Search

Originally published: April 4, 2024 Revised: August 1, 2025 I'm a woman. I have never questioned my femininity or my attractiveness—maybe not since my mid teens. I birthed two babies from this body. I know I am not everyone’s cup of tea (then again, who is everyone’s cup of tea), but I stand in my beauty. That I know will never change. I have worn my hair naturally for most of my life. God knew what he was doing when he gave me the gift of not having long hair. I just had to catch up with with his ultimate design, because I eventually realized that I hate maintaining any kind of hair. I never enjoyed sitting between the legs of an elder to have my hair combed as a kid. I don’t enjoy combing, washing, moisturizing, double twisting, cornrowing and all the other activities of maintaining black hair even though I am really good at it. I do it simply because it needs to be done. A few years ago, I went to the barber who I’ve had cut my hair several times before to shave my head. While sitting in the chair, he asked, “What does your husband think about you cutting your hair?” I responded, “I don’t know and I don’t really care” with a straight face. He laughed and said, “But what if he doesn’t like it?” I responded again, “Don’t know and don’t care.” My response was sort of a protest against the idea that I in some way need permission from my husband. I know exactly what he thinks. He doesn’t mind. Over the last almost eight years since I went back to my natural hair, my then husband has seen me through every hair transition—and there have been many. He would go to work with me having hair and come back to a shaved head. I never felt the need to discuss my decision, because the hair on my head belongs to me. He always complimented me and just said, “Nice haircut,” and rubbed my head. When we started dating, I told him, “There are two things that I do not need your input on; how I wear my hair and how I dress.” He saw it all before he proposed to me and married me, so if he had reservations about my sometimes shaved head, he was free to walk away. Plus I have great taste in fashion. I’ll take a compliment from him, but I don’t need guidance in that area. No thank you sir. Later that same week, I encountered another acquaintance, a sweet man who seemed to question whether my then husband was okay with me cutting my hair. I thought I was in the twilight zone to be honest. Not one, but two men asked me about my husband’s feelings regarding a decision to do something to my body. He even asserted that my husband may cheat on me for this reason, to which I responded, “Then, we would have much bigger problems than a haircut.” I was in disbelief honestly. Not only did they feel bold enough to make these statements, but the fact that they act like my husband owned me was baffling. Apparently, cutting my hair to suit my own preference, was helping destroy my marriage. In their twisted view, I needed his approval and maybe even his permission to shave my head. I was a woman in my thirties. The last time I sought approval from a partner was in my teens when I had a lot to learn about relationships. I’m well beyond that stage, and as an imperfect human still under construction, I do know one thing; I am my own person. I do not need permission to do something as simple as a haircut from a partner. I get it. I’m not oblivious. How often is a woman with a shaved head depicted as beautiful, and a black woman at that? According to the movies, it is usually in a moment of impulse or crisis that a woman shavs her head. I mean, why would any rational thinking woman want to shave her head because she simply wants to and feels beautiful that way? Right?! Wrong! Many women feel beautiful without feeling beholden to their hair. Nothing about a shaved head depicts unattractive to me. We need to normalize shaved and bald beauty whether it’s by choice or not. We need to continue working on changing the narrative. Diversity of beauty is what makes us unique and beautiful. Our hair does not need policing. The day that the female body stops being objectified, critiqued, or seen as a battlefield for control will be a day of complete freedom, but in the meantime, I am the only one who gets to define my sense of beauty. No one else. I don't need anyone's permission.

