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Originally posted: 04/22/2024 Revised: 04/28/2025 From “The Lives We Actually Have” by Kate Bowler and Jessica Richie I love my role as a mother to the two girls I have been gifted. I love being the first in many roles and moments in their lives. I enjoy being the one they can reach out to for love, help, and support in a way that no other person in their lives can fulfill. Daddy has his place, Grandma has her place, but I get the most special room where I am greeted with hugs, kisses, and my children’s love. As much as I love it all, I would be remiss to say that motherhood has not sometimes taken a toll on me to the point of burnout. These are the days when I don’t think I am quite suited for motherhood, no matter how much my partner and mother remind me. I get annoyed by my kids sometimes, I yell sometimes, and there are times I simply want to retreat from motherhood. I want to be like a bear seeking refuge from the brutal elements of the cold until the season is over.  As the child of a single parent who had the help and support of an amazing grandmother, I don’t think I truly got a sense of what motherhood would look like to me, before becoming a parent. I knew that becoming a parent was on my priority list and that finding someone to build that family with was the ideal. If someone were to simply explain the sacrifices of motherhood in my younger years, my mind would not have been able to wrap around the magnitude of it. Like many roles, motherhood is where you get a lot of on-the-job training. Your life is no longer fully owned by you, because you now have to prioritize little humans who depend on you for their every need.  In the early stages, I recall days of being so sleep-deprived that all I could do is cry. This was also countered with the celebration of all the milestones that my children would accomplish: first roll, sitting up, first word, first teeth and first steps. Who can forget? I loved it all. I relished it all. I remember the first time that I noticed that my very witty two-year-old understood sarcasm and shared our first inside joke. When my first daughter transitioned from saying “or-dayng” to finally saying “orange.” I still miss “or-dayng” to this day. As they get older, I know the child I can connect with on our love of movies and the child I could connect with on our love of food.  Motherhood ebbs and flows. It is an adventurous, joyous and fulfilling journey. It is a full-time commitment that is physically, emotionally and psychologically demanding. It requires commitment above all else to the highs and lows of being within and outside of your comfort zone. Whether you view motherhood as birthright, obligation or choice, in its most authentic form, motherhood is ministry . It is a sacred calling that we shouldn’t tread into lightly, whether it is by choice or circumstance. I have such great respect for the women who choose not to be mothers. It shows self-awareness on the highest level, as it pertains to a whole human life. For those who choose to fulfill their calling, by birthing, surrogacy, or adoption, know that your role is valuable and appreciated. Here are some of the ways that motherhood is ministry: Nurturing Hearts and Minds : As mothers, we tend to the emotional, intellectual, and spiritual needs of our children. We become their teacher and their source of love and guidance. The simple act of listening and comforting our children is ministry to their hearts and minds. It shapes them into compassionate, resilient, and thoughtful individuals. We may not always get it right, but focusing on doing better with every new day is how we can fulfill this role. Cultivating Values and Virtues : Mothers play a crucial role in instilling values such as honesty, kindness and empathy in their children. As we interact daily with our children, we model these virtues, guiding them to understand the importance of integrity, compassion, and respect for others. As we heal and protect our inner child, we will keep passing on these lessons learnt. Creating a Safe Haven : In a world filled with challenges and uncertainties, our love and support offer a sense of security and belonging. A mom’s goal is to creates a safe haven for her children. Moms also need support from their tribe and nothing feels better than when needs are communicated and everyone is up to speed. In the meantime whether it's through a warm embrace, a listening ear, or a comforting presence, moms will continue to provide refuge, solace and strength. Embracing the Sacredness of Everyday Moments : In the hustle and bustle of daily life, it's easy to overlook the sacredness of ordinary moments. Yet, in the eyes of a mother, even the most mundane tasks become sacred acts of love and service. Whether it's preparing a meal, tucking her