Note to Self: An Awakening

This is a note I shared on my social media accounts and I thought worthy of putting on the blog.

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let’s talk…

as a highly sensitive person living with non-life threatening chronic illnesses, i understand the importance of a diagnosis.

i didn’t get diagnosed with fibromyalgia until i was about 26, even though i had been going to doctors since i was 13. i suspected what it was right before a doctor was able to formally diagnose me.

i had doctors say verbatim, “she seems like a tense child” or “it’s all in your head” so regularly that i thought i would never know what was wrong.

it’s so hard to go through these medical experiences where you feel unseen and unheard, but in all of it, i grew a backbone.

after becoming a mother twice over, there were signs that i probably ignored. i was constantly misplacing things and a few other things. i asked my doctor if i am at risk for dementia because of fibromyalgia and he said no.

i kept putting it in the motherhood folder and kept thinking i was overwhelmed, tired or stressed. what i was able to ignore without kids couldn’t be ignored anymore.

part of it was that i was proficient at masking. if you ask anyone around me, i seem like i hold it all together very well, and for the most part i do. i am a smart, functional, and highly organized person. but slowly, i couldn’t maintain the level of organization that i once did.

i have always been that person who requires a lot of recovery time moving through this world. i experience an immense amount of fatigue dealing with people on the day to day.

i just did a women’s ADHD test which confirmed what i have been thinking recently and recommended that i seek out a formal diagnosis.

i am going to start this journey, because for far too long i’ve just powered through it. motherhood also shed a light on something that i couldn’t see and i can’t ignore it anymore.

any moms in their 40s going through something similar?