Living in the Capital District of NY is such an amazing feeling. As a long time resident of NYC, you would think that moving to Upstate New York would involve some degree of culture shock, but it has been quite the opposite. It really brings joy to be surrounded by this level of beauty. My new community is where nature is woven into the urban fabric and creates a truly harmonious balance. It still amazes me how I can go from city to rural in less than thirty minutes. I simply love it here. For that reason, I am always looking for new places to visit. Last year on a whim, I decided to explore Peebles Island State Park in Cohoes NY. Peebles Island State Park is a 190-acre state park located at the confluence of the Mohawk and Hudson rivers in New York. I walked in by way of the Cohoes entry on Delaware Avenue Railroad Drive into what felt like a sanctuary. The island  boasts many amenities that include hiking, walking trails, fishing, designated picnic areas, parking and lighthouse visits/tours among others. The landscape is picturesque all year round, especially in the summertime. As much as there is to explore on Peebles Island, there is more to see at the north exit, where you enter into the historic town of Waterford in Saratoga County. Summer is the highlight and best time of year to explore this waterfront town. There is a weekly farmer’s market, the Waterford Tugboat Roundup, boat rides, kayaking and many more activities. The Waterford Welcome Center Waterford Waterfront For me, the real highlight was seeing the Erie Canal Lock at work. Waterford boasts the Erie Canal Lock E-2, part of a system of connecting waterways , and one of 57 locks in the New York’s canal system that has been active since 1825. It reflects a symbiotic relationship between nature and science that will leave you in awe. It is a masterful remnant of the brilliance of the minds of the past and a superb look into how resourceful human beings can be. It was worth seeing and I highly recommend visiting. Erie Canal Lock E-2 Watching Erie Canal Lock E-2 at work Since then, my family and I make several visits to Peeble Island State Park throughout the year. We love it there. What do you enjoy most about this state park? Photos: Top photo from New York State Park, Gallery from left to right: Overlook Point on Peebles Island State Park, Scenic View at Overlook Point, Second Street Bridge, Walking path along Second Street Bridge that leads to Waterford NY

Marie Kondo will always be the decluttering goddess to me. She encourages clients to: hold an item in their hands and ask, “Does this spark joy?”  If it does, keep it. If it doesn’t, thank it for its service and let it go. Well, I have a list of things in my home that don’t just fail  the joy test—they actively enrage me. And yet… they remain. Some out of necessity, some because of guilt, and some because, apparently, I enjoy suffering. Welcome to my Anti-Marie Kondo List —a tribute to the items that bring not joy, but rage-fueled muttering under my breath. The “Smart” Devices that are Anything but . I bought a smart speaker so I could feel like I was living in the future. Instead, I live in frustration. " Play 90s R& B " to which it responds " Playing Pop music.... " Ugggghhhh. Half the time, it doesn’t hear me. The other half, it misinterprets my requests and blasts music at full volume when all I wanted was some soothing music to keep my day going. If I so much as think  about asking it something, it activates at the worst possible moment. Does it randomly start playing bedtime sound at 8 p.m every night? Yes. I am still trying to figure out how to turn this routine off. Almost useless at this point. The Food Container Cabinet of Chaos . My food container cabinet gets organized, but it takes approximately 4.7 seconds for everything to be completely disorganized. If I lived alone, it would be immaculate, but I have my partner and two broke best friends—my daughters. Does it spark deep existential dread every time I open it? Absolutely. Absolutely yes. The drawer of mystery cords . At this point, I’m convinced that at least half the cords in my house belong to devices I haven’t owned in years. Phone chargers for phones that no longer exist. Random HDMI cables for… something? A collection of mystery adapters that I might  need one day but probably never will. None of it sparks joy, at all. But do I throw them out? Of course not. What if I suddenly need a charger for my 2012 digital camera? The Throw Blanket Situation . I love a good throw blanket. Something cozy for each family member on those cold nights. Instead, they have become an elaborate obstacle course or my living room floor that must be managed  every single day. They also have a habit of disappearing or getting lost in my kids' bedrooms, but can never be in the assigned storage basket that sits next to the sofa. They've now become picnic blankets for the girls for the times when they decide that they don't want to eat at the table. I mean, they save the floor from crumbs, but now have to be washed more than I would like to. Do they make my couch look aesthetically pleasing? Yes, which is why they remain. The Utensil Drawer Full of Betrayal . My nitpicking side comes on full display with this drawer. I mean who puts the bowl part of a spoon or the tines of a fork facing the drawer opening rather than away? Someone has to really hate the people they live with to commit such an act of betrayal. Does it spark joy? No. Does it make me question my life choices every time I need a fork? Yes. The only direction cutlery should face The winter coat pile-up on the closet handle . Every winter, I tell myself I'll get better at making sure that the kids follow their routine of hanging their coats without me having to be militant about it. Every winter, we start off well and then fail. Instead of neatly hanging in the closet where they technically  belong, coats sometimes end up hanging on the entryway closet or occasionally in a chaotic mound inside the closet. Apparently, getting a hanger for them is too much effort. At this point, as long as there is only one coat per knob, I am typically fine. If it increases to more than that it sparks a mild rage when I walk past it. The end result is rage cleaning from the deep-seated frustration. The Shower Curtain That Tries to Kill Me . There is something deeply unsettling about a shower curtain that insists on clinging to you while you’re showering. No matter how I position it, no matter what I do, it will find me. And in that moment, nothing sparks more rage than fighting off a damp, plastic ghost while just trying to get clean. Does it make me irrationally mad every time it happens? You bet. I know, I could  get rid of some of these things. I could  organize things better, maybe. But let’s be real—I share my home with three other humans and I am not about to torment us all in the name of having an aesthetically pleasing home at all times. Our home is meant to be lived in and not a show house, so these infuriating items are part of the fabric of my home. Maybe, just maybe, the rage they spark is a weird kind of joy in itself. Or maybe I just need to arrange additional appointments with my therapist. What’s in your home that sparks rage instead of joy? Let me know in the comments so we can suffer together.