children into bed, or sharing a laugh together, a mother recognizes the divine beauty in these simple gestures, knowing that they are building bonds that will last a lifetime. Growing Together in Faith : A mother guides her children on a journey of faith. Whether it's through bedtime prayers, family rituals, or conversations about life's big questions, a mother helps her children cultivate a sense of wonder and reverence for the world around them. Together, they explore the mysteries of life and deepen their understanding of their place in the universe. Motherhood is indeed a ministry—a sacred calling that requires love, devotion, and a deep commitment to nurturing the souls entrusted to her care. So, to all the mothers out there, remember that your work is not just important; it is holy. And may you continue to embrace the sacredness of your role, knowing that you are shaping the future with every gentle touch, every guiding word, and every loving embrace. (Photo: First image from “The Lives We Actually Have” by Kate Bowler and Jessica Richie)

Originally published: 03/27/21 Revised: 05/01/2 5 May is here and the summer is about to begin. With all that sunlight and better weather, we have more opportunities to be outdoors. Increasing serotonin requires no grand gestures , but with so many of us still spending hours at a time indoors, it is still important to be intentional about engaging in serotonin-boosting activities. They just need to be small repetitive acts that become habits. Here are 4 ways to boost serotonin and your overall well-being: Go for long walks outside . There is nothing better than communing with nature. The quiet, the stillness and the solitude have a way of clearing the mind of all the clutter. When done well, a long walk allows you to let your mind float, and just really immerse in what can feel like a moment to exhale. Psychologists...suggest that a 10-minute walk may be just as good as a 45-minute workout. If a short walk has such a great benefit, imagine the benefits of longer walks. Bask in nature. Enjoy a great view if you’re lucky enough and savor living in the moment. Exercise . It promotes health throughout the body and is also shown to increase brain serotonin function, increasing overall mood. The experience of fatigue during exercise is associated with elevated brain tryptophan and serotonin synthesis. Physical exertion also acts as a distraction from stressors. Whether it’s brisk walking, jogging, or even swimming, whatever way you choose to exercise serves as a way to activate the production of serotonin. Enjoy some bright light . Exposure to bright light is another approach to increasing serotonin. A few studies suggest that bright light is an effective treatment for nonseasonal depression. There was also a positive correlation between serotonin synthesis and the hours of sunlight on the day the measurements were made, independent of season. Regardless of whether it’s a cloudy or sunny day, light exposure from the outdoors is truly beneficial to improving your mood. Meditate and visualize . Meditation can be life changing for those who choose to practice. The good thing is that you do not have to be an expert at the practice, to reap the benefits of its serotonin boosting effect. Changing your mood can be difficult to shift sometimes, but something as simple as redirecting your thoughts from a place of stress to a positive experience can do the trick. Visualizing a happy moment, a place or a person that induces positive thoughts is a great way to increased the levels of serotonin in the brain. Add some deep breathing and you’re now in your happy place. Try to make these four strategies a part of your daily life. and see the transformation. What do you do to improve your mood?

Hi! How is your week going? The weather has been amazing lately in the Capital Region, and I am happy to enjoy a little heat even though being hot isn’t my happy place. I’m grateful for rising serotonin levels and all that free vitamin D. This week has been great with the girls. As always, we enjoyed good food, being outdoors, beautiful art, and wonderful sister moments. We are in peak tulip season in my neck of the woods, so I enjoy watching them bloom. Fibromyalgia and Mental Health Awareness Month We are in the month that recognizes two causes near and dear to me. As someone who lives with fibromyalgia, I talk about the many ways that fibromyalgia affects my life and my mental health. Catch up on these stories on the blog that address these two important topics and the areas of life they affect. Career : How Substitute Teaching Became a Gift at a Difficult Time Parenting : 3 Most Valuable Lessons My Children and I Have Learned from My Chronic Illness and Parenting through Pain: Navigating Motherhood with Chronic Illness and Love Relationships : Chronic