make. (Photo of Lina in a red dress JoJo Whilden/SHOWTIME)