Hello friends! Are you there? I have a confession. I have an obsession with dystopian leaning shows. One of my absolute favorites is Mr. Robot which is in a class of its own. When it first aired in 2015, I thought it was a cool, edgy, raw and an honest take about a hoodie-wearing hacker who mumbled monologues and occasionally committed cyberterrorism. Fast-forward to 2025, and it turns out Mr. Robot wasn’t just cool or edgy, it was clairvoyant. Rewatching the show now feels less like revisiting fiction and more like unlocking a prophecy left to us by creator Sam Esmail: a moody guidebook to late-stage capitalism, surveillance states, economic collapse, and mental fragmentation as a coping mechamism. Despite all this darkness, there’s something oddly comforting in it. It’s like yelling into the void only to hear Elliot Alderson whisper back, “Hello, friend.” Surveillance? Check. Corporate Control? Check. Mental Breakdown? Double Check. In 2015, the idea of a conglomerate like E Corp (or “Evil Corp,” as Elliot and everyone else in the show casually calls it) running the world felt like satire to many. In 2025, Amazon is selling us insulin, Google knows what we want before we do, and most people think Black Mirror is a lifestyle channel. Evil Corp isn't a dystopian invention, it's a startup pitch deck. “The world itself’s just one big hoax.”— Elliot Alderson, Season 1, Episode 1 That line used to feel like a college freshman’s existential Tumblr post. Now it reads like your uncle’s resignation letter from his third job this year. Esmail’s script doesn’t just hold up, it aged into a cynical middle-aged man muttering under his breath at Whole Foods or a millennial TikToker’s crash out in his car, questioning why he owes everyone two hundred dollars. In Mr. Robot , we watch as hackers from fsociety wipe out global debt by taking down Evil Corp’s records. It’s dramatic. It’s chaotic. It's every millennial and Gen Z’er’s dream scenario, right before realizing the collapse of centralized finance also erases all our digital bank accounts. Yet, in 2025, watching debt cancellation via cyber-attack doesn’t seem so far-fetched. We’ve just come out of another election cycle where half the candidates debated whether billionaires should be taxed and the other half debated whether reality still exists. Student loan forgiveness plans that were once in gridlocked in Congress have now been paused by a nefarious regime, giving great satisfaction in watching Elliot bring down the system with a few keystrokes? Therapeutic. The Mental Health of a Nation . Perhaps Mr. Robot ’s most enduring relevance isn’t just its take on corporate tyranny or tech surveillance, but its emotional honesty. Elliot’s dissociative identity disorder, anxiety, and loneliness aren’t plot devices—they’re the show’s core. “What if, instead of fighting back, we cave. Give away our privacy for convenience, our dignity for security, our freedom for a false sense of ownership.”— Mr. Robot, Season 2 Sound familiar? That’s basically the user agreement for every app on your phone. Meanwhile, Elliot’s internal struggle—am I real, or just a product of my trauma?—is the central tension of a society that now spends 10 hours a day glued to algorithmic content. In 2025, mental health is no longer a taboo topic, but that doesn’t mean we’ve solved anything. Like Elliot, w e toggle between radical action and total shutdown. We’re more connected and more isolated than ever. And for all our talk of “self-care,” we still cry at the grocery store and call it therapy. “I’m good at reading people. My secret? I look for the worst in them.”— Elliot Alderson, Season 1 Every politician, CEO, and influencer is trying to convince us they’re just like us , Elliot’s honesty is extremely refreshing. He doesn’t believe in the system. He doesn’t believe in people. And yet, ironically, he tries . He wants connection. He wants justice and so do most of us. The Revolution Will Be Livestreamed... and Monetized . One of Mr. Robot ’s strongest predictions is how revolution doesn’t look like what we imagine. There are no clean-cut heroes or triumphant marches. Instead, we get masked hackers, misinformation campaigns, and unexpected consequences. What fsociety unleashes isn’t just economic collapse, it’s chaos, disillusionment, and power vacuums. “People always told me growing up that it’s never about the destination. It’s about the journey. But what if the destination is you? What if it’s always been you?”