Illnesses: When Sticking to a Routine Gets Hard and Tolerable Unhappiness and Female Desire and Lina of “Three Women” Life : 5 Ways to Have More Mindful Interactions With People Who Have a Chronic Illness I really hope these stories serve as a great resource for you. Be sure to leave your thoughts and words of encouragement. Celebrating Motherhood Mother’s Day is coming up soon and what better time to revise an old post Motherhood as Ministry: A Sacred Calling . I show appreciation to the ones who have chosen to be childless, a decision that shows the highest form of self-awareness. As a mother, I wholeheartedly support any woman who decides to blaze her path without the added pressures of motherhood. Motherhood has such a major impact on all facets of life that it would be irresponsible to not consider the ramifications of such a life-altering decision. “ Whether you view motherhood as birthright, obligation or choice, in its most authentic form, motherhood is ministry .” Here are some of the ways that motherhood is ministry: Nurturing Hearts and Minds . As mothers, we tend to the emotional, intellectual, and spiritual needs of our children. We become their teacher and their source of love and guidance. The simple act of listening and comforting our children is ministry to their hearts and minds. It shapes them into compassionate, resilient, and thoughtful individuals. We may not always get it right, but focusing on doing better with every new day is how we can fulfill this role. Cultivating Values and Virtues . Mothers play a crucial role in instilling values such as honesty, kindness and empathy in their children. As we interact daily with our children, we model these virtues, guiding them to understand the importance of integrity, compassion, and respect for others. As we heal and protect our inner child, we will keep passing on these lessons learned. Creating a Safe Haven. In a world filled with challenges and uncertainties, our love and support offer a sense of security and belonging. A mom’s goal is to create a haven for her children. Moms also need support from their tribe and nothing feels better than when needs are communicated and everyone is up to speed. In the meantime, whether it's through a warm embrace, a listening ear, or a comforting presence, moms will continue to provide refuge, solace and strength. Embracing the Sacredness of Everyday Moments. In the hustle and bustle of daily life, it's easy to overlook the sacredness of ordinary moments. Yet, in the eyes of a mother, even the most mundane tasks become sacred acts of love and service. Whether it's preparing a meal, tucking her children into bed, or sharing a laugh together, a mother recognizes the divine beauty in these simple gestures, knowing that they are building bonds that will last a lifetime. Growing Together in Faith. A mother guides her children on a journey of faith. Whether it's through bedtime prayers, family rituals, or conversations about life's big questions, a mother helps her children cultivate a sense of wonder and reverence for the world around them. Together, they explore the mysteries of life and deepen their understanding of their place in the universe. Money Saving Tips at Your Local Library If you’re not already on Threads , join the conversations happening. I am learning so much in this space. I came across a post from Two Sides of a Dime , about how you can maximize the use of your library card for significant savings of a little over $10,000 yearly. I love my local library and I already used it in so many ways including trips to the museum, but here are some other suggestions by Eduek . Audiobooks Museums Movies and music Coworking space Event space LinkedIn Learning Markerspace Toys and gaming consoles Videogames Gadgets and gear I would encourage getting in the comments, because people added more ways that Eduek did not mention. Let’s all save money together. Summer Camps Savings. I did one thing this week that is going to save my family almost $8000 in summer camp costs for my two girls. This isn’t a tip for everyone, but it can be greatly useful to a stay-at-home parent, or a parent with summer breaks who has the time and means to make use of this opportunity. It is called a work trade. Typically, a work trade is where volunteers offer their time and skills to work in exchange for free accommodation. In this situation, a work trade allows a parent to volunteer their skills and services to a summer program their child(ren) can attend for free. I initially sent an email briefly explaining my circumstances and requested a scholarship or a trade of my skills with an attached resume. As I mentioned, this isn’t for everyone, but a very useful and helpful option for those who can. With that said, have a fantastic weekend everyone. Take care of yourselves and each other.