— Elliot, Season 4 It’s a deeply personal quote, but it also speaks of something larger: the idea that we are the ones we've been waiting for. We’re both the virus and the remedy. The saboteur and the builder. As we fumble through our own versions of social, political, and climate upheaval in America, Mr. Robot reminds us: real change is messy, non-linear, and often deeply personal. In 2025, revolt doesn’t seem to come with barricades, it comes with hashtags, collabs, and merch drops. The line between protest and profit has blurred. Ask Target’s shareholders! Much like Allsafe, the cybersecurity firm that cozied up to the very powers it was meant to check, survival in today’s system often means compromise. And that’s what makes Mr. Robot ’s blurry morality feel so authentic. No one gets out unscathed. Why We Need Mr. Robot Now More Than Ever—It’s Us . Rewatching Mr. Robot in 2025 isn’t just about nostalgia. It’s about recognition and reckoning. It’s about seeing how far we’ve come and how many loops we’re still trapped in. When the show ended in 2019, the world hadn’t yet seen COVID-19, the full rise of AI, or the politicization of reality itself. Now, we’re living in a time where democracy feels fragile, truth feels relative, and mental health is a public crisis. Elliot’s disorientation? It's not just his anymore—it’s ours. The final season reminds us that healing is possible and that confronting your past can set you free. The revolution might begin on the streets, but it finishes in the heart. “There was a part of me that wanted to escape this. But I know now—this is who I am.”— Elliot, Season 4 Finale In the end, Mr. Robot isn’t just about hackers, or capitalism, or even the revolution, it’s about identity; about seeing yourself clearly in a world designed to blur the lines and maybe that’s why it matters even more now. Because Mr. Robot isn’t fiction anymore. It’s us.

Growing up, my skin was at the forefront of my mind. I was the child who had a severe skin reaction that left me with post-inflammatory hyperpigmentation (PIH) . The quickest way for anyone to tear down my spirit and self-esteem for just about anything was to comment on the dark spots on my skin. It became a common thing, to the point where a teacher and family member of mine would point it out as a way to get me back in line for any small indiscretions on my part. I had a fairly good childhood, but the memories of adults and children commenting on something I had no control over left me with deep emotional wounds. It took years and almost well into my late twenties to heal. I was jealous of everyone who had great skin . I always wondered in my younger years, " Why do I have to deal with this? " Of course, that did absolutely nothing. I became fixated on trying to not have my skin noticed, but also very early on tried to not make it a big issue. I mean, what choice did I have?! I lived on a hot tropical island till my late teens, so there was no option to cover up completely. I saw every dark spot, every look, and had to politely answer every question to quickly shut down every conversation. My skin didn't stop me from wearing a swimsuit and enjoying the beach as much as my friends, but it surely made me hyperaware of others' judgments, and to avoid that, I dressed to cover my legs as much as possible. As I got older and moved away from my home country to the US, I must say I was happy to have a fresh start. Living in the northeast with three-quarters of the year spent in clothing that covers most of the body, I was happy. I no longer felt the anxiety that I once had, because there was nothing to see. This allowed me to find treatments for my skin to reduce the hyperpigmentation. It was a time of trial and error and even body makeup to feel better about wearing that knee-length dress. I had never worn short shorts in my life and it took till my mid-twenties to try on and wear out in public my first pair of shorts. They say your brain doesn't fully mature till about twenty-five. Well, that was right around the time that I came to the conclusion that I did not have to live in perpetual anxiety or in fear of the judgment of others. As much as I enjoy a more conservative style, I was ready to let go and feel free to wear what I liked in spite of the length. By that time my skin had gotten significantly better, and if it required a small brush of body powder, so be it. I just knew that I was no longer willing to be restricted by something that once caused me so much grief. One outfit at a time , I slowly began to build my confidence in my appearance. My self-esteem is not completely tied to my appearance, but it is a contributing factor. We all care about how we look and to say the opposite is a clear untruth. I just had to realize that it was okay to make modifications to better ourselves for our own acceptance. I am happy to have arrived at that place in my mid-twenties, because I know how a negative self-image can damage one's spirit. As a mother of two little girls, I do everything I can to build their confidence and teach them that the best love is radical self-love. If not for me, at least for them. What self-esteem issues did you or do you struggle with or have overcome?