Hi everyone, Another Week, Another Crisis: The State of America and Me. If you’re feeling anything like I am, I know you’re experiencing an inexplicable, deep-seated level of fatigue. This is induced by a political climate that is hell-bent on destroying all of us; the worst part is that we just made it through week two. Every day, we’re being body slammed into another political firestorm that none of us asked for, and even though we keep trying to tap out, someone grabs us by the leg and pulls us back in. We’re in a knockdown drag-out fight for our lives, so the fatigue is real, and so many of us are already over it. Unsplash Despite the constant turmoil, communities across the country continue to fight back against those seeking to take away our human rights. Whether through protests, mutual aid networks, or pushing for legislative change, people are resisting the normalization of corruption and incompetence. I am proud of us for building resistance, but resistance can be exhausting. This is where self-care is a requirement. Self-Care in the Time of Chaos Last week, I had to call a time-out. I decided to delete every social media app from my phone except for Substack. I was experiencing notification anxiety along with a general weariness that left my spirit depleted. I couldn’t internalize any more disappointment and heartbreak with what had been happening, so I decided to detach from everything for 24 hours. In times like this, self-care is not a luxury, but a necessity. Here are a few tips to help and encourage you to take care of yourself: Set Boundaries with News Consumption: Stay informed, but take breaks from the 24-hour news cycle to protect your mental well-being. Find Community Support: Engaging with like-minded individuals can provide emotional strength and strategic resilience. Prioritize Mental and Physical Health: Engage in activities that bring joy, whether it’s meditation, exercise, or creative expression. Use Your Voice Wisely: Speak up when and where you can, but recognize that self-preservation is also an act of resistance. Celebrate Small Wins: Change happens incrementally. Recognizing victories—no matter how small—keeps morale high and momentum going. Can you love your body — and still want to change it? Gabriella Lascano/Ted I had the pleasure of watching Gabriella Lascano a strong advocate of body positivity present her TedTalk on the subject of Can you love your body — and still want to change it? In the most vulnerable and authentic way, she talks about the disenfranchisement of fat people, but also toxic body positivity that restricts many like herself. After the loss of a friend due to obesity, she realized that loving herself required honesty, accountability, and making healthier lifestyle choices. It was a refreshing perspective. Ageism Hurts All of Us Character Liza Miller of the show Younger Before binge-watching “ Younger ” I have been thinking a lot about ageism. As a woman in my early 40s, I think about how much we can all accomplish in a society that doesn’t restrict us based on our age. Ageism harms all of us in ways that reinforce discrimination and impact mental well-being. As someone who has interacted with children since I was 19, you will be surprised to find out that behaviors that lead to ageism start from a very young age. Have you ever spoken to a child or teenager who responds to you in a sometimes sarcastic, know-it-all way, especially regarding technology? This stereotyping in many settings is harmful to everyone. People report ageism starting as early as 35, but generally around 40 . It usually worsens as you age, especially in societies that overvalue youth. In many ways, I am grateful for the efforts of diversity, equity, and inclusion initiatives that strive to protect older populations. I also strongly encourage that we all examine our biases and change how we view the aging population. We will all get there eventually. Libraries Will Never go Out of Style At our local library enjoying a game of checkers, books and friends I have been taking my girls to the library since they were babies. It is a great resource for learning and fun. The first place I looked for after moving was our local library. We make it there at least once a week to enjoy all the perks of being library card holders—reading clubs, free museum passes, holiday events, science classes and so much more. I am always amazed by why more kids aren’t at the library, because it is truly a place of joy. There are not very many public spaces that are truly free in American society. Most places are “ pay to participate” making libraries one of the last places in modern society that is free for everyone. It plays a significant role in breaking down barriers of race, socioeconomic status, religion, and political beliefs. It is the one place that truly brings us all together. Are you taking your little ones and older ones to the library this week? A Little Laughter Last month, I shared a little chat between my daughter and I that seemed to garner a bit of interest, but I thought it could apply to life in general. Even as adults, we forget the impact that our voice has on creating change. Threads post from Aubre in Between Until next time, take care of yourself and laugh a little. (Photos: Fairy Lake Bonsai Tree/ Bluesky251/Flickr , Gabriela Lascano/Ted , Younger/Stan )