A few years ago, I was talking to one of my older coworkers. She committed over 40 years to the company and raised a beautiful daughter who is an executive at a major tech company. With her daughter’s success came the opportunity to travel around the world. While I was there, she has traveled to the Caribbean, two countries in Europe and a trip to Japan. She was having the time of her life. When we first talked, she was resistant to her daughter’s invitation to go to Europe. I looked her square in the eyes and said, “You need to say yes to that trip. You need to take in these wonderful blessings and experiences that are being bestowed upon you.” She finally agreed. Upon her return, she could not stop talking about how amazing the trip was and how it totally wiped away her preconceived notions of what London would be like. The photos really showed her excitement and enjoyment. This all goes to show that you need to say yes more than you say no. Saying yes: 1. Opens the door of opportunity and success Saying yes can be the catalyst for change in ways you might never anticipate. Often, others can see potential in you that you haven’t recognized in yourself, presenting you with opportunities to build skills and explore talents you never knew you had. Imagine saying yes to a project that seems daunting at first, only to discover that it ignites a passion for something completely new. By choosing to say yes, you open yourself to experiences that push your boundaries, challenge your limits, and foster personal growth. It’s easy to let fear or self-doubt convince you to decline, but when you step forward with an open mind, you allow yourself the chance to grow in ways you never imagined. These moments of courage can become the turning points that lead to your greatest successes. 2. Allows blessings to come through Whether you believe in divine intervention, fate, or simply the serendipity of life, saying yes can often invite unexpected blessings into your life. Consider this: every opportunity you embrace is a seed planted, and each seed has the potential to grow into something incredible. A personal example stands out for me. Once, I attended a career fair and waited in line for a company I hadn’t considered working for. I almost stepped out of line, but I stayed and handed over my resume. Weeks later, I was called for an interview that led to an amazing opportunity. The role was perfect—it allowed me the flexibility I needed as a mom and offered a salary I never expected. It wasn’t what I initially sought, but it was exactly what I needed. Saying yes allowed the universe to align my circumstances in a way I couldn’t have planned. 3. Opens the doorway to living your best life We all aspire to live our best lives—a life filled with purpose, excitement, and fulfillment. Saying yes more often can help you craft a life that feels meaningful and vibrant. Each yes becomes a step toward a richer existence, whether it’s through travel, deepening relationships, or embracing new hobbies. By being open to opportunities, you create space for joy and adventure. Maybe it’s saying yes to a spontaneous trip, joining a club, or even meeting new people. These moments, while seemingly small, weave together to create a life full of unforgettable experiences. Saying yes leads to stories worth telling and memories worth cherishing. 4. You attract positivity and fun When you embrace the power of yes, you naturally foster a positive and optimistic outlook on life. People who say yes tend to see opportunities instead of obstacles and possibilities instead of problems. This attitude not only benefits you but also influences the people around you. Positivity is contagious. By saying yes, you attract like-minded individuals who bring joy, excitement, and encouragement into your life. The simple act of being open can lead to meaningful connections with people who inspire you and make life more enjoyable. Optimism and openness are magnetic—they draw in positivity, fun, and opportunities for happiness. Google executive Eric Schmidt said, “Find a way to say yes to things. Say yes to invitations to a new country, say yes to meet new friends, say yes to learn something new. Yes is how you get your first job, and your next job, and your spouse, and even your kids. Even if it's a bit edgy, a bit out of your comfort zone, saying yes means that you will do something new, meet someone new, and make a difference. Yes lets you stand out in a crowd, be the optimist, see the glass full, be the one everyone comes to. Yes is what keeps us all young.” (Photos from Wix)

Some things are better left unsaid, but it seems that for people with chronic illnesses, we hear a lot. Statistics show 6 in 10 adults in the US have a chronic disease . That is more than half the adult population, yet so many people are not well informed about chronic or invisible illnesses. When interacting with people who do not have a chronic illness, some of the statements may be well-intentioned, but the delivery is so poor, it creates a barrier. It is important then to look at some of this language and really try to see where that comes from. There is a need for more mindfulness and empathy when it comes to those afflicted with a chronic illness. Here are 5 examples of the kinds of interactions that happen frequently to people with invisible illnesses, and how the conversation can be turned around to show more empathy. 