Originally published: April 4, 2024 Revised: August 1, 2025 I am a woman. I have never questioned my femininity or my attractiveness—maybe not since my mid teens. I birthed two beautiful babies from this body. I know I am not everyone’s cup of tea —then again, who is—but I stand in my beauty. That I know for sure will never change. I have worn my hair naturally for most of my life. God knew what he was doing when he gave me the gift of not having long hair. I just had to catch up with with his ultimate design, because I eventually realized that I do not enjoy ‘maintaining’ any kind of hair. I don’t recall enjoying sitting between the legs of an elder to have my hair combed as a kid. The irony is, I am really good at caring for hair, but I do not enjoy doing it on myself. A few years ago, I went to the barber who has cut my hair several times before, to shave my head. While sitting in the chair, he asked, “What does your husband think about you cutting your hair?” I responded, “I don’t know and I don’t really care” with a straight face. He laughed and said, “But what if he doesn’t like it?” I responded again, “Don’t know and don’t care.” My responses were curt, because I did not want to entertain his questions. It was my protest against the idea that I needed permission from my then husband. I knew exactly what my husband thought. He didn’t mind. Over the last almost eight years since I went back to my natural hair, my then husband has seen me through every hair transition—and there have been many. He would go to work with me having hair and come back to a shaved head. I never felt the need to discuss my decision, because the hair on my head belongs to me. He always complimented me and just said, “Nice haircut,” and rubbed my head with a kiss. When we started dating, I told him, “There are two things that I do not need your input on; how I wear my hair and how I dress.” He saw it all before he proposed to me and married me, so if he had reservations about my sometimes shaved head, he was free to walk away. Plus I have great taste in fashion. I’ll take a compliment from him, but I don’t need guidance in that area. No thank you sir. Later that same week, I encountered another acquaintance, a sweet man who seemed to question whether my husband was okay with me cutting my hair. I thought I was in the twilight zone to be honest. Not one, but two men asked me about my husband’s feelings regarding a decision to do something to my body. He even asserted that my husband may cheat on me for this reason, to which I responded, “Then, we would have much bigger problems than a haircut.” I was in disbelief honestly. Not only did they feel bold enough to make these statements, but the fact that they act like my husband owned me was baffling. Apparently, cutting my hair to suit my own preference, was helping destroy my marriage. In their twisted view, I needed his approval to shave my head. I was a woman in my thirties. The last time I sought approval from a partner was in my teens when I had a lot to learn about relationships. I’m well beyond that stage, and there is one thing I do know; I am my own person. I do not need permission to do something as simple as a haircut from a partner. I get it. I’m not oblivious. How often is a woman with a shaved head depicted as beautiful, and a black woman at that? Far and few between. According to the movies, a shaved head tends to be depicted as moment of impulse or a woman in an act of crisis. I mean, why would any rational thinking woman want to shave her head because she simply wants to and feels beautiful that way? Right?! Wrong! Many women feel beautiful without feeling beholden to their hair. Nothing about a shaved head depicts unattractive to me. We need to normalize shaved and bald beauty whether it’s by choice or not. We need to continue working on changing the narrative. Diversity of beauty is what makes us unique and beautiful. Our hair does not need policing. The day that the female body stops being objectified, critiqued, or seen as a battlefield for control will be a day of complete freedom, but in the meantime, I am the only one who gets to define my sense of beauty. No one else. I don't need anyone's permission.

What do Viola Davis, Vera Wang, John Warnock, Julia Child, Martha Stewart and so many others have in common? They gained much of their success later in life. American women have their highest median earning years between the ages of 35 and 64 , yet there seems to be a race to have it all by 30, a concept that has infiltrated the minds of so of many of us. In spite of this pressure, I am happy to see the resistance that is happening around adults being proud to start new careers or build on their existing skills in their 40s and later. Deciding to go back to school in your 40s isn’t a decision that happens overnight. It takes courage, planning, and a fair bit of self-reflection. But perhaps the most surprising obstacle along the way isn’t balancing family life, a career, or the coursework itself—it’s navigating the sometimes invisible, sometimes blatant barriers of ageism. In any culture that prioritizes youth, it’s easy to feel overlooked or underestimated. But here’s the thing: this ageism doesn’t just affect the individual, it holds back our entire society from reaching its full potential. Here’s why. The Value of Experience in Learning. One of the best things about going back to school later in life is bringing your life experience with you. Life has given you depth, wisdom, and a different lens for learning