1. “I think it’s all in your mind.” What we hear: “You need a psychologist or psychiatrist." I am a staunch advocate for therapy, but when chronic illness flares happen, it’s not in our heads. Having someone say that makes you question whether it may be in your head. It took me almost 13 years to get diagnosed, because a doctor said that to me when my symptoms started at 13 years old. Having a friend or loved one say that has a similar effect. It is really not the place of anyone without a medical license to question that. Instead: “I hear you and I hope you get the answers that you need.” 2. “It could be worse.” What we hear: “At least you’re not dying.” or “Stop complaining.” I’m even guilty of using this one on myself. There is a reason why people with chronic illnesses are more susceptible to mental health issues. Living in constant pain is horrible and it epigenetically alters the brain. Even though we’re not dying from a visible illness, the degree of pain, isolation, anxiety and all the other issues that come with having a chronic illness are horrible. Try not to invalidate very real pain that is happening. Instead: “I am here to listen if you want to talk” or “It has to be difficult dealing with the pain.” 3. “You should try…. It worked for me” We hear: “You haven’t tried everything to make this go away. It’s your fault.” This one gets to me the most. Because the idea is that people with chronic illnesses just sit there and do nothing to better the situation. Even worse is that as people keep talking and go through the list of things like yoga, changing your diet, and a plethora of holistic approaches, you just keep praying they get off their soap box and maybe just ask questions instead. What worked for you may not work for someone else. Instead: “What have you tried that gives you relief?” or “Have you spoke to your doctor about alternatives?” You can say “If there is an activity you want to try, I can join you.” 4. You’re probably just stressed We hear: “You’re not good at managing your life.” “You did this to yourself.” Everyone has stress, but not everyone has a chronic illness. That statement comes from a place of a lack of empathy, and it really comes off as a way to dismiss the sufferer. It is honestly annoying, especially when you are keeping your stress level down, or you can’t help the amount of stress that is present in your life. It really places all the blame on the individual. No one wants to be blamed for their stress, because some of these factors may be fully outside of your control. Instead: “How can I help?” or “That must be hard to deal with.” 5. “You don’t look sick” What we hear: “Are you sure this is real?”“Are you faking being sick?” “Do you just want sympathy?” Being sick has to be correlated with looking sick for it to seem real for most people. Much of it is a lack of information. Some of it is purely people set in their idea of what sickness looks like. Can we blame them? At the same time, you know your body best, so you don’t need to prove to friends and family that what you experience is real. No one would walk up to someone who has experienced some trauma and say, “You don’t look sick.” Instead: “ Tell me how I can help” or “I may not know everything about your illness, but I would like to know more.” Like most people with an illness that still isn’t fully understood, we’d prefer if you would ask questions, rather than give unsolicited advice. It’s okay to not always have the right words, but also hold back on the assumption that the sufferer hasn’t or isn’t doing enough to improve the effect of chronic disease. Do you suffer with a chronic illness? Share some of the worst things people have said to you?

It is a Saturday morning and my girls are still with their dad. My back hurts, my neck hurts, pretty much every inch of my body hurts. There are groceries from last night still sitting on my kitchen floor. Thankfully I had the strength to put away the perishables while everything else stayed in the bags. All I was able to do, was eat a bowl of cereal, brush my teeth and crawl into bed. I overdid it the day before. I went shopping for groceries and I had to run a few errands. The constant lifting of bags did a number. I knew I shouldn’t have been doing this but these were errands that needed to be done. It’s moments like this that remind me of how terrible it is having a chronic illness. It is the pain, the unpredictability of that pain, and the fatigue. Even with that said, having a chronic illness has taught my children and I so much.  Here are the three most valuable lessons my children and I are learning from my chronic illness.  1. The value and importance of self-care I am honestly not the best person when it comes to self-care, but recently I have begun doing a better job. I am learning more and more to make myself a priority and as I am doing that, I am getting the girls involved in the process.  Daily breathing exercises have long been a part of our lives. I do it daily to center myself and to calm my frustrations and anxiety, since that is very important to maintaining a low stress lifestyle. I started doing it with the girls as a way to teach them to manage their emotions and to mitigate their own frustrations. Childhood is hard.  We have also been doing stretching exercises at least twice a week and we dance every night after dinner. The girls love it. On Sundays we also try to do some physical self-care. By doing these things, I am motivated to maintain my self-care routine, and I am teaching my girls about making themselves a priority. 2. Respecting boundaries When I am experiencing a flare and I am in extreme pain, it is hard to be the best mom. It is hard to explain to my children that I can’t pick you up or let you hang on me in a way that is painful for me, but I have to set physical boundaries. I am riddled with guilt at times, because all they see is that mommy can't play with us.I do the best I can to explain what is happening to me in that moment in language they understand, even though it does not minimize how they feel. Over the years, I have gotten better with talking to them and requesting that they be gentle with mommy’s body. I teach them how to hug me. My older daughter has even begun offering to give me massages. She even tells her little sister to be gentle with mom.  