that younger students simply haven’t had the time to develop. Yet, because of ageist assumptions, those experiences can often be undervalued in educational settings, limiting how much older students feel encouraged to contribute. My life and career experiences in Human Resources have enriched my understanding of my studies in psychology and will in my future career as a social worker. I can analyze a case study with an eye toward both interpersonal relationships and organizational structure, bringing a unique perspective to my program. But because ageism can portray “older” students as out of touch, therefore our voices may not get the attention they deserve. Completing assignments for my BA in psychology with my two babies next to me in 2020 Redefining “Potential” as Lifelong. One common ageist assumption is that by a certain age, you’re “done” with learning or growth. You can’t teach an old dog new tricks they say. It’s a belief that not only limits individuals but affects society at large by failing to tap into the potential that every generation has to offer. Ageism tells us that growth is a young person’s game, pushing us to think that anyone over a certain age has already reached their peak. What if, instead, we recognized the value in lifelong learning? What if we saw every individual as a dynamic, evolving person, rather than assuming their potential has a cutoff age? My journey into social work is an example of that evolution and finding my purpose, even in the midst of responsibilities that can sometimes detour personal personal goals. My choice will have a long-lasting impact, not just on my life but on the clients I work with in the future, because some may see me as a beacon of what is possible. Ageism as a Self-Fulfilling Prophecy. One of the most harmful effects of ageism is that it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. When society tells us that older people can’t adapt, can’t innovate, or can’t succeed in new areas, it’s easy to internalize those messages. People may limit their goals, avoid new challenges, or feel that trying something new isn’t worth the effort because of the fear of being judged. On the contrary, studies show that people in their 40s and beyond can be incredibly adept at learning new skills, especially those that draw on emotional intelligence, critical thinking, and complex problem-solving—all skills developed and honed over decades of life experience. Moving Forward with Purpose Now that I am preparing to go back to school in my 40s, I am looking forward to one of the most fulfilling experiences of my life. The mix of excitement, challenge, and growth reminded me that age is just a number and it shouldn’t dictate what you’re capable of or what dreams you can pursue. Every year, every decade, brings new perspectives and skills, making us more capable, not less. Ageism is a barrier we need to break down. It limits not just the potential of older individuals but the richness and diversity of perspectives that society needs to thrive. So, for anyone considering a new path later in life, know that it’s possible, valuable, and worth pursuing. We can all benefit from embracing a world where age isn’t a limitation but an asset, a source of strength, and a gateway to lifelong learning. Are you heading back to school in your 40s? Share your excitement with me.

My older daughter and I connect on our love of good food, so I have no problem letting her scour through YouTube to find dinner ideas for the family. She decided that she wanted to try corn dogs, because it has been a while since we’ve all had one. She came across a video of Korean corn dog coated with corn flakes and was instantly inspired. Thankfully, cornflakes is the only cereal we keep at home and use it primarily for my delicious cornflake coated chicken. With no guidance on the ingredient portions, I created my own recipe and came up with an amazing corn dog recipe. I have done it twice so far and it was perfection both times. Corn Flake Coated Corn Dog You’ll need: 1 package of beef sausages (6) 1 package of mozzarella string cheese 1/4 cup flour 3 cups of corn flakes skewers For batter 1 large egg 2 tablespoons of sugar 1 cup flour 1 teaspoon baking powder 7 tablespoons to 1/2 cup of milk* * The consistency is best with a little less than the 1/2 cup. Reminder that 1/4 cup is 4 tablespoons and 1/2 is 8 tablespoons. Cut 6 sausages and 6 mozzarella string cheeses in half. Insert a skewer first into the sausage from the rounded end tip first and past the flattened center. Then insert into the mozarella cheese. Repeat for all the halves. To create the batter, in a bowl, mix the egg, sugar, flour, baking powder and milk. Mix until a smooth consistency. Next, place the corn flakes into a ziplock bag and crush to the desired size. Begin heating up your oil to about 375°F as you prepare to coat your corn dog. Pour the batter into a tall glass for dipping. place the flour and crushed cornflakes into separate plates. Start with a light coating of flour, dip into the batter making sure to allow excess batter to drip, then coat well with the crushed cornflakes. Place in your oil and fry until golden brown about 3-5 minutes. Thanks to my sweet daughter who suggested this, because it was a hit. It was the best with a crunchy exterior, gooey cheese and beefy ftanks. It was absolutely the most delicious corn dog and we all enjoyed it. Tell me your thoughts if you try this!

There’s a certain magic in doing something for no reason other than… well, you felt like it. Not because it’ll make you money. Not because it’s going on Instagram. Not because you’re secretly auditioning for a new career. Just because you want to. I recently did just that while at The Art Center of the Capital Region. I have been working on getting back into watercolor painting, and I was so excited when I was placed to assist an instructor teaching a watercolor class. As she laid out they would be working on —mushrooms— I got excited and decided to join them and create a project. Let’s just say, I surprised myself. I still got my mojo, as you can see, even after over a decade. That’s the beauty of creativity without an end goal: it’s freedom disguised as watercolor paint. And the best part? You might learn more about yourself with hands and clothes coated with paint than you ever would from another “Top 10 Habits of Highly Productive People” article. Being authentically creative can take on a nurturing and healing element. I’m not talking about the kind that’s all hustle and portfolio, but the kind that’s about exploration , joy , and maybe accidentally knitting a scarf that looks suspiciously like a long sock. Photos of all my just because activities from left to right: my younger daughter’s embroidery planet apron, wearable embroidery art for my older daughter, an acrylic painting for their bathroom, a hoop for my daughter’s teacher for the end of the school year, a rice bowl recipe without a plan, our family visit to an environmental center with the most beautiful glass bottles (for my love of photography), created my own orange cake recipe, decorated their wall with hearts, and taking a break for some well-deserved ice cream. Why “Pointless” Creativity is Actually the Point . We have been so conditioned to believe that everything needs a purpose. If you pick up a hobby and you become great at it, the next question is, “ So, are you going to sell them on Etsy? ” Heaven forbid you just enjoy making lopsided mugs without trying to build a ceramic empire. When we create without a destination , we free ourselves from the pressure of perfection. There’s no “wrong” way to watercolor your cat wearing a crown, though your cat might disagree. The absence of a clear “goal” means the process is the reward . It’s the mental equivalent of a hammock nap, and if you’ve had one, you know what I’m talking about. All my embroidery projects had no plan. They all took a mind of their own, but what I did do was take it one step at a time and trust that the outcome will be what is supposed to be. Creativity as Self and Community Care in Disguise. You know those self-care checklists that always include things like “drink more water” and “get eight hours of sleep”? Shoutout to whoever wrote those. You’re correct, but also, who needs a micro managing list. Let’s add “make something completely ridiculous” to the list. Whether you’re creating alone, or with a group, engaging in creative activities gives your brain a vacation, so you stop doomscrolling for twenty blessed minutes. It helps you express what words can’t, so that you can take a break from journaling about that horrible date you had several nights ago. You also build resilience, because you know that much like painting, if you mess something up, great, that’s the spirit. You choose to go with the flow, or fix it. It also reminds you you’re allowed to play, even if you pay taxes now. So that drumming class you joined is far more than developing skills, but also an exchange of culture, history and laying our burdens at the alter. We reserve the right to create individually and/or in community because they play a major role in care. Learning About Yourself Along the Way . When you create for the sake of creating, little truths sneak up on you. Maybe you realize you have the patience of a saint when painting miniature birdhouses. Or maybe you realize… nope. Patience is not your brand. That’s useful to know, too. Sometimes your art will surprise you. A casual collage turns into a visual love letter. A silly short story makes you notice how much you value independence. The act of making things works like a mirror: it reflects bits of you back that you didn’t even know were there. And here’s the real kicker — there’s no pressure to “be good” at it. Your macaroni portrait of your favorite celebrity or family member doesn’t have to be museum-worthy to tell you something about yourself. Some of my favorite quotes about art and life Create for Fun (Without Overthinking It). If your inner critic is already shouting “But I’m not creative!” let’s pause. Creativity isn’t about having a magical talent gene; it’s about doing things in a way that’s uniquely yours. That could mean painting murals or arranging your snack plate like a still life. The trick is to choose something you want to do, not something you think you “should” do. If you hate scrapbooking, don’t