Every flare does not always garner that response. Some days they get very upset, but I just keep reminding them that I need a little time to feel better. I have even found that just letting them lay in bed with me makes a world of a difference. I am learning it is okay for me to ask my children for space in order to feel better. I don’t have to always be involved in all their activities. That also helps them develop some independence, which is an excellent thing. 3. Compassion for self and others This is a word I have been hearing a lot of in therapy and it is directed to myself. I realized that I am not necessarily the most compassionate to myself. It is amazing how as humans we can show compassion to others, but don’t always show it to ourselves. As a parent, I am an overachiever. I want my children to be outdoors daily, exposed to arts and culture, participate in extracurricular activities, help them academically and be a nurturing mother who never raises her voice. This is barely possible for a mother who doesn’t have a chronic illness, yet here I am trying to accomplish all these things when my brain is screaming pain and fatigue. I have been learning to not put so much pressure on myself to fit this ideal. Some days I will not meet the mark and that is okay. I have overcompensated when I am well for when I may not be well. What I need to strive for is balance. All of this is also teaching my children to care for others. My five year old, who is a naturally empathetic child is becoming cognizant of what I go through, and displays a lot of compassion toward me during these times. My younger daughter is slowly learning and I know she is getting there. We are truly a work in progress. As much as I do not enjoy one ounce of living with fibromyalgia pain, I am grateful for what my kids and I are learning from it. I believe that I am giving them the tools to be great human beings who put themselves first and extend kindness and compassion to others. Photo of my artwork

NY Botanical Gardens/ Yayoi Kusama Polka Dot Exhibit Summer camp was always a part of our lives in NYC. My girls took part in the Trailblazers Day Camp at Prospect Park  in Brooklyn for about three summers and they loved it. But this summer, we decided for the second time to keep them out of summer camp, while I take control of their daily activities. Last year, we had no camp out of necessity, We moved to upstate NY right before the 4th of July. This time was crucial, because I wanted to make sure that they were acclimating well to their new home, rather than throwing them into a new environment with strangers. But this year, I decided that we are going to explore the great outdoors and go on wild adventures that will engage them in nature, the arts, music, education and every other way I can think of. As I continue to build our calendar, I have come up with a simple system on what our days will look like inserting the big plans where needed. Here's our plan that balances activities, learning, and relaxation: Morning: 8:00 AM - Breakfast and Brain Warm-up - Have a nutritious breakfast together. - Start with a brain teaser or a quick puzzle to get their minds engaged. 8:30 AM - Get Ready - Brush teeth and get dressed - Fix beds and pick up things off bedroom floors 9:00 AM - Outdoor Activity - Head to a nearby park for some outdoor play. - Activities: Outdoor play, soccer, tag, or simply exploring nature (hiking). 11:00 AM - Arts and Crafts - Come back indoors for a creative session. - Activities: Painting, drawing, making simple crafts with paper or recycled materials. Midday: 12:30 PM - Lunch - Prepare a healthy lunch together. - Take the opportunity to teach them simple cooking skills. 1:30 PM - Learning Hour - Rotate educational activities each day:   - Science Day: Conduct simple experiments    - Reading Day: Read aloud or have them read independently for 30 minutes.   - Math Day: Play math games or do fun math worksheets.   - Life Skills: basic first aid, financial management, hygiene, communication skills and more.   - Online classes: A language class and/or classes to prepare for the next grade via an online platform. 2:30 PM - Quiet time - Have some quiet time to disengage Afternoon: 3:00 PM - Indoor/Outdoor Activity - Activities: Board games, puzzles, visit to the local library, pool time, learning a new language (French for us). 4:30 PM - Free Time - Allow them some free play or relaxation time. - They can choose an activity they enjoy: reading, drawing, listening to music, play some Roblox (limit 30 to 45 mins) etc. Evening: 5:30 PM - Dinner - Another opportunity for them to help prepare a meal. - Have them set the table and encourage clean up after 6:30 PM - Family Time - Spend time together as a family. - Activities: Movie night, board games, storytelling, or a family walk. 7:30 PM - Wind Down - Start preparing for bedtime. - Quiet activities: Reading stories, listening to calming music. 8:30 PM - Bedtime - Maintain a consistent bedtime routine to ensure they get enough rest. Additional Tips: - Flexibility: Adjust the schedule based on their interests and energy levels. - Hydration: Keep them hydrated throughout the day, especially during outdoor activities. - Screen Time: Limit screen time and encourage active and creative play. - Learning Opportunities: Incorporate learning into everyday activities to keep their minds active and curious. Work on strengthening any difficulties they encountered academically throughout the school year to prepare them for the next grade. You can expand on this simple plan. The access to quaint towns, beautiful waterfalls, lakes and state parks is something to be excited about here. I want us to frolic in nature and enjoy the best of what our new town has to offer. This is the closest thing to the free spirited summers of my childhood that I can give them. Maybe next summer, we will be back at camp, but for this summer, I look forward to all the little adventures we will have and maybe we will make some friends along the way.

Have you had the unfortunate experience of getting an unexpected friend request that you should have immediately deleted? Instead, you decided to respond against your better judgment and now you’re reminiscing the past where he calls you the love of his life. You’re now wondering why it took so many years. You wanna call bullshit on it , but you keep going along with it to see how far he goes, because you're also caught up in the nostalgia. Then he proves once again why he needed to stay in the past. This was me. I know how difficult it is to let go of someone you loved, shared hopes and dreams with at one point in your life, only to have it come to an end. Here are the five things I wish I had done when my ex reached out: 1. Take a breath and evaluate my feelings. When that message popped up in my inbox, my initial reaction was a mix of surprise and curiosity. Instead of diving headfirst into responding, I should have taken a moment to breathe and evaluate how I truly felt about reconnecting with him. I thought about the outcome of the other times that he reached out to me that were not in any way productive, but totally disregarded that warning. I never to took the time to ask myself, was I emotionally ready to do this again? Do I still have unresolved feelings? Was I ready to be vulnerable with this person again? Taking stock of my emotions would have helped me approach the situation with a bit more clarity. 2. Consider the Motivation Behind Their Message. This is a big one. At the onset of our conversations, I pondered on whether he was genuinely interested in reconnecting as friends or he wanted to explore the possibility of getting back together? Or was it a moment of loneliness or nostalgia on his part? I was so caught up in the whirlwind of his presence and the fact that we both discussed exploring the possibility of a relationship, that I did not do my due diligence. I never considered whether engaging in these conversations aligned with my current life goals and my emotional well-being. I wish I had considered that a bit more before delving into that situation. 3. Trusted my gut. I allowed myself to be vulnerable with a person who said he wanted to rekindle a relationship that he thought was meant to be, but I did not do enough protect my heart. I think he enjoyed knowing that I wanted him as much as he wanted me, but the actions were not consistent. I expected some delay in communication (due to the nature of his work), but not to the extreme of what happened. At some point, I got the distinct sense that he was pulling away from me. I was no longer a priority, even though he kept reassuring me that this was not the case. I wanted to trust him, but I had to admit to myself that this was going nowhere. I was heart broken, but justified in what I felt was happening. 4. Sought perspective from trusted friends or counselors from the beginning. I kept what was happening a secret from everyone for a while. I thought it was my way of waiting to see what the outcome would be before seeking advice, but doing it earlier would have helped give me a better perspective. I had one friend who recommended walking away for reasons I can’t remember, but I chose to dismiss her thoughts. Boy was she right. She heard something I didn’t because shortly after, I had to call it quits.  5. Focus on personal growth. Receiving a message from an ex can stir up old emotions and memories. I allowed his presence to  consume my thoughts, when I should have been focusing on my personal growth. All I envisioned was a future with him thinking that’s what I needed, but instead, I needed to center my own life's journey. I needed to focus on my personal growth. Reflecting on these points, I realize that responding to an ex reaching out on Facebook is not just about the immediate conversation but also about honoring my own emotions and well-being. Each situation is unique, and taking proactive steps to understand my feelings, trust my gut, and focus on my own well-being is crucial to navigating such delicate moments with grace and clarity.