start scrapbooking. This isn’t gym class. Making Time for It (Even When Life’s Full) . “But I don’t have time to be creative!” you cry, possibly while scrolling TikTok for the fourth time today. Friend, you do have time. Ten minutes before bed. While your pasta water boils. On your lunch break in the car. Saturday mornings before the house wakes up. Tiny doses count. You don’t need a full studio or four uninterrupted hours. You just need a moment to let your brain wander off the path and pick wildflowers. Give Yourself Permission to Make Ugly Stuff. Here’s your official hall pass: you are 100% allowed to make things that are ugly, weird, unfinished, or confusing to everyone except you. That’s actually the fun part. When we create purely for our own enjoyment, we give ourselves space to breathe, to be, and to discover pieces of ourselves we didn’t know were waiting. The world doesn’t need to understand it. You don’t even have to understand it. Let your creativity be a private little rebellion against the idea that everything must be productive. Because at the end of the day, it’s not about the final product. It’s about what happens inside you while you’re making it, and the fact that, for a little while, you got to play. Have you made something recently that you would like to share? Photo of mushroom created by Renata Poleon/August 11, 2025

This is a note I shared on my social media accounts and I thought worthy of putting on the blog. let’s talk… as a highly sensitive person living with non-life threatening chronic illnesses, i understand the importance of a diagnosis. i didn’t get diagnosed with fibromyalgia until i was about 26, even though i had been going to doctors since i was 13. i suspected what it was right before a doctor was able to formally diagnose me. i had doctors say verbatim, “she seems like a tense child” or “it’s all in your head” so regularly that i thought i would never know what was wrong. it’s so hard to go through these medical experiences where you feel unseen and unheard, but in all of it, i grew a backbone. after becoming a mother twice over, there were signs that i probably ignored. i was constantly misplacing things and a few other things. i asked my doctor if i am at risk for dementia because of fibromyalgia and he said no. i kept putting it in the motherhood folder and kept thinking i was overwhelmed, tired or stressed. what i was able to ignore without kids couldn’t be ignored anymore. part of it was that i was proficient at masking. if you ask anyone around me, i seem like i hold it all together very well, and for the most part i do. i am a smart, functional, and highly organized person. but slowly, i couldn’t maintain the level of organization that i once did. i have always been that person who requires a lot of recovery time moving through this world. i experience an immense amount of fatigue dealing with people on the day to day. i just did a women’s ADHD test which confirmed what i have been thinking recently and recommended that i seek out a formal diagnosis. i am going to start this journey, because for far too long i’ve just powered through it. motherhood also shed a light on something that i couldn’t see and i can’t ignore it anymore. any moms in their 40s going through something similar?

In an effort to keep my stomach happy along with one of my daughter’s, we have made a decision to change a lot of our staples to gluten free. I am still learning, but as I learn, I want to share. So far, this recipe has been a hit even for the members of my family who can still have gluten. It started first as an almond flour waffle, ran out out of almond flour and substituted with gluten free all purpose flour, and a completely gluten free option. You have three options to these delicious waffles. Thank me later. Almond Flour Waffle You’ll need: 1 1/2 cups almond flour 1 1/2 teaspoon baking powder 1-2 teaspoons sugar (white or brown) 1/2 cup milk 1 large egg 1 1/2 teaspoons melted butter, coconut oil or vegetable oil Mixed Almond Flour Waffle You’ll need: 1 cup almond flour 1/2 cup gluten free all purpose flour 1 1/2 teaspoon baking powder 1-2 teaspoons sugar (white or brown) 1/2 cup milk 1 large egg 1 1/2 teaspoons melted butter, coconut oil or vegetable oil Gluten Free Waffle You’ll need: 1 1/2 cups gluten free all purpose flour 1 1/2 teaspoon baking powder 1-2 teaspoons sugar (white or brown) 1/2 cup milk 1 large egg 1 1/2 teaspoons coconut oil or vegetable oil * gluten and nut free Preheat your waffle iron. Whisk together the almond flour, baking powder and sugar in a bowl. Whisk together the milk, egg and butter or oil in a larger bowl. Stir in the flour mixture until it is well combined. Coat the waffle iron with cooking spray or oil. Pour 1/4 to 1/3 cup of batter onto the waffle iron depending on its size, and cook until the waffles are amber brown. This can take 3 to 5 minutes depending on the size. Serve with maple syrup and enjoy.